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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this lady at the cash point was rude

73 replies

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 15:37

Went into town today which was busy due to sales shopping, to go and see a show and have lunch with DD(5). We went up to a cashpoint outside a bank, on a narrow piece of pavement, and waited near to an oldish lady who was using the machine. At one point we looked past her at a pub menu sign on the pavement, and stepped back again. As her cash was coming out, she said to me 'you are supposed to stand further away', I said we were just looking at that sign. She said 'I know but you are supposed to stand further back'. I am usually really friendly to people but something about her tone got my back up so I said 'don't worry, I am not going to grab your money and run off, I won't get far with a five year old will I?'. She said 'it is just good manners'. I replied 'we'll you haven't got any' as she walked away.

We seriously were not right behind her at all, not looking at the screen or her transaction, alongside her, and because the pavement was narrow could not have gone further away.

I am also annoyed, if I was a genuinely threatening looking person rather than obviously a mum with a young child I don't think she would have said anything.

I feel I was a bit rude but I think she was rude. AIBU?

OP posts:

Vycount · 30/12/2014 16:25

Oh OK Op, to reply to the original question... No, I don't think she was rude, probably just felt a bit edgy about saying anything at all and... yes, I do think you were rude, but you seem very nice and probably won't jump so quickly in a similar situation next time.

Jumpinginside · 30/12/2014 16:29

Arcadia, I think the old woman sounded like she was being a bit rude. She said 'you are supposed to' Rather than 'would you mind' standing further away. It has obviously upset you, if she wants to be grumpy and rude ignore her.

Vivacia · 30/12/2014 16:32

I think you were unreasonable. I think most people would have just said sorry and accepted that the other person felt they had stood too close.

Vivacia · 30/12/2014 16:33

I also think it's strange that you were rude to her whilst your young child was there.

Original poster

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 16:34

Thanks Vycount, I have never been called nice on mumsnet before . To clarify, in the picture posted above we were probably standing about where the next lady is in the queue!

OP posts:

Cobain · 30/12/2014 16:35

I am middle ageish and was mugged at a cashpoint, it is very distracting when you feel vulnerable and someone is hovering behind you. Giving people space at a cashpoint in general curtesy.

SirChenjin · 30/12/2014 16:36

If you were where that next lady is standing in the queue - where on earth where you 'supposed' to stand?

Original poster

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 16:36

I know Vivacia I felt bad to have a negative interaction in front of her. again didn't understand what wound me up about it. I was hungry though (no excuse) - felt better after a roast and a drink!

OP posts:

Camolips · 30/12/2014 16:37

Interesting that you think that she wouldn't have said anything if you were a genuinely threatening person. Would you have been as rude if SHE had been a 'threatening' person?

Original poster

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 16:38

Exactly, There was literally nowhere else to go! I think our movement was a problem , that is because my DD moved, then back into place next to me (as children do), I understand if the movement startled her (even though it was a busy pavement with passers by anyway!) but it was the being 'told off' thing that got me!

OP posts:

Vivacia · 30/12/2014 16:38

Everyone feels better after a bite to eat

Original poster

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 16:41

I agree Camolips, I did reflect on that too! again why I should probably have been more polite, and it is also wrong of me to generalise as to who looks like a threatening person, also she wasn't actually looking at us. On reflection think it is the fault of where the bank has positioned the machine. I should have taken a photo of it so I could show you!

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 30/12/2014 16:42

Yes, sounds like it was more the movement that bothered her - she's obviously taking the "be aware at the cashline" warnings very much to heart! She was going to put firmly in your place, young whippersnapper

And now - forget it ever happened, and beware of tempting pub menus from now on and hide this thread or otherwise you'll keep overplaying it in your mind

Original poster

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 16:42

Vivacia a Wetherspoons Christmas dinner and a (small) beer did the trick!

OP posts:

Original poster

Arcadia · 30/12/2014 16:43

Thanks SirChenjin will disappear from this thread now!

OP posts:

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 30/12/2014 16:56

I don't understand what she stood to gain from telling you what you were supposed to do? She said this after she had used the machine, right? People don't trends to respond well to being told what they're supposed to do so I think she stayed the whole verbal interaction on the wrong foot, putting you in a position where you either had to meekly apologise as though she were indeed your superior, or respond rudely/confrontationally.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 30/12/2014 16:57

Started the, not stayed the

Viviennemary · 30/12/2014 17:02

She just felt uncomfortable as she thought you were standing too close for whatever reason. If you were too close YABU if you weren't YANBU.

flipchart · 30/12/2014 17:07

I think farir play to her for articulating how uncomfortable you made her feel. Also she is correct with saying you are supposed to stand back.
So YABU and also rude.

buttercupbear · 30/12/2014 17:08

You were really rude. You were obviously making her feel uncomfortable, I hate it when people loiter around me at a cash point. Your kid being with you is irrelevant. Why wouldn't you just apologise and explain about the sign?

Fwiw, you ARE supposed to stand further away, it's just polite.

lemisscared · 30/12/2014 17:10

yabu - i nearly lamped a teenage girl last night i was walking home from work and she was walking right close behind me and seemed to totally match my speed. i was genuinely ready to turn round and lash out as i felt quote nervous. imagine my horror when i stopped and stepped aside to see a teenage girl in clumpy boots oblivious to anything. big smile on her face. thankfully she'll never know how close she got to getting thumped. i am a hefty woman and don't scare easily but i felt intimidated so i can imagine an old lady at a cash point would have felt the same.

DustInTheWind · 30/12/2014 17:52

See, that could have been my DS as the victim of an unprovoked assault, and he'd have walloped you right back without thinking.

SirChenjin · 30/12/2014 18:01

Agree with all of your post decaff

2015 · 30/12/2014 18:08

If you were standing as far away as the person in the picture then that's far enough away. I suspect though, that by peering at the sign she must have thought you were trying to look at her PIN number.

I think you sound as though you were rude and snippy but I think she sounded as though she was rude too. It's hard to tell.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/12/2014 18:15

I don't think either of you were unreasonable exactly, except perhaps for your parting shot, which was a little bit rude. She didn't like where you stood and tried to give her complaint more standing by pretending there was some kind of unversally understood standard which you had breached (which there isn't). You pointed out that you weren't actually a thief, and alluded to that being obvious by suggesting your 5 year old was some sort of signal to everyone (which others have pointed out is not actually true). It wasn't the most courteous conversation, but it was a fairly clear one. No one was hurt by it. But you are both now aware that your assumptions are not shared by everyone, which could be seen as a bonus if either of you care to learn from it.

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