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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to share a bed with my mother?

78 replies

msfreud · 27/12/2014 09:43

For context, I live in a different country from my mother and don't visit often. I'm 31 and she's 70. She's a widow.

Every time I visit her, she asks me to share a bed with her. I always say no. We were recently discussing the new flat she's moving into and she saidshe won't have a spare bed despite having a spare room. She said this was ok as I could share her bed when I visit. I said definitely not but she seems completely unable to see why I have an issue with sleeping in her bed with her.

I find it very intrusive when she asks me to and tbh quite disgusting. I don't know how she can not see any issue with it though.

OP posts:

underappreciated · 27/12/2014 10:49

YANBU

I don't even like to share a room, never mind a bed with anyone other than my DH.

I'd be inclined to book a hotel.

kissmasfairy · 27/12/2014 10:54

Makes me feel a bit ewwww too, especially given your second post. I also couldn't share a bed with my mum, so in my view YANBU. It's either something you're comfortable with or you're not, for whatever reason. I wouldn't be.

FelineLou · 27/12/2014 11:00

Just tell her if she wants you to visit again she needs a spare room bed. Dont go till you have seen it.
Or pjs to stop the nether region stuff or a sleepng onesie and a bolster between if this is her approach. i hate my young grandchildren in my bed. Perhaps lie and tell her you have scabies!

spinduchess · 27/12/2014 11:07

Its not disgusting, but I'd want my own bed too. You'll manage on the sofa, I'm sure.

Mrsstarlord · 27/12/2014 11:11

Love your usernname, very apt given the content of the thread!

woodhill · 27/12/2014 11:28

I wouldn't either especially if she insists on sleeping with no clothes on.

YANBU.

aprilanne · 27/12/2014 11:51

i take it you find it a bit creepy and lets be honest given she would be naked .you think there is some sexual element in it .you are right its gross .no chance would i be doing it under those circumstances .

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/12/2014 12:10

Well, I sleep nude too but I wouldn't if I was sharing a bed with a relative! I'm sure she wouldn't expect you both to be naked?

timetoplay · 27/12/2014 12:17

Sounds like she's trying to find an excuse to get you into bed OP! I wouldn't want to go near her given your history so she's very lucky that it's just sharing a bed you are protesting.

TidyDancer · 27/12/2014 12:18

Why is she being so persistent about this?! I share a bed with DP and that's it on the adult front. I would find it weird that another adult relative would make repeated requests to have me share a bed with them.

pinkdelight · 27/12/2014 12:19

I had to share a bed with my mum on holiday when the twin room was actually a double. By midnight her snoring had sent me doollally and I got another room on my credit card for the rest of the stay. We both slept 100% better, and that's without all the creepy subtext of your mum's request. No way would I share in that situation. If she was stubborn enough not to provide an air bed or alternative, I'd stay elsewhere.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 27/12/2014 12:42

It is a bit weird for her to tell you to sleep naked

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/12/2014 13:44

Edit to my post above - I meant I'm sure she wouldn't be planning on either of you sleeping naked if you shared a bed! If you feel that your mother is trying to seduce you, don't even stay in the house, get a hotel room.

Jewels234 · 27/12/2014 14:28

I would hate to share a bed with my mum...or most people for that matter. I would just be really uncomfortable.

YANBU.

livingonaprayer1986 · 27/12/2014 14:55

When I first read this I thought YABU as if I stay at mums in the morning me and my 3 year old get in bed with her and drink tea/ be lazy/ watch tv in bed while sharing with the dog lol. Mind you we are all clothed and at night I sleep in the spare room.

Having read your 2nd post YANBU to not want to share a bed with your mum, especially if she wants you to both sleep naked. This is wrong in my opinion and a bit strange?

Tell her you will sleep on the sofa or pay for a hotel while you visit.

bobbyjoe · 27/12/2014 15:04

I think she's probably got friends who are very close to their daughters, sharing all sorts of intimate things, comfortable enough to be naked in front of each other etc, and wants that with you. Unfortunately, not all mother/daughter relationships are like this, mine included. I think she wants a close mother/daughter friendship with you - one where you're best friends, tell each other everything. I think that type of relationship is mirrored in films and books etc and she wants it. I'd hate it. My MIL also tried it with me - stripping down to show me her varicose veins! I ran a mile. She didn't have daughters and I know wanted a "live in each others' pockets" type of relationship with a DD. Not for me.

SaucyJack · 27/12/2014 15:16

Definitely ew.

I believe emotional incest is the technical term.

meltedmonterayjack · 27/12/2014 15:46

YANBU. I shared a bed for one night with dd when we were visiting rellies. (I'm in my 50's she's in her 20's.) It was that or one of us on the floor. I wouldn't expect her to share my bed when she visited me. I'm in a 1 bed flat and have an aerobed. It can be kept in a cupboard in its bag when not needed. I don't sleep naked but even if I did, I wouldn't if I was sharing the bed with anyone other than my partner. I don't know anyone, even really close DMs and DD's who share the bed when they visit each other.

CocobearSqueeze · 27/12/2014 15:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/12/2014 20:33

have no problem sharing beds with friends, as well as dp

but would find weird to share with my mum, god rest her soul

but certainly wouldnt want to share a bed naked with anyone apart from dp

OTheHugeManatee · 27/12/2014 20:39

YANBU. Your mum sounds creepy as hell.

GingerbreadPudding · 27/12/2014 20:44

Yanbu. I would really hate to share s bed with anyone but my husband or any of our pets! I could probably top and tail with my sister. I remember watching 'golden girls' and they used to sometimes share and I thought that was weird.

Just get an air bed and tell her you snore/ lash out in your sleep / fart terribly or whatever it takes!

outtahell · 27/12/2014 20:57

YANBU, OP. My estranged mother used to insist on one of us kids sleeping in the middle of her and dad's bed, I think to avoid sex with my father. It was really creepy, but she would get bitchy and guilt you over it. I especially hated it when puberty struck and I'd be pressed between mother and father with my boobs squashed against them praying my pad wouldn't leak.

lightgreenglass · 27/12/2014 21:05

On reflection with your second post - YANBU.

Topseyt · 27/12/2014 21:13

Much as I love my mum, no way would I want to share a bed with her and I doubt she would want it either. I share with my hubby and that is it.

As for your mum being naked and potentially expecting you to be too - never in a million years. That's weird and creepy. I'd either want a spare bed in another room, or a hotel / b & b to stay in. Or, I would just not go.

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