To think he should have got her an Xmas present?

[Magicalsparkles]

FIL is in his 60s, sadly MIL died before I met her so he's lived alone since I can remember. He is incredibly wealthy and has helped me and dp out with a deposit for rental ect in the past so not a complete tight ass.
Anyway this year we had our DD (3 months) and his first GC. Boxing Day I agreed we would go up to FIL's sisters house and take FIL with us, when we got there FIL handed us bags of presents.
As we got to the house he handed out the presents to all the adults and children there which he had bought. Dp had one, I didn't (fair enough I'm an adult) but he hadn't got one for my DD either. His grandchild, this has really shocked me, I know she's a baby and won't understand but he got some for the other baby's there whom he sees maybe once a year.

AIBU to think he should have got DD a present?

Also I wonder if he gave the gift as more of a thankyou for hosting and feeding me type gift

And to leave 2 people out and everybody got a gift, no it was deliberate considering how he feels about op and the baby. Before next Christmas, your dp should ask his father if he would like gift suggestions for dd as last year he forgot.

How old were the other babies? I think it makes a difference if the other babies are older than 3 months.

I too don't understand not buying gifts for babies. Just because they are tiny why shouldn't they have something nice be done for them?

DB doesn't see the point because any gift that DD will get personal enjoyment from will be forgotten and outgrown quickly. She won't even understand what a gift is outside of "Ooh, a new thing to chew on". Any gift that helps take care of the baby ie: clothes, blankets, buggies, is really for the parents. But in the spirit of being a good uncle he still got her a gift to play with even if she only enjoyed it for a few minutes before becoming enamored with the wrapping paper.

I agree with Aeroflotgirl. It's a deliberate snub on FIL's part. You don't buy gifts for every other baby except for the one you just so happened to insist was aborted earlier that year. It was certainly not a "I see no point" or he forgot. He did it on purpose, and if it was my parents we'd be having words. I would be seriously contemplating going back next Christmas. If he doesn't want to see her as family, fine. He doesn't have to see her, and it's highly unfair to make a child experience hurtful rejection every year for the "crime" of being born.

Birdsgottafly's bizarre need to be victimized and wounded here aside... Her situation of supporting the parents in other ways doesn't apply either. He hasn't been supporting the OP. He told her to abort the baby. He has been against this child before she was even born, and has made it very clear that he doesn't just disapprove of the situation, he disapproves of his grandchild. That's an attitude that either needs to be nipped in the bud, or the child needs to be kept away from him. Even if he begrudgingly buys a gift because DP makes him, he can show his disapproval in other ways, such as exclusion, getting a cheap/bad gift, and showing favoritism to the other children. Children aren't stupid, they catch on pretty fast.

It's not just DP's problem to solve, it's also OP's. It's both their child, and she doesn't have to just idly sit there letting her child get mistreated because DP doesn't want to create waves. I'd flat out refuse to go there or let DD be exposed to that nonsense. Though, by the sounds of the car conversation when he asked where DD's gift was, it doesn't seem like he's going to let this slide either.

Yanbu. You have some odd responses here though op, not quite sure why. If I were you I'd ask your dp to ask his dad about it. It's unacceptable to just really obvious leave people out like that and I'm sure your dp was upset about it too.

If it looks like a snub, and sounds like a snub.....

OP l suggest you keep your distance (and your dd's distance) from this man. I can understand that he didn't welcome the news that you were pregnant, but to actually say so! Has he actively tried to build bridges with you since?

My mother didn't buy Christmas presents for my baby as he was only a couple of months old. She was really really surprised that anyone else bought something. She's a baby and won't know what is going on was her response. So some people just don't buy for immobile small babies

Pimms if you read the op, he bought for tge other babies. With that outlook, the other babies in the family should not have gotten a present either, but they did! Op dd was the only baby not to! It's sad people's attitude towards babies, they are still a little person. Ok don't buy toys, buy something useful like clothes or vouchers, no excuse.

Thank you for responses, the babies were all a few months old. One of them was only a few weeks older than DD the other two were around 6 months and 10 months? Not old enough to justify the 'I don't buy for small babies' I'm going to get dp to have a word with him

Yes do magical, it was a snub to you and dd, this needs nipping in the bud.

however after his recent loss, it's quite a big step to start organising gifts for everyone.

1] what recent loss? OP has been with her dp for 5 yrs & his mother has been deceased at least that long.
2] what loss would enable you to buy for everyone expect your granddaughter & her mother?

My girls have always had presents, their first Christmases they got clothes for Christmas from others.

It really isn't that hard!

Exactly no recent loss, op has been with her partner for 5 years, MIL died before that. No excuse to buy for all but op and dd. It sends a very clear message. Don't let this happen again, if the same thing happens next year, I would proclaim loudly when presents are being handed out that minmagical where's minimagical's present, oh no she's been forgotten again type thing. Don't worry about hurting an adult who is completely in control of his own actions. you have to stand up for dd. What does your dp think?

YABU. Your kid is a baby, it doesn't understand.

Jesse I wish people would read the op properly! Op dd won't be a baby forever, then what!

This thread is the perfect example of people not reading it properly.

Yes, DP needs to nip this in the bud. If DFIL's behaviour persists, you are going to need to find a way to explain it to your DD and to make sure that she realises it does not reflect her worth in any way and is not because of anything she has done. MY Grandparents on my Mum's side favoured and prioritised their other grandchildren above me (more and better presents, more photographs of them around the house and in albums). As I grew older, I noticed it and very much felt like the afterthought. My parents didn't handle it well and pretty much clamped down any attempts I made to raise it and find out why things were the way they were. I reached the conclusion that it was my fault and I was being justifiably punished for something (although I didn't know what it was).

I visited my aunt (mother of the favoured grandchildren) a few years back and we looked through a photo album she had inherited from her parents (the grandparents in question). Page after page was filled with photos of my cousins. There were 2 photos of me. Even as an adult, and knowing much more of the backstory (long and complicated), I still felt shame.

Don't let your DD grow up feeling like this.

Is it possible that FIL is old fashioned and disapproves of DD being illegitimate? Otherwise it's very difficult to see any reason for such unfair treatment between the babies.

Still ghoul it's not fair on the child, the baby will grow to be a child and will see how she is treated by her grandfather.

Of course it's not fair but if he's very traditional it might explain his behaviour.

Yes then I think that op partner has to approach his dad as they will end up with a situation like cardamonginger.