To think this lady at the cash point was rude

[Arcadia]

Went into town today which was busy due to sales shopping, to go and see a show and have lunch with DD(5). We went up to a cashpoint outside a bank, on a narrow piece of pavement, and waited near to an oldish lady who was using the machine. At one point we looked past her at a pub menu sign on the pavement, and stepped back again. As her cash was coming out, she said to me 'you are supposed to stand further away', I said we were just looking at that sign. She said 'I know but you are supposed to stand further back'. I am usually really friendly to people but something about her tone got my back up so I said 'don't worry, I am not going to grab your money and run off, I won't get far with a five year old will I?'. She said 'it is just good manners'. I replied 'we'll you haven't got any' as she walked away.

We seriously were not right behind her at all, not looking at the screen or her transaction, alongside her, and because the pavement was narrow could not have gone further away.

I am also annoyed, if I was a genuinely threatening looking person rather than obviously a mum with a young child I don't think she would have said anything.

I feel I was a bit rude but I think she was rude. AIBU?

you are supposed to stand further away

'Oh, sorry'. Smile. Move forward to use the ATM.

Why is that so difficult?

You were unnecessarily rude and confrontational.

It is so difficult because the woman had unilaterally decided that the OP should have stood somewhere that it wasn't physically possible to stand - after she had taken her money out of the machine.

If this had been a young bloke with his mate telling the OP where she was 'supposed' to stand then I would bet money on the general consensus being he was a rude twat

If I understand the situation correctly, you were in a public place, on the public pavement, standing with your daughter in public. Why does any old git think she has a right to start to make up rules like 'you are supposed to stand further away', I'd have thought afterwards to ask exactly which rule or law she is quoting with such a statement. (I seldom manage such a reply at the time)
It was a public place, you and your daughter and members of the public, she does not have any extra rights over the space near her.
YANBU

Could you not stand to the side of her if the pavement was narrow?

I think you were ill-mannered, why not just say 'Sorry, I was looking at the sign' and accept that you had made her feel uncomfortable?
This
she probably was a bit rude, but who the heck cares!there is just no point in escalating these kerfuffles over nothing!

Joanne, that's exactly the reasoning that my son, who has Asperger's and is 6' tall with a very serious expression would have. He doesn't get why some women find it alarming to have him walking behind them on a dark night, or looming near them.
It's taken me a long time to get him to understand social boundaries, and how people have expectations of privacy and space without him being annoying or scary just by being him.
The convention is that you stand a certain distance away from the person using the cashpoint, and you don't look at them whilst they do it. Most good manners are just social conventions.

You were the rude one. If you wanted to read the pub menu so badly; why not stand in front of it instead of behind someone at a cashpoint and crane over their shoulder??

" Fwiw, you ARE supposed to stand further away, it's just polite."
Further away than what?

Joanne, that's exactly the reasoning that my son, who has Asperger's and is 6' tall with a very serious expression would have. He doesn't get why some women find it alarming to have him walking behind them on a dark night, who said it was a dark night? I thought as the OP had her 5 year old with her it was in daylight.

Wouldn't make any difference, he wouldn't be as rude as you

'Why does any old git think she has a right to start to make up rules like 'you are supposed to stand further away','

but he'd be thinking along the same lines.

I think you were rude. I also think the age of the woman has been put in because you want to reinforce the notion of a bossy stereotype.

Yabu if she felt threatened you too close.. Stand further back. Just imagine its you, how would you feel?

I also think the age of the woman has been put in because you want to reinforce the notion of a bossy stereotype.

That's how it came across to me, too. And joanne "old git" is even more ageist and offensive.

She could have had a nasty experience in the past and, understandably behaving over cautiously, but there was no reason at all for you to be rude to her. You should have apologised to her. Did nobody teach you to respect your elders?

And joanne "old git" is even more ageist and offensive. I'm 67 and feel that loads of people younger than me are "old gits". It is attitude that matters and the person who demanded space at the ATM had a bad attitude and seemed to think she had a right to own the space around her.

So explain then what age has to do with having a bad attitude. And why you think it is appropriate to use "old" as an insult.

Hi all. Just popping by with a quick reminder of our Talk Guidelines, particularly with regard to ageism. Thanks!
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If you felt that this lady was using a snarky tone to get her point across then she probably was, and in the circs I don't find your response inappropriate. If she is going to 'dish' it then she needs to be accept that she may be met with a snippy reply

Thank you Iona.

stealth further away or more space than you would stand behind someone in general, for example in a shop or queue, or just in a public place. If someone is getting cash out of a machine you use your head and give them some space.

Thanks, Iona.

YABU. Sounds like you were too close. She asked you to respect the general code of good manners which has built up around behaviour at cash machines - about not standing too close - and you were rude to her.