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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 17 year old to go victoria london tomorrow day time

105 replies

ghostspirit · 30/12/2014 21:36

hi my daughter is 17 a young 17. her and her friend who is 15 both want to meet a boy they know in victoria tomorrow day time. she days she will be home by 7pm. i really don't want her to go. i kicked him out of my house for puffing. when i have seen him its like the lights are on but no bodys home. it seems like the puff had sizzled his brain. i feel quite disapointed my daughter sees him as a friend. at one point there was talk of the 2 girls getting a cab to his house. which i think leaves them vulnerable.

i suggested they meet another day hes not gong to vanish. she says he cant do another day. i repeated to her hes not going to vanish...

so aibu? it comes down to that i cant stand him. hes a puff head. and if the girls decide not to be home by 7 it then gets difficult getting home.

OP posts:
CheeseBuster · 30/12/2014 22:45

It's odd. she's 17, you shouldn't be policing who her friends are but I think it's odd that 2 17yo girls want to hang around with a 15yo boy on NYE. There are so many clubs she could get into and meet actual men. It's all odd Confused maybe just be glad she is still hanging around children instead of sneaking into clubs.

GazpachoSoup · 30/12/2014 22:46

Puffing? What's that, then, drugs?! Speak clearer and I'll feel like I can answer more.

Tenementfunster · 30/12/2014 22:48

Rude much, gazpacho ? We're hanging on your every word...

NotAnotherNewNappy · 30/12/2014 22:49

Seriously, you'll have real trouble finding a black cab around Victoria tomorrow evening. It was busy enough tonight.

I like Viv's plan.

Hatespiders · 30/12/2014 22:50

'Puff' is cannabis. We don't know the age of the lad.

Your instincts are probably right op. Freedom is one thing, but dangerous situations are another. And this is one of them imo.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2014 22:50

The 15 year old's mother sounds really wet. Surely she should be really concerned about this, especially if parents don't even know where this boy 's house is?

SugarPlumTree · 30/12/2014 22:51

I don't get this either. Are you saying you think his cognitive function is impaired due to excessive cannabis use?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 30/12/2014 22:51

who said anything about the boy being 15. of course i will police her/friends im her mum up to me to make sure she is safe

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 30/12/2014 22:52

At what age will she be before she can Do what she wants?
You are coming across as very controlling and tbph she really didn't have to discuss this at all with you. She could quite easily say she is off to mates.
You would be non the wiser.

LuckyLuckyMe · 30/12/2014 22:53

Wow ok. I thought it was £40. Hmm ignore my previous post.

Surely, she can see him another day.

Tenementfunster · 30/12/2014 22:55

Agreed hatesspiders

ilovesooty · 30/12/2014 22:58

I agree with Hatespiders too. I work in criminal justice with substance misusers and this sounds potentially dangerous to me.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 30/12/2014 23:02

yes i agree with hatesiders as well. tenementfunster and ilovesooty.... i will find out what daughter boyfriend is doing tomorrow if nothing then he can stay over. and so cant her friend...let them have couple drinks each and take away. and they can all have a giggle

OP posts:
Tenementfunster · 30/12/2014 23:05

Good luck. I really hope you can get something sorted out

Chocolateteacake · 30/12/2014 23:13

So they will rock up to Victoria with a vague plan around new year and fireworks. It will be cold, wet and most likely pissing it down.

They don't get in anywhere - all booked up, huge door charges and extra age checks, so will be hanging about the riverbank (if they can get within a mile of it).

Yup. Sounds like a teen new year plan to me.

I prefer your plan - takeaway, bottle of cheap fizz and a night in.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 30/12/2014 23:20

yep i like my idea as well. the mum of the 15 year old allows her to have a couple of drinks as well. shes only 10 doors up the road so she can enjoy herself as well. they dont drink at all so it will feel like a big treat to them. they can have their music on and stuff. food bit of drink. all happy. i think they will quite like it...

OP posts:
a2011x · 30/12/2014 23:21

No way, I wouldn't let mine up there regardless of the boy. I know she's older but still....Smile I would say they can all come to you so you can work this situation out in your mind. Useful to know where they met? Your daughter does sound like she's up to no good and sorry but if I was concerned about her doing something risky I'd do something about it and risk being controlling. bring them to you but I would personally have to say no to the plans tomorrow , you know your own daughter though, you say she's a young 17 which indicates she is a little immature and just travelling in and around London requires some skills that an immature teenager doesn't usually hold, add in the random druggy boy and in my mind I feel she is vulnerable , don't know why, I just heard your side to the story, hope it all goes well!

Fiftyplusmum · 30/12/2014 23:32

I would absolutely stop her from going to see a drug addict, address unknown. I would also avoid NYE in Central London anyway. It's horrible - tried to get back from a party once, no cabs, all the night buses full of drunks.....
If you don't mind him being in your home then you could offer that instead as someone has suggested.
How old is the boy? Why is he smoking cannabis? How did they meet him?

goingmadinthecountry · 30/12/2014 23:34

Not sounding good if she goes, and I have 3 kids older than that who I have let do all sorts. Sounds like she's out of her depth. Staying home - even if they have a party (or "gathering") - is a much better idea. My instincts aren't good on this one. Hope they have a lovely safe new year in your home.

Finola1step · 30/12/2014 23:42

I'm London born and bred. Spent my teenage years getting up to no good. This sounds like one of the vague plans that I would have has at that age. A plan that was deliberately vague and the reality would be completely different to what I had told my parents. Trust your gut instinct on this one.

And make it your mission to find out more about this lad.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 00:19

dds boyfriend just got in from work. i questioned him about the boy. he dont know much about him either but not impressed from what hes heard. im hoping he will have a chat with daughter. i have told her no anyway.

OP posts:
nooka · 31/12/2014 00:42

I'm an ex-Londoner and while I agree this plan sounds pretty poorly thought out at that age I'd have done what I liked really, I think my parents had some sort of curfew, but it certainly wasn't 7pm on NYE!

I can see why you are a bit worried and why the bf isn't impressed though.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 01:31

its more to do with whos shes meeting. i dont want her up london new years. but if she had been going with people i know and they are responsible i would have let her go. although i would not like it. but being with people who are sensible helps a bit. someone who takes drugs no way

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 31/12/2014 01:52

She's 17 though. Unless she's likely to go with what you say, then how do you stop her? I would have climbed out the window and done whatever I wanted at that age.

RandomNPC · 31/12/2014 01:56

I wouldn't want my daughters to be associating with some weed smoking waster either. It's difficult if she's 17 though; it very much depends on your relationship with her. Don't know what the 15 year old's mother is thinking though!