To be a bit sick of dp's sensitivity when it comes to his kids?

[BlanketBan]

The topic of dp's kids is a dangerous minefield that I could well explode myself in with the most innocent of comments. I'm finding it so tiring, it's like he waits for an excuse to jump to his kids defence whether they need it or not.

Some examples ...

Me "what's that thing you've bought on ebay for?"
Him "it's for my DS! Oh sorry I forgot I needed permission to spend anything on my lads!!"
Me "err no, I just wondered because we normally tell each other about stuff we've bought"
Him "oh Jesus! What a bastard I am!! I never realised you were with such a twat!!" [ok let's drop it eh!]

"That unused tv that is sat in dss's room (MY old tv! that nobody is currently using!) I'm going to swap it with ds's little tv so he has a bigger tv for his new xbox"
Him "oh for fucks sake!! Why does everything involve poaching off my kids??"
Me " it doesn't, it's not their tv, it has simply being put in their room and is unused, doesn't even have a plug in there!"
Him "non you can't just keep taking off my kids! I won't allow it! It's not fair!"
Me "it's an unused TV!!! It was never theirs to begin with and they don't want it anyway! Don't be ridiculous"
Him "no it's just shitting on my kids yet again!"

Him "we need candles"
Me "what for?" (Bearing in mind this was Boxing Day band we have a few christmas candles around, I assumed he meant yo replace one of these
Him "oh my god!!! What for!!?? Errr my sons birthday!!! Jesus, what for indeed!"
Me "you're going to sit and make a 19 year old man blow out candles? I assumed to meant christmas candles!"
Him "oh my poor lads! No wonder I need to protect them all the time, someone has to! What candles for fucks sake, only the poor lads birthday!"

Is it me?? It's fucking exhausting.

[moresnow]

Is he also festival Dad, boxroom Dad etc? If so, the answer is still LTB, same as always.

[BarbarianMum]

I still have candles on my birthday cake and I'm 43. Even if that's not how you do things, you must be aware that it is commonly done so YWBU about that comment. Equally your h was being unreasonable to assume you could read his mind.

The TV could be read both ways - why is there no plug so your ss can use it? Bit odd to say he's not bothered about it if it can't actually be used.

But really what comes across from your OP is that your relationship has broken down . And if you are the person who's been posting about rooms etc then you know this.

[LittleDonkeyLeftie]

I also wondered if this is box room wankbadger dad.

It doesn't sound like you are making each other happy. Are you not ready to cut your losses?

[GilbertBlytheWouldGiftIt]

Of course it's festival/obsessed with workmates/wanker dad. Op will be back in a few days with another nn and a familiar tale of woe.

[basgetti]

You post about this prize every week and nothing ever changes, he is still a twat. Didn't his first wife divorce him for being abusive? Why are you continuing to subject your kids to such a crappy situation?

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

It does sound like hard work. I'll grant you that, but they're his kids old as they are they come first, and that's the end of it.

[shovetheholly]

This is hugely passive-aggressive behaviour from your partner, OP. It also sounds like an exertion of power: by painting you as the wicked stepmother, he is able to 'win' in every situation by occupying the moral highground. And he is using that as an excuse to speak to you in a condescending and bad-tempered way that is simply not acceptable.

I had an ex-partner who was a bit like this. Every little thing I said was taken the wrong way and he would fly off in a huff. I spent ages trying to come up with the most diplomatic, neutral way of saying things and he would still manage to take offense because it meant that he got his way. When I left him it was the most enormous relief not to have to deal with it any more.

[Tinkerball]

Of course there's nothing wrong with candles on an adults cake, sometimes I can't believe what I read here that people think is wrong or creepy etc.

[shovetheholly]

If you look at the OP's account of the conversation, here's what happens:

OP's partner makes a gnomic comment about needing candles.
OP doesn't understand, asks for clarification.
OP's partner flies off the handle and is really rude to her. (NOTE: this is BEFORE anything is mentioned about the age-appropriacy of candles)
OP is upset and retaliates by asking whether a grown man needs candles.
OP's partner is rude again.

The rudeness is instigated by the OP's partner BEFORE anything is mentioned about these even being birthday candles. And that is not acceptable.

[Runnyhunny]

Step parenting is not a 'natural' phenomenon, ie animals don't do it. Stepparents and stepkids just don't have the unconditional love to carry them through. And before anyone says 'why get involved with someone with kids?' you cannot possibly foresee the problems you will have, just as a new parent bringing a child into the world. I could not possibly feel for dh's kids as I do for my own. How could I? Luckily they have a mother who does, and I just try to be a kind, positive person in their lives. But it's so, SO hard not to let stupid little problems (like the op's) grow arms & legs.

[Viviennemary]

It just sounds as if you just aren't getting on. He sounds ready to argue over anything. But if there is a backstory then possibly that could be a reason for all this.

[LovleyRitaMeterMaid]

What was the festival threads?

[gotthemoononastick]

Where is Anyfucker to advise?

My first ever LTB!!!

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

Pick read it the same as shoveholly.
This thread has shown that some people don't do candles after a certain age and some people do. OP only asked for clarification about why he wanted candles and then he gave a rude response and she have a sarcastic response in retaliation. If he was so bloody bothered about candles he could have gone and found some himself. If he is so precious about his kids and thinks that OP hates them and is nasty to them then he should leave so that his kids don't have to be in what he perceives to be an environment where people are negative towards them. Staying in the relationship and being rude and wankerish anytime OP questions anything loosely related to his kids is just pathetic.
OP: just kick him out and then he can no longer accuse you of being negative towards his children.

[newyearsresolutionsnotforme]

If this is a reoccuring issue and you are always posting then the only part of the problem you are is the part that won't accept this cycle and step out of it. YANU to feel he's out of order or useless, YABVU to yourself to stay with him. If you have posted a lot then make it 2015 resolution to read all your posted threads about him in one sitting and think about if you really want to stay with someone who upsets you this much.

[mynewpassion]

Please leave for the sakes of all the children.

[Star8369]

haven't you posted about him before?

[SilenceOfTheSAHMs]

I'm exhausted just reading the OP....

Is this the bloke who was/is obsessed with one of (or a few of) his workmates/employees? Going to ridiculous lengths to impress them?

I fear it is. Here we are again OP. Please break this insane carousel of silliness and LTB.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Star8369 yes she has and she still posts about this cunt of a twat. If it's real imagjne what her kids go through with this arse.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

He's nothing but a knobhead. Celebrate NYE by getting rid of him, and enjoy a peaceful New Year.

Alternatively, stay, keep making each other miserable and enjoy the drama. Some people like having someone to snipe at and moan about. Maybe you are one of them. Just don't think he'll suddenly (or even gradually) change. At some point he decided it was you v his kids, and you already know who won. Why bother hanging around?

[Anacoreta]

"Some people like having someone to snipe at and moan about. Maybe you are one of them."

I believe there are not people who like having someone to snipe and moan about, just people stuck in long dead relationships, who have reached the end of their tolerance threshold, but who have not yet managed to find a way to escape from a relationship that makes them feel utterly miserable.

[mix56]

LTB