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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be struggling to leave the baby stage behind?

24 replies

suddenlycupishalffull · 01/01/2015 19:08

I'm struggling to let go of the material things...I have a 3.5 year old & a 1 year old & I'm clearing out the proper little baby stuff - the weaning stuff, the rattles, the touchy feely books, the tiny babygros - and I'm finding it really upsetting, is this normal?! We've decided against a 3rd and I'm ok with that but I did really love being pregnant and loved the baby phase (though neither of my babies were 'easy' babies!) I have sold all my maternity clothes, baby bouncers etc. My Dad died suddenly when I was younger & I don't have that many photos & just one recording of his voice, so with my DC I've always taken lots of photos, videos, held on to material things for sentimental reasons, but while I am always clearing things out gradually (our house is tiny), I am finding letting the little baby stuff go really hard at the moment. Is this usual when it comes to stuff? Wanting to hang on to the more mundane things rather than the obviously meaningful (like first shoes etc?)

OP posts:

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 19:11

Definitely. My dd is nearly 9 months and I know what you mean as she is our last (we have an elder son so a boy and a girl.)

It's the closing of one chapter but my son is 7 and honestly this age is so gorgeous!

Artandco · 01/01/2015 19:12

It can be hard but it's a new stage in their life so thing will have to be thrown.

Why don't you look into getting some favourite baby clothes made into cushions? Then the children can keep on beds for years and you will have a small keepsake.

formerbabe · 01/01/2015 19:13

I sobbed my heart out when I sold my buggy...I was actually happy my dc were growing up and getting more independent but it felt like the end of an era.

poocatcherchampion · 01/01/2015 19:13

Just hang on until you don't feel so sad about it? Eventually you will be able to just fling it and not look back..

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 19:16

I also will add - I am convinced that early loss of a parent makes us very conscious of the passing of time. I've lost both parents now and I'm convinced that's partly why I am hopeless at throwing out anything my children have so much as breathed on

kwerty · 01/01/2015 19:18

Find a nice box and select some items; a little suit, a rattle, cardigan etc. and keep those special bits. You can add a lock of hair, couple of teeth, swimming badges etc as you go along.

kwerty · 01/01/2015 19:20

Sorry realise its the everyday stuff you are struggling with; could you pass some on to a friend?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/01/2015 19:25

Oh God - this is me. Have an 11 month old and a just two year old. We have now decided to have DC3. Am hoping that I'll feel more able to chuck things after the last baby (hopefully) but I'm hideously sentimental and could sob now out loud at the thought of getting rid of the pram that I so lovingly chose for PFB (thank fuck it was a donkey after the surprise arrival of DD 23 months later!)

3littlebadgers · 01/01/2015 19:27

I was the same after dc3. Managed to part with them eventually and now I'm expecting a surprise dc4 and having to start again. Maybe put them somewhere safe untill after the menopause

EatDessertFirst · 01/01/2015 19:30

I have DD 6 yo and DS 4yo. I can't bring myself to throw away/give away/sell the beautiful cot bed they both used. It is stored lovingly in the loft even though we definately won't be having anymore. I shed a tear when my beloved Maclaren XT went out for the bin men. You are not alone! Its a bizarre emotion though.

SantasFavouriteHo · 01/01/2015 19:35

Totally agree, mine are 4 and 18 months so still little but yes, I find it hard putting away all the little baby things - we're undecided about dc3 yet so I have reason to hang onto it but even putting it in storage bags feels sad!
We did give a load of very little baby toys to women's refuge just before Christmas and that helped though, knowing they were going to a baby who would enjoy them, could you pass any on that way?

Squeezepast · 01/01/2015 19:35

I am the same! I love that my DC are becoming their own opinionated little people but at the same time I miss the baby stage. I hate getting rid of all the baby stuff so what I do is pack it into bags and keep going back to it. Each time I feel less sentimental so manage to part with a few more bits. Eventually you are left with only nice little things to keep or there are companies which can make the clothes into teddies etc for the DC (or you!).

Bulbasaur · 01/01/2015 19:44

DD is 9 months and I just sort of go through all the clothes that are too small and pick out my favorites and give away or toss the rest.

I start with easiest first. Poop stains? Toss. Cheap outfit I got from Walmart? Toss. Then I sift through the ones I have left and keep the ones that have sentimental value or just my favorite ones that could look nice in a shadow box when I get around to it.

erin99 · 01/01/2015 19:50

It was grobags that I found most upsetting! Agree with poocatcher though, it may well get easier if you wait a few months. No need to torture yourself. Keep a box of favourite babygrows, rattles etc, and when it gets full go through and maybe whittle it down to make some more space for toddler memories.

My youngest is 6 and I'm struggling at the moment with having to throw out preschool toys. But as haphazard says, older ones are so so lovely and still just as cute but in different ways. I'm not so sentimental about the baby bits now, perhaps because DC have said and done so much else since - I have a lot more memories.

duplodon · 01/01/2015 19:51

9 month old here too, it's killing. I've even caught myself having all sorts of morbid thoughts about how, as all three are boys, they'll either not settle til they're fifty and I will never know my grandchildren or I will morph into the MIL from hell and they will do an annual courtesy visit and I will never see them again! [ shock] I'm convinced this is some sort of hormonal thing as I near 40 to try make me have another. I am being ruthless but not loving it, trying to practice letting go bit by bit so I'm there clinging to their knees as they leave home!

meglet · 01/01/2015 19:53

Yanbu. I think you have to do it gradually. Pass some bits on to other first time parents who you know will get some use out of it. Keep some clothes to be made into cushion covers.

Mine are 8 and 6 and I've only recently cleared the last of the unwanted baby clothes. The remaining bag will be partly kept / partly turned into cushion covers.

imip · 01/01/2015 19:58

I have 4 DCs aged 2-8 and I am terrible at hoarding their stuff! I've kept a lot but I keep refining my piles and passing it onto friends.

I have a friend whose a bit skint at the moment and she had a surprise pregnancy, so it's helped to know that it's gone to someone who's needed it.

Dh is kinda worse though. He's hoarding a very used bugaboo and phil and teds. They are falling apart and we need the space, he is so damn sentimental!

soverylucky · 01/01/2015 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Musicaltheatremum · 01/01/2015 20:11

My youngest is 19 years and I still have loads of stuff. We have a big loft space so everything goes up there. I am so sentimental it's unreal.

Original poster

suddenlycupishalffull · 01/01/2015 20:26

Oh my goodness what a lovely response! As I was writing my post I started to worry I've been developing a sort of grief-related hoarding obsession so it's reassuring to know I'm not alone because I've been so sad! So so sad :( and it's rattles and crappy bits of plastic toys...I have given some stuff away to a local childrens' charity which we have had cause to use, so I know the stuff - once I let it go - will give others much pleasure. But it's the letting it go that I'm finding hard, and with space at a premium I do feel pressure to get rid :( It really helps to hear from those with older children cos with my eldest just being 3.5 I have no experience of this yet, and am perhaps clinging onto the baby phase fearing that older children won't need me as much...I'm concerned I can't let this stuff go cos I've not 100% made my peace with not trying for number 3 and that's partly why I'm trying to get rid as we've agreed as a couple no more kids so I'm clearing out almost to stop the temptation for number 3! Ridiculous!

OP posts:

Dogsmom · 01/01/2015 20:31

I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant with my second and last daughter and already feeling sad, with dd1 I couldn't wait for her to be here and although I'm excited to meet this one I'm also finding the kicks and squirms sad because it's the last time.

I think it's normal to not enjoy the passing of time, it makes us feel old and with each day our babies edge towards independence and not needing us any more, especially in these days, they are pushed to grow up so fast.

MariscallRoad · 01/01/2015 20:35

I have a suitcase in the loft where I keep the babe things. I feel te same. DS wants them. All his books are still around and so are teddies, puppets, trains and soft toys.

OnlyWantsOne · 01/01/2015 20:37

I felt the same. Couldn't chuck hardly any clothes, we had an attic full -DP put his foot down and we went through them - all the nice ones were kept and I had a quilt made out of them by a lady on Facebook (chocolate & ginger keepsake bears) and the others all went to a local charity doing a collection for a woman's refuge - I felt better knowing they were going some where with a purpose.

fluffyraggies · 01/01/2015 22:29

Skimmed thread. Not unusual at all OP.

put them somewhere safe untill after the menopause

this!

At least choose a selection of bits which are/were you favorites and put them nicely into storage. Tissue paper, away from damp or cold. Allow yourself this, it's fine :)

(when DD3 got to nursery age i carefully put away the wooden highchair (with instructions on how to reassemble), the mosses basket, some blankets, little wellingtons and a couple of cot teddies. Wrapped nicely and kept out of the way in the back of various cupboards through 3 house moves. FIFTEEN YEARS later they are out and being used. All perfectly good nick i should add. For DD4 And I was dead glad of the instructions i wrote out for myself for the highchair all those years ago).

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