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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I waited to have kids.

78 replies

notnow2 · 29/12/2014 22:00

I had my first dc when I was 27 because it was what I really wanted. I have 3 now - they are 3,5,7. I am 35 and now a lot of my friends are having babies and I feel broody and a little jealous. I enjoyed my babies but it was hard work and I feel that it went by in a blur. I feel that the best part of my life is over andcibsjould have waited to experience it.

OP posts:
Original poster
notnow2 · 29/12/2014 22:01

I should

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 29/12/2014 22:01

Have another?

SaucyJack · 29/12/2014 22:03

Yeah, YABU.

It goes by in a blur regardless of what age you have them. Waiting doesn't make any difference.

AlpacaMyBags · 29/12/2014 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Galvanized · 29/12/2014 22:04

But your friends are now going through that "blur" stage. You can offer your help and expertise, and you get to go home at the end of it! The baby stage is exhausting, your kids are lovely ages now.

SomethingOnceInRoyalDavidsCity · 29/12/2014 22:04

I enjoyed my babies but it was hard work and I feel that it went by in a blur.

I think that's the case whenever one has children.

That said, I wish I'd started younger!

My mother would tell you to look forward to GC Smile

notonyourninny · 29/12/2014 22:05

You might have felt like that anyway? Do you want a fourth?

WooWooOwl · 29/12/2014 22:06

It would have been hard work whatever age you had had them at.

It's natural to feel a bit sad when you have had your last baby and you know you won't have a newborn again, but the best part of your life is not over! Not unless you chose for it to be anyway.

Your children are still young enough to give you plenty more years of pleasure, and although it's not the same as having very little ones, it is just as good.

stillenacht1 · 29/12/2014 22:06

I know what you mean- i had mine at 26 and 30. My eldest is 15 the eldest cousin he has (there are 7 cousins) is 5... Both of my DSis and SIL started mid 30s. I remember feeling quite lonely esp after DS1 as none of my friends were having babies around then. However I dont want any more!!Smile

notonyourninny · 29/12/2014 22:07

Btw I had the first at 23 and last at 34. I

Original poster
notnow2 · 29/12/2014 22:07

Sadly DH is against any more Hmm

OP posts:
SomethingOnceInRoyalDavidsCity · 29/12/2014 22:07

Stay in for NYE and make your own entertainment. See what happens Wink

Fabulous46 · 29/12/2014 22:07

I was 17 when I had my first and by age 23 I had 4. No matter what age I'd been I think the years would have whizzed past.

Iggly · 29/12/2014 22:08

You mean you wanted them when your friemds had them?

SomethingOnceInRoyalDavidsCity · 29/12/2014 22:09

That was a cross-post - I'm not suggesting you make a unilateral decision!

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 29/12/2014 22:09

yes much older than you and its all a blur.

Original poster
notnow2 · 29/12/2014 22:10

I suppose I just want that time again.

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 29/12/2014 22:11

I had my first at 24 and feel a bit left out now all my friends are having theirs in their 30's and I'm past that stage. Feel very lucky though when friends are stressing about sleepless nights/weaning/trying to hold a conversation with baby in tow, while my 2 who are now older are happily amusing themselves, feeding themselves and going off to the toilet when they need it! Pros and cons

notonyourninny · 29/12/2014 22:12

Perhaps 2015 is the year to re-open talks with dh

BackforGood · 29/12/2014 22:12

What saucyjack said. Its nothing to do with your age, its to do with the dcs' stage.

LuckyCharms · 29/12/2014 22:15

I'm 39 and have a baby and I'm fucking knackered. Blur doesn't even come close!

Plus when yours go off to uni or whatever, you'll still be young enough to enjoy your freedom. Your friends will be nearly pensioners before they're free Grin

MaryWestmacott · 29/12/2014 22:15

I think it's hard to do something 'out of step' with the rest of your friends, if you have DCs early or late compared to your friends, then you're more likely to feel like you've missed out not doing it with everyone else and sharing that with friends you've gone through other big life changing events with.

It's rather sad you think the best bit is over. They still need you so much now. They are so much more interesting. You can start to get yourself back just as your friends are emerged in 'baby world'.

lotsofcheese · 29/12/2014 22:18

I'm 42.5 & had my DC at 36 & 41. My contemporaries, who mostly had their kids 10-15 years ago, have all got their lives back, while I'm up to my eyes in nappies & snot.

However, I was travelling the world & having a ball in my early 30's while they were starting their families.

It's all horses for courses.

Worksallhours · 29/12/2014 22:21

Don't feel despondent, op. The grass is not always greener.

I "waited" to have children. It wasn't exactly intentional, more driven by life circumstances over those years, but I have just lost my first child to pregnancy complications and I am 38.

I now wish desperately that I hadn't waited to start a family. I don't have many years left to have a successful pregnancy.

You never know what might have happened if you had waited. You cannot assume that your three dcs would have turned up the same, just seven years later.

Don't berate yourself.

manchestermummy · 29/12/2014 22:23

I'm the same age as you op and it seems that those who didn't have children before the age of 30 are having them now. I know how you feel. We would love another (we have two) but we simply cannot afford one so that is it for now (though never say never).

I like the idea of my children celebrating my 40th birthday (at some point ha ha) with me: my dad was 50 when I was born.