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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for your views on children and room sharing

94 replies

frostyrivers · 30/12/2014 14:31

DD is 7 years old, and DS is 5. They have shared a room since DS moved out of ours and seem to love it.

However, I'm very conscious of two things - firstly, that being different genders, they will need privacy at some point - and secondly, that we have no way of moving for the foreseeable.

When do you think the maximum age for children of different genders to part company is? They turn 8 and 6 in the spring.

OP posts:

Droflove · 30/12/2014 17:07

I've a 2 yr old boy and 4 mth old girl. I'll move them in as soon as I am confident they will both get good sleep together. I think I will know when they need their own space, ie. they will tell me. I would think about 9/10yrs old but if its later, that's fine too with me. I think you'd have to be a very strange uptight family to have a problem with a 6yr old and 8 yr old sharing!! I hope my two will share when much older if we are away or staying at granny's etc. We have 4 bedrooms, soon to be 5. But I don't care that 3 will be spare. Its lovely for them to have each other and have the company and fun.

Knottyknitter · 30/12/2014 17:14

I shared with db from 10-12 (he was 5-7).

It was awful. I started periods in that time, needed own space dreadfully, and was unable to eg read in bed as db needed light off etc.

I understood then it was necessary (rental to get to dads new job in housing crash of late 80s) and now as an adult of course I get it, but for a pubescent girl it was still shit.

I would rather have slept on the sofa.

SapphireMoon · 30/12/2014 17:22

This thread has had me looking at my boys room. The fact they are both boys does make a difference as others have said.
Not much room for manouvre but room for a bit of imagination and some serious decluttering and tidying up!

JennyBlueWren · 30/12/2014 17:24

I was the middle with brothers either side. Parents gave me my own room aged 5 (DBs 7 and 3) when DB outgrew cot. I felt so lonely and upset that they swapped me and DB in the middle of the night.

I was told though that I would have to have moved into it by age 10. I moved across when I was 7 or 8 -presumably I was fighting with DB around then or DBs were playing together in "the boys' room" as it's been known since.

Mountainygirl · 30/12/2014 17:26

What about changing your sofa in the lounge for a sofa bed?

We live in a two bed cottage and it's unlikely we'll be moving any time soon. DD is 7 and we're TTC. Obviously that gives us a few years leeway for moving house, but we've talked it over, and if we do find that we are stuck with two children needing their own rooms, then DH and I will sleep in the lounge. Our sofa came with the house, and it turns into a really nice bed, actually :) nicer than the double in our room! Ideally of course I'd prefer my own room, but on the other hand, we'd be right by the fire, we'd be able to lie in bed and watch telly... Our room is too small for anything except a bed and wardrobe anyway, so it would just be a matter of spending a few quid on smart clothes storage...

To be honest though, as the age gap between DD and potential second child will be larger, I think they will need a room each. I wouldn't expect a 12 year old to share with a 2 year old for instance. However, if I had your age gap, I wouldn't think twice about letting them share for quite some time.

livingonaprayer1986 · 30/12/2014 17:39

My cousins (2 girls 2 boy's) had ti share a bedroom in my aunts 2 bed house. As the older 2 girls turned older (11 and 13) my aunty and uncle moved into the lounge and put a sofa bed in there, giving the older 2 girls their bedroon so each sex had a separate bedroom. Could you do this? Are you in private renting or council? If council they will let you move and give you another room when your daughter turns 10.

Iggly · 30/12/2014 17:44

Can you move to a slightly different location which is commutable to schools/work?

What will happen for secondary school? Will you stay put?

My dd and ds share a room (5&3) and probably will for another 2-3 years.

Artandco · 30/12/2014 17:47

We live in a one bed flat. Children share bedroom with us. There is no other way, so we will be staying here for the foreseeable future. They don't appear to be suffering right now.

Chrysanthemum5 · 30/12/2014 17:49

Until a few months ago ds(10) and dd(7) shared a room. Dd loved it but DS was starting to get to the stage where he was fed up about a year ago. We knew we couldn't do anything about it until summer so we rearranged the dining area to be a playroom /dining room for DS. It meant they had separate areas for playing with their friends and only really shared the room for sleeping that worked pretty well.

In terms of sleepovers we would wait until one of the DCs had an invitation to a sleepover and then allow the other DC to have a friend over that night. That kept them both happy.

We were fortunate to be able to extend and give them both a room but I'd say it wasn't really any concern until DS turned 9 and then it was mainly that his friends commented on him sharing with his sister.

kungfupannda · 30/12/2014 18:00

Have a look on pinterest - I've seen loads of creative solutions for siblings sharing small rooms on there.

clevernickname · 30/12/2014 18:08

I spent my teens at boarding school where we all shared 4-person rooms, single-sex of course, but still no privacy, and then I was in a co-ed dorm at university where students had their own rooms or shared with a same-sex roommate but the rooms alternated boy-girl-boy-girl on each floor and bathrooms were all shared. Historically, all but the wealthiest families would have shared a sleeping space regardless of age or gender. My ds (9) and dd (8) still share and I hope they will continue to do so for quite a few years due to similar situation as OP. FWIW, most of their arguments are not gender-related, just ordinary sibling squabbles.

ProudAS · 30/12/2014 18:17

What if the door were to be replaced with a sliding type - would that give room for two high sleepers?

soverylucky · 30/12/2014 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 30/12/2014 18:36

OP, have you had your flat valued? We have just had DS, and DD is three. Our flat is Lounge, Kitchen, Small Bedroom, Large Bedroom and Bathroom. We cant split the large bedroom due to the bay window.

We know we will need to move at some point and we have given ourselves three years to get the flat in a saleable conditon. We are hoping to have some equity in it by then (hopefully about 10k), and we will buy a three bed flat (as thats all we could afford), and potentially in a less desireable (but still ok) location so we will be paying the same on the mortgage.

Failing that......lord knows. Sofabed in the lounge.

jellybeans · 30/12/2014 19:00

I would say ideally 11 or so for opp genders but it isn't the end of the world. However DD1's best friend shared until she was 17 and her DB 19!! So that older DB 21 could keep his own room! However it didn't seem to bother her. Has her own now he has moved out.

Original poster

frostyrivers · 30/12/2014 19:12

I know, Hacked.

The problem with moving is we simply can't afford anything local enough for work/schools that is a 3 bed ... we've been hit a bit with credit crunch / recession and while things are on a more even keel we accumulated a bit of debt in that time

It'll have to be a sofa bed in the lounge ... Lord knows how, as our wardrobe, chest of drawers are in there now! It's so horribly cramped. Beautiful flat for a single person or couple - couple with children - not so gorgeous!

I wish I could go back in time and advise a 21 year old me to buy a nice 3 bed! :)

OP posts:

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 30/12/2014 19:14

So its not ideal, but surely sleepovers could sleep in the living room?

Sorry nothing else more useful to suggest that hasn't been suggested earlier.

dragdownthemoon · 30/12/2014 19:15

We have three kids and two bedrooms, so we moved our bed downstairs to the lounge. It goes lengthways against the wall so doesn't protrude into the room too much. During the day it has a throw and cushions on it, we have some lovely long roll shaped cushions which we put either end to give it a slightly more sofa-y look. (We also have a sofa in the lounge). Then we sleep in it at night, it is a bit of a pain to have to reassemble all the cushions in the morning but it means that I don't have to have three kids sleeping in one room! Is this an option for you? Could you sleep in the lounge? We've got so used to it, and actually it is quite nice cos in the school holidays DH gets up to go to work, sorts the kids out their breakfast and I stay in bed, then they sit in the lounge watching TV and I am still in bed! Genius.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 30/12/2014 19:16

We had a sofa bed in the lounge in your situation. It has to be a good quality one though and we stored our clothes in wardrobes etc in one of the DC's rooms.

I thought it would be awful but surprisingly it wasn't. The only problem was one fancied an early night and other wanted to stay up watching TV etc. Not insurmountable. Oddly enough DH grew up in an extremely large family in a 3 bed house whereas my childhood home had more bedrooms than people - yet I was the one fine with the lounge/bedroom, DH wasn't so keen!

If there just isn't room to divide the room, I think it's a workable solution. A bedroom each really is a luxury for a lot of people these days I think.

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