People judging others parenting

[kbbeanie]

My ds is almost 3. He got a kids tablet for xmas. He doesnt use it very often as he still likes to play with toys and isnt keen on sitting still for very long but he uses it on long car journeys, if we are waiting somewhere or if hes feeling a bit tired or out of sorts. (He was using my tablet before he got his) and he enjoys a wee 5 mins here or there playing his wee games.

In a restaurant today and we were waiting on a meal. He was sat quietly at the table playing the game but also interacting in conversation with us and telling us what was happening in his game etc. He usually would be hard to get to sit still when waiting in a restaurant.

This lady sat.at the table next to us in her 30s or so with her partner. She turned round and said to us 'if you let him sit and do that pointed to him on the phone hes never going to have any manners'
I was shocked and i just said 'isnt it better than him running around ruining everyones elses meal'
She tutted and said to her partner 'young people having kids'
For the record at 24 i dont consider myself to be too young and i also dont think people should be judged on their parenting regardless of their age

AIBU to think she should have kept her opinion to herself ? Or would you have said the same

Well no, the perfect standard is sitting and conversing in a modulated tone at 3.

I am assured by parents that I did this and I remember it too. As did my siblings.

Because if I didn't the abusive, aggressive, alcoholic scumbag of my parents would take me outside and hit me til I did.

This is why children in the 70's were seen and not heard.

So do that, oh wait ....

She was dreadfully rude but I agree with her. Of course people assume three year olds can't generally hold decent conversations (but many can) and they won't ever learn if they're allowed to sit on devices when they're out and about.

When a child is in a restaurant, he or she should be taking in their surroundings and enjoying the experience. Not looking down at a screen. They can do that at home.

Laurie that sounds terrible but it's not a reason to say tablets at meals are ok.

They're not.

It's like sitting with a book at a meal. And if three year olds are allowed because they are small....what is the cut off?

4? 7? 13?

I don't say anything but I do judge a little....I'm more your crayons and sticker book at table type....

I think she was rude though....

But Only1 what's the difference between using crayons as a distraction and using a tablet?

I'm really surprised people expect a 3 year old to sit quietly and patiently in a restaurant when it can easily be 30 minutes before food even comes, with no distractions.

well I don't expect them to sit quietly in a "nice" restaurant. I don't take children that small to adult type places. Why would I? I have always taken mine to family friendly places. Much more sensible. When they're old enough to speak in a decent tone of voice and have conversation etc then they can go to nicer places.

I guess we sit and colour or do dot to bloody dots etc....then put it away to eat and then bit more of the same.

Dd plays with ipad sometimes at home but we never take it in car or out to eat.

I agree MissTawdry I don't take my toddler to 'adult' restaurants. If there's not a tacky kids menu it's generally a no go. Brewers Fayee and the like (which often pains me as they're usually super shit but hey ho part and parcel of kids and all that). But when I do the tablet is my safety net!

*MrsTawdry not Miss sorry!

Mine actually like decent food but I had a bad time in a nice restaurant with DD1 once and just thought "never again!" it's not fair on the DC....in a Brewers Fayre they can dance on the cake trolley for all I care!

{slight exaggeration}

I let my DD play with the iPad if we are eating out. She has ASD and it is about the only thing that would keep her sitting quietly at the table, so for me it's either that or never eat out with her. No-one has ever commented on it to me and I couldn't care less if they did.

I like to have said something to her about not having enough manners to leave people to enjoy their meal in peace.

In reality I probably would have hissed a quiet 'fuck off' to her.

or taken ds's tablet iPad away and let her enjoy the ensuing screams.

You should have taken the tablet away and let her experience what we had in Pizza Express the other day. Mother sitting serenely on tablet while two children age about 8 and 5 ran non-stop laps of the restaurant at full speed, occasionally diving under peoples tables, and at one point knocking crockery off a table and breaking it, with no response from the mother except a mild 'careful, darling.'

There was very definite teeth-gritting and muttering from the staff, and the manager was descending on her as we left.

Twenty years ago this would have read "DS was playing with his sticker book and someone tutted at me." Tablet/sticker book/colouring pencils, they are all ways of entertaining your child at the table. Give him a recorder in a restaurant and YANBU. Otherwise, it's much of a muchness.

I could have long conversations with my DC aged three at mealtimes. "No, DC, it's not time for pudding yet. No, DC, you can't get down yet. No, DC, it's not pudding time yet. No, DC, you can't get down yet." And repeat.

Tablets weren't around led when my DC were 3 but I always brought then stuff to do in restaurants, for plane journeys etc.

It's just sensible.

I'm certain I would use technology now. Again just sensible.

And you know what? Of course the need for them at table disappears! Of course you end up with perfectly well mannered DC.

It's simply about waiting for the appropriate time.

And you know what? People judge whatever you do.

If you use a tablet, people judge.
If your DC are bored and whiney without , people judge.
If you sit and give your 3 year old your undivided attention, people judge.
If you ignore your DC and he states into space, Peoria judge.

nannyogg that comment made me howl!! I am afraid that I am the person who would come out with exactly that retort and have done on numerous occasions. my dd loves playing with the Mr tumble paint bubble game on my phone and it regularly gets snotty comments from people.

thick skin or have a few witty remarks.

How rude of her! Well done you for keeping your temper. It's fine for children to play with most things. They are learning and exploring.

I like the "sorry, do I know you?" response. I'll have to remember that one...

She would've had a whinge too if your child was running around up to tables or just being a menace. I only take 3yo dd to family restaurants so she can scribble with half chewed crayons

She was absolutely in the wrong to say it. However I personally think small children shouldn't be given tablets at all. As for using them at the table, I don't think anyone should have tablets or phones at the table as a rule. If a child is likely to run riot then perhaps they are too young for a 'proper' restaurant. When my boys were little we only took them to Brewster's because they had a play area. I didn't want to disrupt anyone's dinner with kids running around. I do appreciate the OP doesn't want to either but I don't think a tablet is a suitable distraction.

Wow how fucking rude of her!

I would much prefer a kid on a tablet then the huge amount of fucking twat parents there seem to be who think everybody should 'enjoy' their little brats noises, shrieks and screams in a restaurant with no intervention from them at all.

Don't let it get to you. As for the age thing I was 22 when I had DS and I looked much younger. I always got looks and comments from people.

Ignorant wankers.

YANBU to think she should have kept her opinion to herself. I wonder if she stopped to consider how lacking in manners it was to lecture you about this?

Having said that, personally, I wouldn't give my 3 yr old DS1 a tablet to play with in a restaurant. It would keep him quiet while we waited, yes, but our experience with DS1 is that he tends to throw tantrums when we take the tablet away. So the peace and quiet while we waited wouldn't be worth the tantrum when the food arrived for us. Crayons or sticker books would work better for us in that situation. But I daresay not all 3 yr olds are as reluctant to hand over a tablet as DS1 is.

Highly rude.

My dc have and we're always taught to have good manners esp in restaurants or at mealtimes. They don't have tablets etc at the table at home BUT when they were v young, and sitting in a restaurant might mean a little wait for food, yes I'd allow them some sort of distraction be it colouring, a book, tablet whatever. They were NEVER allowed to run about, or be a pita at all to anyone and until anyone's behaviour impinges on someone else, which it didn't, then any comment is uncalled for.

With 3 dc our opportunities to go out at all like that were v limited for many years and were a welcome treat for us when we could manage it.

It's v easy to sit back and view something and pass remarks on the day but unless you've walked a mile in that particular person's footwear then beak out because all that's on view is a minuscule snapshot of a vast picture.

OP she was hugely out of order. You are doing great. You should have thrown a bread roll at her.