To ask for your views on children and room sharing

[frostyrivers]

DD is 7 years old, and DS is 5. They have shared a room since DS moved out of ours and seem to love it.

However, I'm very conscious of two things - firstly, that being different genders, they will need privacy at some point - and secondly, that we have no way of moving for the foreseeable.

When do you think the maximum age for children of different genders to part company is? They turn 8 and 6 in the spring.

I shared a room with my brother until I moved out at 16 (he was 8), other than fighting about whos turn it was to tidy up we got on fine.

This was in 2002 so not that long ago either.

I have an 8.5 year old boy and an almost 2yo daughter, if she ever starts sleeping through they will share too as we can't afford to buy and the social housing lists are years long here.

I grew up in a pretty poor family and my mum, brother and I had to move in with grandparents as children. My brother and I had to share a room throughout childhood and well into our teenage years.

Looking back, it was totally fine! We got creative and put a bunkbed in the center of the room, at the bottom we put plasterboard on the left hand side, which made the bunk and the right hand side of the room mines. At the top we put plasterboard at the right hand side, which made the left side of the room and the top bunk my brothers. We got changed in the bathroom, watched movies on the laptop with headphones in. I read books quite alot. Texted friends rather than called. You get the picture. We missed out on TV in the room and sleepovers maybe (although if he was at a friends i could have friends over), but do you know what, it wasnt bad at all.

And now i'm 23 with 2 DDs, hes 21. He actually bought the house off my grandparents when they moved to sheltered accom, and I bought a flat just along the road, we're really close. Along at eachothers for dinner frequently, the girls love him, we have big family holidays, his girlfriend was my maid of honour at our wedding. I wouldnt change our upbringing for the world so I guess i just want to say dont worry yourself too much. If you can move- great! If not, get creative and they will adjust.

Well, if that's what you've got they'll have to coped it won't damage them.

Or, if your area is so desirable, could you sell and move to a bigger house in a less desirable area?

Schools can be an issue if moving.
School my two attend not seen as great by many but my children love it.
Also eldest will go with his best friend to secondary he can walk to.
Moving area may mean changing schools for some people which is a big deal.

My two eldest (girl and boy) share at the moment, they're 8 and 7. No one has ever mentioned it to them at school, afaik. We're about to move and split them up but really that's because the eldest (girl) chats for hours and keeps the younger one up late and he's bloody knackered. Neither of them have any issues with self-consciousness yet, the eldest is more conscious of changing for PE at school but very happy to wander round naked at home. It's just what they are used to, so I should think you'll get a good few years before that starts to be an issue for you.

It's schools and jobs Hermione that are influencing staying here (particularly the jobs.) Plus, we do have family here.

I really had hoped our finances would have improved so that we could look at moving in the next 2 years - I wouldn't be as worried if I could see a way out, if I could see that yes it was a pain for 9 year old DD sharing with her little brother but we'd be moving soon. It's more the thought of a 14 year old and 12 year old in together that doesn't seem great - I think we would have to move into the lounge then!

We moved to Canada almost 4 years ago and the kids left behind friends. A year later my son moved school again (luckily with a few of his new friends) to join the french immersion program at another school and my oldest daughter followed a year later. My youngest daughter just started kindergarten and loves it. I can't justify another school move for the sake of another bedroom. My kids spend most of their time in our open plan lounge/dining room/kitchen anyway. It's not always as simple of just moving

Could you swap bunk beds and the wardrobe for 2 single high-sleeper beds with wardrobe /desk beneath? You could then use curtains for privacy.

It appears you have no alternatives available so I would stop worrying. As others have said most the world shares a room at best with no problems. Any anxiety you are passing on over it will cause more problems than the actual sharing.

We have 4 girls and 1boy. The eldest is a 10 year old girl and I think now it would be awkward to share with her brother but only for the last maybe 6-12 months, before that it would be fine.

We have 5 bedrooms, 2 with two girls in one for the boy , main and then. Junk room .

I would look into either splitting the room somehow or converting another room

Inertia - not really, as two separate beds would in effect mean the door would be blocked.

We're certainly not passing any anxiety over to the children but at the same time, I can't pretend I'm not anxious, I'm afraid. Living in cramped conditions - which unfortunately we are - is pretty stressful. It was absolutely fine when they were pre-schoolers but all too fast the years have flown by and now I have two school-aged children.

Ah ok.

If nothing can be done to change things, then that's the way it is. Your view is clearly that the situation isn't ideal, but you are where you are and there's nothing inherently wrong with a girl and a boy sharing a bedroom.

How high is the ceiling? Would some kind of mezzanine sleeping platform arrangement work?

My parents dealt with this by splitting the two rooms (parents and children rooms). I was allowed to use my parents room for a few hours in the evening to have some alone time and space and for changing and my brother used the children's room. The only time we shared was for sleeping.

What happens if you are not in social housing and not able to claim housing benefits but still private rent and have kids of opposite sexes? Do you just have to make do then? Surely if the council thinks it is wrong for kids to share at a certain age if they are opposite genders then help should be given to all families, not just ones in social housing or on benefits as there are a lot of people who are not entitled to housing benefit but are in this situation too. Seems a bit unfair on those kids.

You sound like DH, sadandbad :)

Many's the time we have lamented the unfairness of it - but it is what it is!

What exactly is 'wrong' about it sadandbad ?? I presume that the council and HA's have drawn a line because they have to allocate housing and need guidelines to do so. We all know it's not ideal, but there's nothing inherently wrong With it!

Would it be an option to each get the high beds with storage incorporated a that frees up the storage space used and then a curtain to divide? I see no problem with sharing but it gives them the choice of privacy if they ask for it?

something like this each?

I don't think there's an age- its more a personality thing. Some siblings love sharing, some hate it- regardless of gender.

The main issue I see is having somewhere quiet to do homework, so if you can find a spot for a small desk when they need it I don't see an issue.

Can you rent out your flat and rent something larger if it's a massive problem?

I have a niece and 2 nephews who have always shared a room. They are now 19 (girl), 17 (boy) and 6 (boy)! They live in London though in a miniscule 2 bed owned flat. Absolutely no scope for BIL & SIL to move unless they leave central London which they won't . Flat is worth the same as a 5 bed house in our area (an hour outside London). I have always felt sorry for my niece I must say and I know she is resentful of this.

We still have 4 year old DS3 in our room with us due to not being able to afford a 4 bed since I have stayed at home since having DS3. He has a shorty bed which fits nicely in a corner. Our sex life has been seriously curtailed though and is limited to DH's days off in the week when all the DCs are at school (he works 4 days on 3 days off) which suits us anyway as teenage DD won't go to bloody bed/sleep in the evening until very late and her room is right next to ours.

We have DD in her own room and DS1 & 2 in the other large double. I could not countenance DS3 going in with the older boys even though there is room in their room due to the noise they create and DS3 still waking up in the night. Not only that but they would not be able to have the light on to read play xbox etc.

DS3 has nearly outgrown his small bed though so I am desperately trying to find a job so we can move somewhere bigger within the next few months. We also cannot leave the area very expensive for the crap town it is due to them being settled at school and DH's work.

No, as unfortunately two beds would block the door and mean there was no space for playing or related paraphernalia!

It's lovely of people to try and help but I have tried and thought of every which way to divide the room, and can't. In any case, it's the actual sharing I'm a bit upset about, as now they are both at school. I know it won't be long until pre-teen dramas kick in with DD - sleepovers and the like - and I just want her to be like her friends.

Anyway, many are worse off than us I suppose!