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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have got her an Xmas present?

95 replies

Magicalsparkles · 01/01/2015 16:08

FIL is in his 60s, sadly MIL died before I met her so he's lived alone since I can remember. He is incredibly wealthy and has helped me and dp out with a deposit for rental ect in the past so not a complete tight ass.
Anyway this year we had our DD (3 months) and his first GC. Boxing Day I agreed we would go up to FIL's sisters house and take FIL with us, when we got there FIL handed us bags of presents.
As we got to the house he handed out the presents to all the adults and children there which he had bought. Dp had one, I didn't (fair enough I'm an adult) but he hadn't got one for my DD either. His grandchild, this has really shocked me, I know she's a baby and won't understand but he got some for the other baby's there whom he sees maybe once a year.

AIBU to think he should have got DD a present?

OP posts:
Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 01/01/2015 17:45

Nothing like taking something personally that shouldn't be, Birds Hmm
Did you see that the FIL in this case bought presents for the other babies in the family? Only excluding the OP's? So not a case of thinking that babies don't need presents because they're too small.

Original poster
Magicalsparkles · 01/01/2015 17:45

And if it makes any difference the deposit was 3 years ago , he hasn't bought anything ever for DD ( nt that I have thought he would before Xmas) and we haven't asked for any help since.

OP posts:
CheeseBuster · 01/01/2015 17:48

YABU. A 3 month old doesn't need a present. If she was three or four it is completely different.

Original poster
Magicalsparkles · 01/01/2015 17:50

I don't think allot of people are understanding what I'm saying - I understand she's too young to need a present, but if you went to family members with your parents and they had bought presents for your nieces and nephews but not your own child the same age would you think it was a bit odd? I wouldn't buy for one sister and not the other.. But I appreciate the relevant comments thank you

OP posts:
Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 01/01/2015 17:52

Standard protocol on AIBU, Magical - half the posters only read half the info and judge on that.

lljkk · 01/01/2015 17:53

yeah maybe a bit odd, I'd certainly notice, but I'd also look at the grub-like-babe in my arms and think "Yeah, I can see why there's no point."

You could ask the relatives if he always leaves out babies for present time. If they say "Definitely not" then maybe you've got a point. Still, a Xmas gift is not an entitlement AND it would be your DH's issue to sort out with His Dad.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 01/01/2015 17:54

If you leave one adult and one child out but include everyone else, then of course it's pointed. Why are so many of you making excuses for this nasty man?!

He's hardly 'put a roof over their heads', he lent them, for a very short time, a paultry £200.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 01/01/2015 17:54
  • the OP has already said that he gave gifts to the other babies there.
NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/01/2015 17:58

I wouldn't see the point in getting a present for a baby under about 7/8 months old

TheChandler · 01/01/2015 17:59

Maybe as an older person, he feels a bit awkward/at a loss at what to buy for a baby? Was his present to DP a joint one?

If not, I would have to say its a deliberate snub. I'm sorry to say, but I would take the impression from it that he just doesn't like me very much.

I'm a bit put off by your reference to his being incredibly wealthy. I can't see why that's relevant.

AlwaysLurking38 · 01/01/2015 18:02

I don't think it matters that she's too young to receive presents. Its the thought that counts. My daughter is due in 8 days and she got Christmas presents. I would be really cross if I was in OP's situation. How hurtful

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2015 18:02

""Nothing like taking something personally that shouldn't be, Birds""

If every little non issue wasn't taken personally, this thread and AIBU wouldn't exist.

Personally im finding MN odder and odder over the majority's need to turn mountains into molehills and the unwillingness to use our Human skill of communication.

WTF go through the pretense of meeting up with people you supposedly call family, over Christmas, when you can't even have a conversation with them.

Unless your in it for the handouts, of course.

woollyjumpers · 01/01/2015 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 01/01/2015 18:04

okay, my apologies, OP says first that he bought for "other children" then later adds that he bought for "other baby's".

So I'll assume he gave gifts to several other under 1s, all the other under 1s, who were there.

I would notice, I wouldn't be shocked about it. It's still her DH's problem to sort out with his dad.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 01/01/2015 18:05

Birds - do you mean to turn molehills into mountains? Confused

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2015 18:08

"" - the OP has already said that he gave gifts to the other babies there.""

I'd feel obliged to hand out gifts to other baby's, but not my own GC, because it's a close enough relation to explain that I wasn't doing that and why.

But in my family, especially between Parents/Adult Children, we do this unheard of thing on MN, we talk to each other.

Sounds like there is a lot of fault on both sides, if the OPs DH hasn't already had conversations about this.

Don't most parents ask their children what their GC could be bought?

Doesn't this get bought up in normal conversation when Christmas starts to be planned?

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2015 18:09

""Birds - do you mean to turn molehills into mountains? ""

No, although it's logical to say it that way round, where I'm from, it's put as I've quoted it.

Thanks for your concern.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 01/01/2015 18:11

Not concerned, confused! As per the smiley. You're saying that big things are being reduced to small things, is that what you mean?

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 01/01/2015 18:12

Making mountains out of molehills, that's the phrase I'm familiar with.

HittingABrickWall · 01/01/2015 18:13

YANBU

HittingABrickWall · 01/01/2015 18:13

YANBU

OnlyLovers · 01/01/2015 18:15

If it was just the baby left out I wouldn't think anything of it, but leaving out the OP too does make it look like a pointed message.

OP, has he excluded you from presents or in other ways before?

Original poster
Magicalsparkles · 01/01/2015 18:15

Thechandler - it was Aftershave and boxers for dp. I mentioned him being wealthy before everyone jumped on the 'he might be poor' wagon

OP posts:
HittingABrickWall · 01/01/2015 18:18

Why did that just post twice without me posting at all?

Bizarre.

Anyway, YANBU.

I don't really get the 'we don't buy for babies' attitude. It seems like people don't buy for babies because they won't notice. That sort of implies that you only buy for other people because they would notice.

We tend to buy babies something to celebrate the year of their birth - like a coin set.

But to just exclude one baby (first grandchild) and his/her mother whilst buying for others is mean.

TTTatty · 01/01/2015 18:22

It does seem like he left you out, very poor of him - it doesn't sound like he now 'adores' your dd.

For your partner to sort though - he needs to mention it (am assuming he didn't notice you and dd didn't have a gift at the time otherwise he should have dealt with it there and then?) it is not okay for him to sit back while you and dd are excluded and not okay for your FIL to get away with terrible behaviour

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