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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give DD any money

104 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 31/12/2014 11:51

My DD is 17 and had her birthday the week before Christmas. She was lucky enough to get about £380 off friends and family.

Christmas came she got mostly presents but also got £130 off various family.

She has asked me to lend her a fiver today to go out with her boyfriend.

I'm fuming I told her on Boxing Day to not leave herself with no money while she's off college over Christmas/ new year.

I know she's been on a couple of shopping sprees but I didn't keep checking she hadn't blown it all as she's not a child.

She's now about to go out without a penny I feel shit but I can't hand any over can I?

OP posts:

SacredHeart · 31/12/2014 18:25

Get in line! Adopt me!

BingBongMerrilyOnHigh · 31/12/2014 18:27

Ok, Vivacia sorry I didn't spot that one!

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 31/12/2014 18:30

What ?! I was here first lady. Adopt meeeeeeee

Original poster

Everythingwillbeok · 31/12/2014 18:41

She doesn't earn £100 a month her job is very sporadic she works at a football ground so it's £25 a match but only when they are at home and only when the season is on.

But she does get treats like make up and new pjs and things quite often

OP posts:

Original poster

Everythingwillbeok · 31/12/2014 18:42

I'll adopt you all!!!

In return for putting out bins and putting away washing (my least favourite jobs)

OP posts:

SacredHeart · 31/12/2014 18:44

Done....(and you have been)!

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 31/12/2014 18:44

Ah I see. I will still take the adoption though !!

Minerves · 31/12/2014 18:59

i don't think what she spent it on was wasting it at least - she doesn't earn much so it's stuff she prob needs but couldn't normally afford to buy

HoggleHoggle · 31/12/2014 19:10

I can't believe she gets an allowance, has a job, got £500 in the last fortnight, and asked you for a fiver???

Props to her for actually having a job and all, but if she is still having to ask you for money then she should be getting more hours as she clearly spends more than she earns. At her age I was getting just under £100 a week waitressing, I worked some evenings and all weekends. I never asked my mum for money because I didn't feel like a child anymore and it wasn't her job to find my social life.

Want2bSupermum · 02/01/2015 03:36

To the person who asked where you get 5% interest. I have managed to earn 23% this year in growth of shares plus reinvesting the dividends. I got lucky with a couple and if I remove those the return is 12%.

Cash at the bank is there for emergencies and I would be educating my dd about needing a savings account when they are older. As she is so young all of the money she is earning now should be saved and invested.

Bananayellow · 02/01/2015 09:27

I see the point about it being given to spend on presents, which is all fine and dandy but there was so much of it. It's not teaching them anything except they don't have to consider anyone else. They can do what they want. Someone else will bail them out regardless of their own financial circumstances. It's irresponsible.
I'd want to teach my children to start take financial responsibility for themselves- if they have the means.

bubalou · 02/01/2015 11:03

Yanbu.

She's 17. She should be working and have her own money and she needs to learn to budget.

Stand your ground because it's a lesson she needs to learn.

SoonToBeSix · 02/01/2015 12:37

Why should a 17 year old be working? They are a dependant still at school.

bigTillyMint · 02/01/2015 12:48

Does she have a bank account?

DD(15) works, gets an allowance and got loads of money for Christmas. She has been shopping, plus online, but the rest has gone into her bank account - she is saving for tickets for Reading/a gap year/etc but does spend as and when. I usually give her a fiver when she is eating out even though the meal at home would cost less than that , but she pays for other going out stuff.

Boomtownsurprise · 02/01/2015 14:46

I don't understand what her Xmas money was for?

And whether what she wanted to do was a treat or a budget item?

Do you expect her to fund her life out of presents? Not being snippy but you don't seem to know what you want!

bubalou · 02/01/2015 20:13

A 17 year old should probably be working in my opinion.

Me and all my siblings did and not because we were told to by parents or anything.

I got a job in a restaurant when I turned 16 in the March and worked part time during my GCSEs (no they did not suffer at all).

Then I went full time in holidays until college started where I worked part time while doing 4 A levels and then did extra hours in all half terms etc.

I loved having a job and paying money to my parents, I bought my own car at 17, paid for all my own driving lessons and my college work never suffered at all.

I don't see what harm it does for teenagers to work and think it teaches them responsibility and prepares them for real working life as well as some financial freedom.

justfoundout2014 · 02/01/2015 20:42

Gosh there is a lot of joyless pomposity on this thread: people pointlessly and smugly comparing their pre-teens to a 17 year old girl - why? Is it so hard to remember being 17 and having that amount of money, possibly for the first time, and blowing it all? It was given instead of presents; she has now bought herself the presents- what is so terrible about that? That is not to say that she couldn't/shouldn't have remembered that her allowance/wages had all gone and set aside some spending money for the rest of the holiday, but I don't get the hand-wringing.

Also, why are people stating that they don't have that to spend on themselves, as if that therefore means that she shouldn't have spent it? I imagine most on here are adults with homes to run and dc to support. Again, no comparison to a 17yr old. I can't afford to spend £500 on myself either, but if I was given that as a present, I would probably spend the lot on wants not needs. At my age, that would include stuff for the house I am lusting over and treats for the dc as well as clothes for myself, but that just proves how there is no point in comparing the monthly budget of an adult with the Christmas money of a teenager.

Minerves · 02/01/2015 20:43

i agree that working is good, but also that when you're earning only 100 a month at most and with that amount being variable i think it's ok for parents to be substidising things too. 100 a month is next to nothing - i was earning over 100 a week at my first job and still had help from parents (but i wasnt living at home so my expeisnes were higher)

Runnyhunny · 02/01/2015 20:54

I have a dd 17. Lots of birthday and xmas money. That was given to her to spend on HERSELF, not so that I could save a couple of quid. She's a student who struggles - I'd rather she concentrated on that- of course not all are the same and some can easily take a job in their stride which is great but lets face it- they have the rest of their lives to work.

Original poster

Everythingwillbeok · 02/01/2015 22:36

The money to spend on herself yes obviously. But people like my brother got her a present and also slipped her £20 and do did my neighbour and Mil. To spend over the holidays on tram fares, drinks, fast food ect, and in their words to dot you asking your mum for money all the time.
She got lots of nice clothes, vouchers, make up, perfume and also a kindle fire and driving lessons so it's not as if the money was all she got.

OP posts:

Original poster

Everythingwillbeok · 02/01/2015 22:38

Stop you asking your mum that should have said!

OP posts:

Original poster

Everythingwillbeok · 02/01/2015 22:40

Saving myself a couple of quid is really not my point. It's about her budgeting and not having to spend all the money in less than a week.

OP posts:

bubalou · 02/01/2015 23:28

I understand what you mean everything.

Of course you're not expecting her to go out and buy her own food shopping for the house - she has had over £500 and has spent it in a week and has now asked for money from you to go out.

I would have never had the nerve to go to my mum and ask for any money to go out as I know what the answer would have been and I get your point. You're not asking a lot but surely if she wants to go out when she's had that much money she should have set some aside - even if then to replace it out of her wages so not spending her 'birthday / fun money' people seem so severe about.

Also she is 17 - not 13. She is of a working age and needs to learn about budgeting and the value of money. Maybe have a chat with her about money as you mentioned she gets paid at her job Saturday.

whatswrongnow · 03/01/2015 00:40

My 17 year old ds earns 25e every weekend. He gives it to me. Mon, tues and Wednesday I give him 2e . Then we talk about what he would like to buy. At Xmas he got about 130e. He went to the shops picked what he wanted and got it. The rest has been put way . If the money was left with him ,he would waste it and then ask me for some!

bigTillyMint · 03/01/2015 09:32

Whatswrongnow, I am quite shocked that you have to do that with your 17yo. Surely 13/14 is old enough to start managing their own money with a bank account and debit card - by 17 they should be good at it! They have to learn somewhere!

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