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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give DD any money

104 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 31/12/2014 11:51

My DD is 17 and had her birthday the week before Christmas. She was lucky enough to get about £380 off friends and family.

Christmas came she got mostly presents but also got £130 off various family.

She has asked me to lend her a fiver today to go out with her boyfriend.

I'm fuming I told her on Boxing Day to not leave herself with no money while she's off college over Christmas/ new year.

I know she's been on a couple of shopping sprees but I didn't keep checking she hadn't blown it all as she's not a child.

She's now about to go out without a penny I feel shit but I can't hand any over can I?

OP posts:
Bananayellow · 31/12/2014 17:39

If she hasn't learnt to budget by now, that's pretty worrying. My two early teens wouldn't have put themselves in that predicament. It's not rocket science to realise you need to save some for the rest of the holidays. I'd be pretty annoyed to have been asked.

Theboodythatrocked · 31/12/2014 17:39

Well she spent present money in herself and that's presumably what her relations wanted her to do.

I would have given her the fiver if I could afford to.

Can't really see what she's done that's so bloody awful to be honest.

If you can't afford to fine it her absolutely fair enough but otherwise we would. She's got a job so she's a good kid.

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 17:39

I don't think it'll do her any harm to have a bit of post-Christmas financial hangover. She's been incredibly lucky to have received that amount of money to spend on herself.

Looks at own children and wonders what they'd do with that money at that age. Decides not to risk asking.

ChristmasEva50 · 31/12/2014 17:40

I would give her the fiver. She's 17 and probably quite cross with herself that she has no money left. Speak to her. Help her to learn to budget for the future. Mine are all boys and it's taking them a while to get the hang of it but they are getting there. I'm 50 and still not the best at budgeting.

DaisyFlowerChain · 31/12/2014 17:41

I'd have given it to her too.

Presumably had had the cash in lieu of an actual gift with the intention of the giver that she could buy her own present. Therefore spending it was entirely what it was given for.

At least she has something to show for the money and can say to auntie/gran or whoever that she bought a top, watch etc.

SacredHeart · 31/12/2014 17:43

I don't have a problem her blowing her birthday money on whatever she wants.

But she has a job too to pay for frivolity - if you give her money after spending that with no regard for getting herself through the week on your own head be it.

But you may make a rod for your own back.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 31/12/2014 17:45

I don't think it would have been too greater hardship to keep back a fiver out of five hundred pounds.

Besides which she has a job so shouldn't be borrowing off her mum even if she had spent the lot.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 31/12/2014 17:46

If she's cross with herself id ssume she has learned a valuable lesson about budgeting tbh.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 31/12/2014 17:46

Do not give her a penny! If she has run out of money shes being very irresponsible!!

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2014 17:47

I'm going against the flow here but... Would you give her the fiver if she had received £510 worth of gifts rather than money? How does she normally fund trips out? Does she have a job or do you usually support these trips? The money was a gift for her, not to cover her usual expenses.

I agree.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 31/12/2014 17:49

I went to uni and met so many young people in my first job who constantly had no money and couldn't seem to budget.

Now I understand why.

BingBongMerrilyOnHigh · 31/12/2014 17:52

I wouldn't lend it to her. She would only do the exact same thing next time. Maybe now, she won't.

Am amazed anyone can get through £510 in so short a space of time. I have about £30-50 'frivolous' spending money in an average month.

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 17:56

You just not trying hard enough Bing

marne2 · 31/12/2014 18:03

I wouldn't have given her anything, I know the money was presents to spend on herself but surely this would cover 'going out'?

My dd is 11, she got £100 in cash from family members, we have been shopping twice and she has only spent £15, she's saving the rest incase there is something she wants during the year, she will get more for her birthday next month but she will probably save that too, she knows that I won't be paying for things she wants unless it's something she needs ( clothes, school trips etc..).

BingBongMerrilyOnHigh · 31/12/2014 18:03

I think we do pretty well. I work 3 days a week & support DH (full time student) and DD. But I prioritise my spending.

I see the results every day (at work) of people who can't control their spending habits. I work at the sharp end of a specific field of financial services...

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 18:08

(I was just joking, not about your income but about the ability to spend more than £30 on something frivolous).

Toughasoldboots · 31/12/2014 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

annielouisa · 31/12/2014 18:10

If she has no money for the holiday she will have to accept that. As a money/gift giver though I would be pleased that my gift had been spent on an actual present i.e jeans or a watch or a winter coat rather than frittered away on McDonalds.

To the family and friends she is still a child to be given presents they maybe ones she goes to the store and buys but they are still presents rather than spending money.

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 31/12/2014 18:11

YANBU

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 18:14

Thanks Tough, it was just meant to be a joke. In hindsight I shouldn't have tried it with someone I don't know.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2014 18:18

No I wouldent, it's a precious life lesson. She blew £500, if she budgeted she would have had extra money. At 17, she is neRly an adult and has to learn in the big wide world.

Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 31/12/2014 18:20

I didn't really expect her to save lots of it to fund days out for the next few months which would have saved me money.

I did expect her to save maybe £60 to enjoy the rest of the holidays and to be able to afford to go to the cinema or browse round the shops and get a coffee or something.

She's normally ok with money if she wasnt I would have " looked after" half of it for her until she wanted something.

It's done now but I'm annoyed I feel guilty that she's gone out with no money to even get a drink.

By the way she does get an allowance too but I'm guessing that went before Christmas it goes straight into her bank account.

OP posts:
mrsminiverscharlady · 31/12/2014 18:21

I think the birthday and Christmas money is a red herring. She earns £100 a month and still hasn't managed to save £5 from that. I would be more concerned about her spending the entirety of her wages every month than spending gift money. Saving money from your salary is an incredibly important lesson to learn IMO.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 31/12/2014 18:23

She earns 100 a month and gets an allowance ?

Can you adopt me please ?

christmaspies · 31/12/2014 18:24

Surely going out is fun money?