Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this rude? saying to someone about their helpful sweet dh, the worm always turns

23 replies

magicpixie · 26/12/2014 22:02

not said to me

but to a family member, by another family member, when her dh jumped up to do something she asked him to do

everyone was joking shes got him well trained etc

then someone said, well the worm always turns, I guess meaning the down trodden eventually rebel, well I guess that was what was meant.

she replied well I make sure he's well looked after too, I do xyz for him

and it was a bit of an arse clenching moment
personally I thought it was quite rude to say

OP posts:
furcoatbigknickers · 26/12/2014 22:05

Very rude and green eyed.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 26/12/2014 22:08

The whole conversation is a bit cringey really. "Well trained"... like he's a puppy?

AgentZigzag · 26/12/2014 22:09

I suppose all of the remarks could be taken as a bit shitty/rude, isn't it up to the bloke as to whether he helps out or not?

Is he 'downtrodden' do you think?

OfficerVanHarkTheHeraldAngels · 26/12/2014 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saturnvista · 26/12/2014 22:17

Yes it's rude. But then so much of banter is. I wouldn't want my husband described in that way.

Original poster
magicpixie · 26/12/2014 22:17

I don't think he's down trodden, I just think he wants to make her happy

plus when its people you only see a few times a year, you don't really see what their relationship is like, like she says I'm sure she looks after him to make sure he is happy too

OP posts:
Evabeaversprotege · 26/12/2014 22:25

My mum said today "you're so fortunate, dh takes good care of you & dc, look how he keeps your glass topped up"

I said but I'm good to him too, we're a team, it works well.

She said "well, I wouldn't know, I never see what you do" Shock

Plus, he was only keeping the wine topped up to be in with a chance of a shag later nice Xmas Grin

Original poster
magicpixie · 26/12/2014 22:29

eva, what did you reply to her comeback?

I'm glad this family member if mind did stick up for herself a bit
might make the rude one think twice next time?or maybe that's expecting too much

OP posts:
Theboodythatrocked · 26/12/2014 22:36

Eva how bloody rude!

However generally sure it's banter at Christmas with added alcohol.

Have your answers ready and give back as good as you get.

Quangle · 26/12/2014 23:03

Only acceptable if it was an ironic Christmassy reference to the Two Ronnie's 'The Worm That Turned' series. Otherwise rude.

RedSoloCup · 26/12/2014 23:11

I think people are less likely to ever change tbh in my experience. A leopard never changed his spots........

Evabeaversprotege · 27/12/2014 00:09

Well. She has the onset of dementia so I just said nothing.

Mil smiled & said she & FIL work the same, he cooks, she eats - it broke the tension a bit.

Original poster
magicpixie · 27/12/2014 00:15

suppose that's a bit different then if she has dementia

OP posts:
SoMuchForSubtlety · 27/12/2014 00:23

"Well trained" to help out when asked, really? Would they say that if a woman helped out when asked?

Do the people hassling him think that women have some higher calling to clean and it's beneath a man to do it?

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 27/12/2014 00:29

It was extremely rude and I'd be more than peeved. I've had it the other way round when men tell my DH that's got me 'well trained' because I'm happy for him to do something their wives aren't. It makes us both Angry but we usually bitch laugh about how poor the other person's relationship must be behind their back and that cheers us up no end. Grin

BathshebaDarkstone · 27/12/2014 08:15

Yes I think that's rude. Xmas Sad

Sprink · 27/12/2014 08:41

She said "well, I wouldn't know, I never see what you do"

No, you don't. That's because I'm a ninja.

Nervo · 27/12/2014 08:49

I think the "well trained" comments are worse.

I often have to defend the amount dh does in this house - his fair share. Pisses me off.

LokiBear · 27/12/2014 09:04

I'm always surprised by the comments my colleagues make if dd is ill and DH takes the day off. We always alternate, and I am the main earner in a more senior position, but people are always shocked when dh takes the day off with his poorly child instead of me. I actually feel very lucky to be in a partnership with my husband. We have always been equal partners, and know no other way. However, when I speak to people who have grown up children it wasn't like that for them. It seems that they lived through a time when there were predefined roles for men and women. From my perspective, it must have been crap for both sexes.

gamerwidow · 27/12/2014 09:10

I hate this it's so sexist. Partners should want to help each other and share the load. It shows how much women are still expected to be servile when people express surprise at a man doing chores.

wobblyweebles · 27/12/2014 13:54

Me too nervo. I'm often told by my mum how lucky I am to have Dh.

Every time he hears her say it he shoots back with a comment about actually he's the lucky one.

Nervo · 27/12/2014 16:03

Wobblyweebles - my Mum is the one person who says I do too much. Grin You see, it was my Mum who brought me up to not be a martyr.

Fairyliz · 27/12/2014 16:22

Tbh I think we need a bit more context, as you said he jumped up when she asked him to do something. Eg If she asked for a drink when she was in the middle of breastfeed fine. If however she was just sitting their chatting and asked him to get her a drink I would say why not do it herself?
I have a friend a bit like this who asks her DH to do jobs in front of other people, it does come over a bit bossy and controlling

New posts on this thread. Refresh page