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AIBU?

to not let my 17 year old to go victoria london tomorrow day time

105 replies

ghostspirit · 30/12/2014 21:36

hi my daughter is 17 a young 17. her and her friend who is 15 both want to meet a boy they know in victoria tomorrow day time. she days she will be home by 7pm. i really don't want her to go. i kicked him out of my house for puffing. when i have seen him its like the lights are on but no bodys home. it seems like the puff had sizzled his brain. i feel quite disapointed my daughter sees him as a friend. at one point there was talk of the 2 girls getting a cab to his house. which i think leaves them vulnerable.

i suggested they meet another day hes not gong to vanish. she says he cant do another day. i repeated to her hes not going to vanish...

so aibu? it comes down to that i cant stand him. hes a puff head. and if the girls decide not to be home by 7 it then gets difficult getting home.

OP posts:

Report

NobodyLivesHere · 31/12/2014 02:05

I think if you think he was alone in the 'puffing' in your home you are fairly naive.

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 13:24

i have told daughter shes not going and shes agreed not to. shes just gonna get her hair done come home and help me put new bed up. and might do something at home this evening...

i told the other mum that my daughter is not going. apparently thr 15 year old is still allowed to go. which i find very odd

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paperlace · 31/12/2014 13:29

When I was 17 my parents had no idea where I was going on out NYE or Sat night etc. None whatsoever - we went to Camden, W1, Brixton, all over London in various cars, buses, trains. I associated with many puff heads. I managed to survive to be an old git and not get addicted to anything or get into any trouble.

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 13:42

I'd left home at 16, but that's hardly relevant when we've already been told that this 17 is immature.

paperlace · 31/12/2014 15:54

How's she going to mature and become more responsible though, Vivacia, if she's not allowed to go out to wherever she chooses and learn from mistakes etc? She's old enough to marry, drive and will be an adult in a few months (weeks?).

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 16:08

she does not have to put herself in danger/at risk to learn. its not safe to go to a boys house not knowing the area or address and his off his head on puff/drugs drink what ever els could be there.

im an adult and would not put myself in that situation. and again as an adult if i go out anywhere i always tell someone where im going and i keep in contact via phone.

its all about being safe

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LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 31/12/2014 16:13

Im amazed by the concept of 'letting' a 17 year old do things. Just be grateful you know what she's planning!

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 16:15

i also dont think you suddenly become 'adult' when you hit 18 theres not a button we press that flicks onto adult.

as i said shes a young 17. little example silly one but still shows how she thinks... she wanted 10 pounds. to add to money she had so she can get hr hair cut. i only had a little cash in the house. i had to go online banking to transfer money but i got a blank to all my pass words. my daughter said she can take the 10 in change.. i said i need to keep that incase i need it for electric or something...

she started going on and on about how her hair might all full out :/ and if i had allowed her she would have taken my last ten pounds and she would have allowed the electric to run out.

then moaned thats its dark and nothing in the house works lol

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ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 16:20

it amazing me how many parents would allow their 17 year old into a boys house they dont know where it is. how far from home... and drugs are being taken..

what if something happend ie she did not come home. ring police. police ask where she was going... oh officer they were going up london. meeting a boy who takes drugs, then to his house. no i dont know his address or the area...

she can do most things just not that....

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TheyThinkImCool · 31/12/2014 16:32

Ghostspirit Please don't worry about others, you are doing the right thing by not letting her go.

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 16:43

thank you. i think maybe daughter knows that. when we were talking about it. she was at her mates house messaging me over and over again with attitude... in the end i rang her said we will talk about it when she gets in. she said alright in bite my head of tone. when she got in. i told her shes not going. she can meet him another time. in a safer place. and she just said ok. never bothered to ague.

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bloodyteenagers · 31/12/2014 16:44

Sorry but the money thing is a typical thing. I have had similar conversations in the past, although she came out with better reasons.

A part of growing up is to know what to do in different scenarios. No you don't suddenly become an adult at 18,
You need the skills. But once she is 18 she doesn't have to tell you anything. If she wants to stay out all night and see whoever she will be able to.

Next time she might not tell you anything. You cannot continue to vet her mates. In a few months she will be 18. She don't have to go to this guys house and do drugs. She can and has stayed at home and done them. She can do them in the vetted mates
Houses. At the boyfriends. The park.

And yes I let my 17 year travel around London. We live here, so she and her older siblings have travelled lots

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 16:58

but i hope to think me and my daughter have a better relationship than that... not that she turns 18 and suddenly i can do what i want im 18 i dont have to tell you a thing....

im an adult and people know what im doing and where im going. as much as there may be hic-cups i hope daughter will be similar

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Bakeoffcakes · 31/12/2014 16:59

bloody I think you are totally wrong. My DDs are 21 and 24, they both live away most of the time as at uni, but "she doesn't have to tell you anything" isn't how I brought up my two.

If they are in our house thye are expected to have the common decency to tell me where they are going, who with and when they will be back- just like I would to them. It's basic manners for people living together, who respect each other.

ghost is doing exactly the right thing by telling her dd she isn't going to meet this boy tonight, she's given her an alternative and her dd is really happy with it. She has handled this situation well and I would have done exactly the same.

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 31/12/2014 17:02

Her mistake is telling you her plans. She just won't let on in future.

Has she gone? I'd be cringing at the thought of a tea party at my mum's at 17.

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 17:05

thanks bakeoffcakes... thats how it is in my home. and it was the same when i was a teen as well.

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joanne1947 · 31/12/2014 17:07

I remember being 17, (it was in 1964). I am sure that I was totally pissed at New Year. Am I bad? At 17 your daughter could be married, living on her own, as I was, or doing lots of "bad" things.
If you are too strict she is likely to rebel and go overboard so give her some freedom and set reasonable limits. I do not think going into a city on NYE is an unreasonable thing to do for a 17 year old, (or a 15 year old with a 17 year old)

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 17:08

oh ok so i dont tell her not to put herself at risk incase she dont tell me next time.

no she did not go....

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Bakeoffcakes · 31/12/2014 17:09

Rita I don't think you should judge all 17 year olds on how you were. Everyone is different.

And as an aside both of mine still being their friends round to us for "a tea party", we've had a house full over Christmas. And I wouldn't have it any other way, I love it. They've both gone back to their uni cities for a New Year knees up, which is brilliant, and as they are older than 17, and not coming back here tonight, they can get up to what ever they like.

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 17:10

joanne. she does loads. i just did not want her meeting this boy in london whos a puff head.

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Bakeoffcakes · 31/12/2014 17:12

ghost as others have said, don't listen to those saying you shouldn't be telling your 17 year old what to do.

Of course you bloody should in circumstances like these and thousands of other mums will agree with you.

I hope you all have a good night tonight.

joanne1947 · 31/12/2014 17:14

puff head is a strange expression. One definition of it is "Another derogatory (and funny) nickname for old women. This comes from the fact that most old women apparently have short, permed hairdos, which are actually pretty dumb looking" from www.urbandictionary.com/

BadKatie · 31/12/2014 17:14

No, she shouldnt go. She sounds vunerable to me.

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 17:23

thanks bakeoffcakes... i just asked her what she has planned she said she dont know. and i said let me know. so she said im not going london sod that. then few mins later she said her bf messaged her. hes getting munchies, drinks and stuff and hes coming here.

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Tinks42 · 31/12/2014 17:33

Hope you're going to make him turn his pockets out before he comes in too. Seriously, there is no way I'd have him in my house otherwise.

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