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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad that so many women are in abusive relationships :(

90 replies

NameChange30 · 27/12/2014 23:29

Since getting into MN the threads that have really stuck with me are the ones by women in abusive relationships. It's great that MN is somewhere they can get advice and support. But it's also sad and makes me think about them and all the other women who must be in similar situations and aren't on MN.
On the upside it has prompted me to start a monthly donation to both Women's Aid and Refuge.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 28/12/2014 17:41

Thanks for your kind words, btw, skil

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 28/12/2014 17:43

Thanks, skild you're right. We're incompatible, he doesn't make me happy at all and that's enough without all the anger.

skildpadden · 28/12/2014 17:43

good article emma

skildpadden · 28/12/2014 17:48

Just seen your update blackhearts. Can you walk in to a police statino and tell them you can not go back to your home. Tell the police you have to go to to a refuge until he has been removed from the house.

Lweji · 28/12/2014 17:55

It makes me angry, TBH, when people (even previously abused women) post telling other women not to tell abused women to leave the bastard because they don't want to. What other possible advice can there be?
If people post here about their abusive OH's surely they want advice. The best possible advice. They may not be ready to hear it, or even to follow it, but if they are never told TLB, will they ever feel that they can?

I hope some good can come out of the situation blackhearts.

Original poster

NameChange30 · 28/12/2014 17:57

blackheartsgirl I'm a bit confused - who attacked who? From your update it seems that your son attacked your partner (his father)?
Hope you're all ok and, most importantly, safe.
Please do call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run by Women's Aid and Refuge).

OP posts:

blackheartsgirl · 28/12/2014 18:13

Yes Ds attacked dp his stepfather. Ds has aspergers which dp knows. Ds had a meltdown where he was aggressive towards me and instead of leaving it and walking away dp escalated it and pushed D's quite hard as D's went up into DPS face screaming. Ds reacted by pushing dp on the coffee table.

I am OK. My family have major major problems and its a huge fuckin mess

AnyFucker · 28/12/2014 18:37

yes, lweji, I really hate it too when people get it in the neck for not telling women they should stay for more abuse and try harder at the relationship

Original poster

NameChange30 · 28/12/2014 18:42

Thanks for the update blackheartsgirl. I don't know much about Aspergers but I do think that your DP was very wrong to push your DS. And it's not surprising that he retaliated. It must be challenging enough to look after a son with additional needs without adding an abusive partner into the mix. Please do call the helpline and get advice about getting this man out of your life.

OP posts:

skildpadden · 28/12/2014 18:46

Sounds a nightmare for your blackheartsgirl. To say you must be walking on several layers of eggshells would be an understatement. when you are only dealing with your son, things will be easier.

You can be your own family you and your son. Family isn't just people. It's home, peace, safety, not fearing the sound of the key in the door.

blackheartsgirl · 28/12/2014 19:09

I know. Dp is back with 9 stitches. Ds is ok at his dads. Ds is aggressive too but his episodes are fewer between but christmas has just sent him over the edge.

I need to get my blood pressure under control. If my health is poor I can't help my children or myself in this situation.

I will make plans in the new year. I've made a start by saving a little bit of money each week and I will be finding a job.

blackheartsgirl · 28/12/2014 19:10

I have 3 other DC too and my dps daughters are also here. Lovely girls.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 28/12/2014 20:03

That sounds so stressful blackheartsgirl.

I walked 14 years ago with nothing but the clothes on my back but life has only got better since. I didn't have children though and I had family support, when I eventually stopped protecting him and reached out for it.

It's so hard, I hope 2015 is the year you break free.

BertieBotts · 28/12/2014 21:40

hope they don't feel sometimes that they're giving out advice in vain because the threads just sink and we don't knwo what happened in the end. but it's real life not a story line.

God, no. I don't. I hate the way that some posters will come back and go "Please update OP we're worried about you." I understand they might genuinely feel concern but really, it's not our place. I know advice/info helps even if it doesn't get acted on immediately because that's exactly what happened to me. And you can't push somebody to leave before they are ready, it's just not a thing that you can do. It's a really hard thing to do and it doesn't make sense to rush into it when you're not sure, you'll just end up going back.

blackhearts I hope you find strength in the new year. I suspect you will find, BTW, that your blood pressure sails down after leaving such a stressful situation.

Lweji · 28/12/2014 21:53

I have said it here before, leaving can feel like climbing a wall to get to a lovely garden. The climb is hard, but rewarding on the other side. :)

FWIW, when I decided that I was really leaving exH, I took off with DS and my handbag. I was prepared to start it all with nothing. Thankfully it didn't turn out that bad, but it would have been worth it.

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