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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this lady at the cash point was rude

73 replies

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 15:37

Went into town today which was busy due to sales shopping, to go and see a show and have lunch with DD(5). We went up to a cashpoint outside a bank, on a narrow piece of pavement, and waited near to an oldish lady who was using the machine. At one point we looked past her at a pub menu sign on the pavement, and stepped back again. As her cash was coming out, she said to me 'you are supposed to stand further away', I said we were just looking at that sign. She said 'I know but you are supposed to stand further back'. I am usually really friendly to people but something about her tone got my back up so I said 'don't worry, I am not going to grab your money and run off, I won't get far with a five year old will I?'. She said 'it is just good manners'. I replied 'we'll you haven't got any' as she walked away.

We seriously were not right behind her at all, not looking at the screen or her transaction, alongside her, and because the pavement was narrow could not have gone further away.

I am also annoyed, if I was a genuinely threatening looking person rather than obviously a mum with a young child I don't think she would have said anything.

I feel I was a bit rude but I think she was rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 30/12/2014 15:39

If there was nowhere else to stand then no, YWNBU. But being with a young child doesn't mean you aren't a thief, indeed children are often used to distract.

snice · 30/12/2014 15:41

I think older people can be understandably very nervous using a cash machine and any movement behind them sets off alarm bells.
I think you were rather rude/sarky to her actually

SirChenjin · 30/12/2014 15:44

It's hard to say really. On one hand, there is nothing more off putting than someone standing behind you and moving about as you're trying to use the cash machine and you've no idea what they are doing. It doesn't matter if you've got a child or a certain 'look' - anyone can be involved in card fraud (as we found out to our cost a couple of years back) Otoh, some people do take the whole business of using a cash machine very seriously.

Your parting comment was a bit cheeky, but it sounds as if you both met your match tbh Grin

muminhants · 30/12/2014 15:46

This happened to me once in Germany when I was studying there. It was another student. I was probably a bit rude to him, thinking he was being a bit precious (especially as cashpoints over there tend to be indoors and have a "discretion" line behind which you are supposed to stand, and I was). Anyway as part of my course over there I had to do an oral exam and he sat in on it! He was very pleasant so I don't know if he recognised me but I was somewhat embarrassed.

sliceofsoup · 30/12/2014 15:48

I think YABU. Child or no child it does make people uncomfortable to stand close at cash points.

You could have just explained about the sign and then apologised. Its really not a big enough deal to be defensive. She called you out on standing too close, just accept that you were too close, whether it was your fault or not.

DustInTheWind · 30/12/2014 15:53

I think you were ill-mannered, why not just say 'Sorry, I was looking at the sign' and accept that you had made her feel uncomfortable?
DS is tall and possibly threatening-looking, and he has to remember to give women more space than usual and not walk behind them. Especially at night. He doesn't see himself as dangerous, but perceptions differ.

Original poster
Arcadia · 30/12/2014 15:54

If she had said that she was finding us/me too close rather than implying I was breaking some general rule I wouldn't have minded.it was the fact of her saying what I was 'supposed' to do' when there is no line or guidance as to where to stand it is entirely subjective!

But yes I was feeling grumpy so points taken! I should have been more understanding.

Embarrassing muminhants!

OP posts:
Original poster
Arcadia · 30/12/2014 15:55

I did dustinthewind but she repeated it regardless! which is what wound me up. School marmy tone!

OP posts:
DoJo · 30/12/2014 15:55

I would have said sorry to her - you obviously made her feel uncomfortable whether you meant to or not, and unless the pub sign was going somewhere, you could have looked at it after she had finished. It's hardly surprising that many people feel anxious using a cash point, so I would have felt bad if I had contributed to that.

TheReluctantCountess · 30/12/2014 15:55

You made her feel uncomfortable. Good on her for having the guts to say something. I think you were a bit rude.

usefully · 30/12/2014 15:56

I dunno. Probably. Who cares?

DustInTheWind · 30/12/2014 15:58

Well, I'm a school marm so I suppose that's why I found your response discourteous! Grin

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 30/12/2014 16:02

Oh I find it's much easier & polite to just say sorry rather than something rude back

QTPie · 30/12/2014 16:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 30/12/2014 16:09

It's you that was rude tbh, not her! You should've just said sorry and moved back.

amicissimma · 30/12/2014 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2014 16:13

YABU

Do you have any idea how many adults with kids commit crime?

If she felt threatened by how close you were, you should probably cut her some slack regarding her 'manners'.

TheCraicDealer · 30/12/2014 16:13

Do you recognise the back of her head here OP?

Grin
To think this lady at the cash point was rude
SirChenjin · 30/12/2014 16:14

I do see where you're coming from though OP - it's the "you are supposed to" that would get my goat a bit. If someone was standing too close to me I would use an assertive I statement eg "I feel uncomfortable with you standing so close, could you move back please"

Telling someone what they are 'supposed' to do smacks of being put in your place

SoleSource · 30/12/2014 16:16

YABU you made her feel uncomfortable and you know the 'rules'.

Vycount · 30/12/2014 16:17

I don't think she was unreasonable, maybe just didn't express herself very well, but then, she was probably feeling awkward about even saying something. There was obviously room for you to stand further away or she wouldn't have said this (you've made it clear yourself in your post). Sure, there's no law about this, but she had a point, there are notices on cashpoints warning people to be careful when using them.
Honestly I think you could have waited a couple of minutes before studying your pub menu, you were unreasonable to get close enough to make her feel uncomfortable and you were rude to her.

SirChenjin · 30/12/2014 16:18

Love that photo craic Grin

GlitzAndGigglesx · 30/12/2014 16:21

I don't like people lurking behind me when I'm withdrawing cash I don't care what they look like. You were rude to her she wasn't rude she felt uncomfortable so good on her for speaking up. The sign could've waited

Original poster
Arcadia · 30/12/2014 16:22

amicissima the whole point of my post was to reflect on how I behaved and I already conceded in my first post that I was rude. The mention of her age was in fact to provide support to her position, in the interests of providing a balanced picture, as it is relevant that she probably does feel more threatened and vulnerable. I have not said she was unreasonable, I was asking for opinions which I am taking on board. I think you have misinterpreted my posts.

Thanks sirjenin, I am glad you get it. I was just surprised that I found myself being rude back which I am not normally so was reflecting on it.

OP posts:
PurpleSwift · 30/12/2014 16:25

Yabu. While I totally understand why you got defensive you should have just moved back and apologised.