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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect MIL to get my dd's name right?

85 replies

supersop60 · 30/12/2014 00:52

My dd is 14. FOURTEEN. And yet MIL insists on getting her name wrong. For clarity, and I don't think I will out myself, her name is Joanna, and Mil calls her Joanne. My DP said 'come on mum, get her name right' and she replied 'oh, she knows what I mean'
WIBU to call MIL by another name to see how she likes it?

OP posts:
Aridane · 30/12/2014 09:06

I have a problem with some names - and frequently muddle Diane / Diana. Always apologise when corrected or when I realise my mistake - and never my intention to offend

cricketpitch · 30/12/2014 09:23

People get my DS's name wrong in much the same way - they add a syllable. Mine is frequently misspelt and mispronounced but TBH it doesn't bother me. People don't do it on purpose and some are not very good with names.

Add to that the fact that so many people have their own pet names/nicknames for others for whatever reason and a name becomes much more fluid.

OK we all have the right to insist that we are called by a name we choose - and if it upsets you then you need to challenge it - but what I am saying is it isn't intentionally rude - very often it's just the way language works.

Myfourblondies · 30/12/2014 09:25

Same problem with my Isabella, Fil insists in writing Isobel in cards and on gift tags. So annoying!

helzapoppin2 · 30/12/2014 09:28

Veronica is near enough, but completely wrong for a Valerie!

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 30/12/2014 09:30

Tigger - I have a friend who is married to a man with a surname and a first name that could be interchangeable. I frequently get them the wrong way round and have to check when I'm calling her "Mrs. X", that I've got his the surname and not his first name in error!

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 30/12/2014 09:31

Sorry, random extra "the" in the last sentence there! Blush

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 30/12/2014 09:35

I had a colleague who had to stick a bit extra onto everyone's names.

Diane became Diana. Rhianne became Rihannon. And so forth.

Weirdly both her children had simple, one syllable names. No extra bits.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 30/12/2014 09:39

My grandfather used to call me a certain name, it used to wind me up.
Since he has died I really miss it.

Does dd mind.

Mrsstarlord · 30/12/2014 09:41

My son is called James (well something very similar) my cousin has called him Connor for 10 years. We correct him, write the correct names in cards but no change!

emilywrites · 30/12/2014 09:43

Yes, your dd's grandma should be able to say her name.

That said, I inwardly seethe every time someone calls me "Em". I think it is so rude to shorten/change someone's name without asking, but I don't know how to tell them this without sounding petty and snappish. ("Em"=M, which is a letter. A LETTER. It reminds me of Marshall Mathers, who has two Ms).

SanityClause · 30/12/2014 09:43

Valeria is a name.

Mammanat222 · 30/12/2014 09:45

Blimey!

How rude. How does MIL address cards etc to her?

manchestermummy · 30/12/2014 09:48

YANBU. Most of DH's family spell dd1's name wrong. She's 7. She so far hasn't spotted this because I spirit the cards away.

People at work have started to spell my name wrong. We have a new big boss who has a similar name to me (think Ann/Anne) only in this case the way she spells it is sometimes pronounced differently. I really feel that the logic is if the big boss spells it one way then she is right. Not me. I have only been there 6.5 years: I surely don't think they would know it by now!

LindyHemming · 30/12/2014 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkyBoldRibena · 30/12/2014 09:55

Could you all just ignore her when she says the wrong name, and say 'Who do you mean, is it one of your friend's granddaughters you are talking about?'

insancerre · 30/12/2014 09:57

My mil managed to spell my name wrong in our Christmas card despite being married to her son for 27 years
I put it down to old age. I am quite worried that she also managed to spell her own sons name wrong too. She obviously couldn't remember her own grandchildren names as she just put "and family" instead

AuditAngel · 30/12/2014 09:59

My name can be pronounced in 2 ways in the UK, and differently again in Europe. The middle syllable in my name is an "eye" sound, the other UK version has an "ay" sound. Unfortunately both ways are spelt the same. My version is the more unusual. I fully understand that people won't know how to pronounce it from seeing it written down, but I do expect people that I have worked with, some for 19 years to know which I am.

To make it worse, my MIL is Italian and my name is pronounced differently, splitting the middle syllable into 2, sounding "eye-ell" this really winds me up. I have shortened my name (to avoid these problems) since starting secondary school 33 years ago. Unfortunately, one of my BIL's shortens his name the same as I do. My MIL thought I shoud change it (at the age of 31) so it wasn't the same.

Tough.

She has finally given up and now shortens my name how I want it. ????

Kim82 · 30/12/2014 10:01

It amuses me when people of the older generation consistently get names wrong. My auntie always calls my niece Sophie - her name is Olivia! She also calls my youngest a completely different name but it's that different I can't remember what it is she calls her. It's safe to say it's nothing like her actual name though. It's a running joke in our family.

LotsaDots · 30/12/2014 10:10

It's infuriating, she needs reminding every time and she will soon give up, why do people do it even when they have seen the name written down in birthday cards etc. we have an Amelie she gets, Amelia, amaleigh, amalee, A-Mellie and Emily. Drives me crazy. When I was pregnant and we had the name in mind I never thought people wouldn't be able to cope with it.

CalleighDoodle · 30/12/2014 10:22

MiL mispronounced my dd's name for the first 2 years. It was an unusu name but is now getting popular. It is french and the last letter is é as in café but MiL, despite being fluent in French, always said the e as in cup of tea.

CalleighDoodle · 30/12/2014 10:24

My brother insists on shortening my ds's name to a zach. Ds's name is NOT zachary or similar. He is being a douche. I have my ds (aged 2) sing 'thats not my name, thats not my name' everytime he does it.

2015 · 30/12/2014 10:29

It's irritating but it doesn't matter. Does your DD mind? It might be one if those things she finds funny rather than insulting.

Btw I LOVE the name Joanna

TheHorseHasBolted · 30/12/2014 10:46

She's called Valerie? Hmm, I think you could easily misremember that as Laverie, Lav for short...

Original poster
supersop60 · 30/12/2014 10:56

My DD just rolls her eyes, and I wish she would say something! It suggests a lack of engagement when someone gets a name persistently and deliberately wrong, I feel. However, it's spelled correctly on birthday cards etc. Ah well - I'm looking forward to using Mallory, Valerian etc!

OP posts:
Weathergames · 30/12/2014 11:01

I have an Imogen and ex PIL always insists on calling her Imogene.

Luckily I no longer have to see him and DD thinks it's funny.

??