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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a crutchless bodystocking is an awful present?!

111 replies

Mumfortoddler · 27/12/2014 12:03

I happened to peek over my boyfriends shoulder when he was ordering my christmas present, to my horror he has bought me a crutchless bodystocking. What is a reasonable reaction to have?
a) Fane affection for the said present
b) Express deep horror of being equipped with porn star style under garments erm, I am a size 12 and will look so hideous and unsexy in said underwear, and besides this is not my 'thang'.
c) Quickly shoe him out of the house before his child goes to bed, in the hope that I will delay the said present that is cringeworthy to another day, feigning prior evening engagements.
d) ANY other ideas? HELP!!!!! I have six hours to come up with a diplomatic solution.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 27/12/2014 18:20

You could try 'Just what I need. These are great for getting air to your fanjo when you've got thrush'.

RedRoom · 27/12/2014 18:41

A crutch is something you use to support a broken leg. Quite different to a crotch. Don't cinfuse them in A&E, will you?

Dowser · 27/12/2014 19:34

Had to google this as I'd never heard of such a beast.

Is it this one

Once you've slipped into this figure-hugging bodystocking you'll discover the pleasures of an open bust and a crotchless secret. Accentuate your curves and show-off your feminine shape with this seductive and sexy lingerie.

Be highly flattered! I would

Dowser · 27/12/2014 19:37

Be relieved you didn't get these

Framing your gluteus maximus with alluring straps and pretty bows, this open-back brief is an invite to squeeze and spank your tush. Enjoy a designer look for a fraction of the price when you wear these luxurious satin-feel mesh knickers.

ithoughtofitfirst · 27/12/2014 19:42

Okaaaaay

Marylou2 · 27/12/2014 19:52

Do they make thermal ones? Great for weeing without getting chilly on a hike perhaps?Grin

Sandthorn · 27/12/2014 20:02

Send it in as a prize for his work charity raffle!

CheeseBuster · 27/12/2014 20:43

Eww... They are so nasty. Sexy undies from AP= great. Something out of 80s porn= not so much.

I would be really insulted!

FreudiansSlipper · 27/12/2014 20:47

yuk

agree cheap and tacky not everyone wants to act like a porn star

and I am not sure that you lack confidence to know that it would not look good on you, I doubt it would look good on many women

inflagrantedelicto · 27/12/2014 20:47

Thermal ones Grin

Actually a thermal one would be fab at work (crap heating) or when hiking ??

LividofLondon · 27/12/2014 20:55

I'm really not a fan of receiving lingerie from men; after all it's for them really isn't it and I prefer presents that are purely for me. The only way I could see the fun in a gift like this is to make him wear it. I can just imagine how amusing he would look with his undercarriage hanging out the missing crotch Grin Then to make it even better, getting the receipt and exchanging it for something I actually don't think is horribly tackyHmm

TheRtHonGeorgianaGobshite · 27/12/2014 20:57

Jesus (and I'm not blaspheming, I'm praying). You're only young once.Go for it

Can I tell you what I know now (the very wrong side of 50).

I was stunning. But I didn't know it at the time. I had a knockout body and was too shy and reserved to appreciate it.

Bulbasaur · 27/12/2014 21:07

Xmas Grin!! That's funny!

I'd just laugh and go "WTF?! Srsly?" or "Aww.. how did you know men in crotchless bodystockings were my thing?!" insists he try it on. Refuse to take gift seriously.

Really sex things need to be bought together so you're both on the same page. It's not really a gift to him to get him sexy lingerie for yourself, and it's not really a gift to you if he gives them to you. Sex should be a mutual agreement that you're both on board with, not a "gift" to each other. In my very humble opinion that is.

Just don't pretend you like it to spare his feelings. Really it's a booty call with a bow on it, you're more than welcome to set him straight on what you expect or like (and don't!) in the bedroom.

Pixel · 27/12/2014 22:28

Did you see what size he ordered? Maybe he parades around in such garments when you are out of the house.

Sorry about that, but now you will actually feel relieved when he gives it to you Grin.

MistressDeeCee · 27/12/2014 23:01

Id just laugh

At least he wants sexy fun with you. Not sure Id want to wear it! But I wouldnt over-read anything into it, men & their "visual side" = a very strange thing at times...

ElizabethHoover · 27/12/2014 23:04

dowsers reference is to 'spanking knickers'

Sometimes i am just tired of life.

ElizabethHoover · 27/12/2014 23:04

you would say ' SRSLY' HOW?

AWholeLottaNosy · 27/12/2014 23:08

Get him a Borat style Mankini in return...

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/12/2014 23:13

Open, be delighted, hand it back and say "Go put it on then."

inchoccyheaven · 27/12/2014 23:14

I don't see it as a big deal but then I did buy my gf a leave very little to imagine dress for xmas as something fun. I also have various outfits that she likes too. Its not serious just spices things up sometimes. And I am size 16 so no stick thin gorgeous woman but gf makes me feel desired.

Blondiemama · 28/12/2014 04:02

Oh my! Can't wait to hear more OP...

Original poster
Mumfortoddler · 04/01/2015 22:20

hello I am back with an update

Ha ha the saga continues.

So, I opened the bodystocking, ordered that he wore it ( he took it well, bless him and said yes...Shock I asked if I could get photographic evidence of him wearing it. He refused. That would have been hilarious.

The body stocking looked like this www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20486 I am not sure that its appropriate to post the photo on here as I am sure it would break the site rules.

The plot thickens. He spent £70 on the website on an item but told me the one he got me cost him under £20 quid. So what else did he buy? Now the curiosity is killing me.

To boot, over Christmas he's suddenly started guarding his phone like the crown jewels, taking it for a pee with him and virtually sleeping with it, and keeps getting calls on it which he has been refusing to take in my company. When I ask him who they are its always 'some number I don't know' but he's had loads of them in the last week.

Hmmm the plot thickens. What would you do, AIBU to think he's having an affair?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumfortoddler · 04/01/2015 22:23

Oh and by the way, I told him I would use it for an onion bag Wink he said he would send it back. Hmm I asked if he was going to get me a pole for my birthday to go with the outfit. Think he got the idea.

OP posts:
ZammoMcGuire · 04/01/2015 22:26

how worrying

Bogeyface · 05/01/2015 13:09

Oh dear.......I have to say it doesnt look good, doesnt look good at all :(