Jealous of DS's perfect GF (Will I be a toxic MIL?)

[Yestotallyunreasonable]

(Name change).
OK OK OK. I know IABU. I just need people to straight-talk a bit of sense into me.

We are a fairly average family, averagely happy, averagely paid, averagely sized, averagely eccentric etc. DS (18) is not average - to me at least. He is very clever, witty, great company and a lovely person that I am immensley proud of. He is going out with his first serious girlfriend. GF is very bright, gorgeous, polite, friendly and talented. All fine and lovely.

So here's the unreasonable bit. GF and her family are just too bloody perfect. Perfect GF's parents are both extremely successful (well-known, top of their respective fields - yes I've been googling them ). The family is mega wealthy (think mansion with grounds) and all the siblings (there are several) are also fantastically good looking, highly successful in a range of high-powered professions and according to ds, all great company, hilarious and interesting. To cap it all, perfect dad is also a successful member of a hobby group that ds is obsessed by.

Since October ds has spent all his spare time with perfect GF's family and I feel like he has almost dropped our family and been adopted by hers. He's included in their family get-togethers and is FB friends with them all. We, on the other hand, have met GF a sum total of twice for no more than 3 minutes each time (enough to say hello and smile and for ds to then pull her out of the room in case we embarrass him by talking to her). We have suggested to ds lots of times that he invite her to ours or she joins us on a family outing or whatever, but ds is very uncomfortable with the idea and it's never convenient.

Am I BU to be a tiny bit jealous of perfect gf's perfect family and perfect life? Is it U to feel a tiny bit sad that clearly her family can offer ds so much more than we can? Am I being a future MIL from hell to wish that DS wanted to spend some of his time with his perfect gf here in our family home instead of all their time at hers?

Yes. I know I am. Now give it to me straight.

I was like this with my first bf. Practically moved out of home. Didn't once think of how my mum must have felt. The novelty wore off, I grew up and now see my mum most days.

Mamma Do you mean your dd gave the game away on fb? You put dsil. Or someone else?

I am with you. My Dil's family are perfect in every way. Good looking, perfect teeth, photogenic etc. I call them the Middletons and Dh and I are a very dowdy Charles and Camilla. They call Ds a version of his first name I have never used and have swallowed him whole. I live for the day when Ds runs off with Dil's brother. It will happen.

You aren't being totally U about this but if it were me, I would tell him it's a bit hurtful. I am a bit gobby and my DCs know how I feel, I don;t go round pretending it is all OK when it isn't.

I would be saying to my DS... look, fine you go there and have fun with GF's family, but are you ashamed of us or something?! I find it very hurtful that you can;t bear to bring her round here, do we need to decorate or what?! (tongue in cheek but making my point)

Also it's not fair on your younger DS who may well idolise his brother and might like to be involved in seeing him with his GF in his home. My younger DC loves eyeing up the latest beau in DD1's life!

I have a friend who simmers resentment about stuff like this but she never actually tells her DCs what she's thinking or feeling and it's all a bit of a guessing game.

Just tell him, then leave it like that and see if he takes it on board.

p.s. your home sounds wonderful and welcoming.

Bringing a partner home to your family for the first time is a big thing (or it was for me) - it could easily, easily be that she's just a touch more mature and didn't have a problem introducing him, and now it's got comfortable.

I bet she's as eager to meet you as you are to meet her properly.

Your home sounds very much like my MIL's - even down to the students, and I find MIL's home so welcoming that we even happily lived there for a year with our first son!

Persuade him to meet up - a family event or something, get the ball rolling over that first hump :)

Oh, and I absolutely would have googled them too!

Well, you say he's shy about being a host and always has been. That'll be a huge part of this.

Plus, and don't underestimate this, wealth/success/privilege is hugely seductive and turns heads of all ages. He'll be helpless in the face of it (for the timebeing let's hope). It has nothing to do with you, all to do with him - not her, though it feels like it. I don't blame you for feeling jealous. Of course you're going to FB them, duh.

Plus there are lots of them, which is also very attractive. I fear I'm rubbing salt in the wound here, sorry. My kids did this shit, seduced by wealth, privilege and big successful families elsewhere, and are still doing it

and I'm not on fb anyway. It rubs salt in the wound to see it all and skews your confidence. So don;'t look.

Hmm, I'm feeling a bit guilty now, about a boyfriend DD1 had when she was 17 who was here so often, I used to joke about asking his Mum for his child benefit and cook his favourites for tea. He was a bit of a substitute DS1 for us all to be honest, when DS1 went off to Uni. But we were all a bit sad when that broke up, so remain a bit more detached now.

On a more prosaic note, we have no problem with serious partners sleeping over with our older teens. Lots of families do. Sometimes that is a factor in where they spend their time.

Haven't read all the posts, but when dh and I were dating , he spent a lot of time with my family , not because I prevented him from visiting his own family ; he just preferred mine.
My mother was welcoming , fussed over him etc.
his mother was/is a difficult woman.
Op, the problem could be you.