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Original poster

To be sick to death regarding the negativity to my pregnancy?

82 replies

SamiBE · 26/12/2014 20:58

Ok so I'm 28, happily married with 3 DC.
My ds1 is 11 , dd is 7 and my youngest ds will be 1 tomorrow. My 4th is due in 6 weeks.
All I here from people when they see im pregnant
Is how hard I'm going to find looking after 2 babies, or always being asked "how the hell will I cope" I was even told by a former colleague that" I'm a silly girl for getting pregnant again" Hmm

All these comments are really getting to me and making me feel down, I know it won't be the easiest of things but we will manage. I find that people just can't be happy for us and they have to get their two cents worth in, Why can't they see the positives such as having two that will grow up together and be close? It the fact that Im going to have another beautiful baby to complete my family?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2014 22:02

OP... so these people randomly come up to you and comment/ask you intrusive questions? That's very rude. If it were me, I'd just walk off and leave them to their conjecture.

I wouldn't even comment on somebody's pregnancy, how would I know if the baby's wanted or otherwise, it's so easy to offend.

SockyWockyDooDaaa · 26/12/2014 22:02

I had four in just over four and a half years. I was constantly asked if I had a telly, and everyone who said it thought it was soooo funny.

In a weird way having is easier than having three and having three was easier than having two....

SockyWockyDooDaaa · 26/12/2014 22:03

That should read "having four is easier than having three"..

jellybeans · 26/12/2014 23:54

I got awful comments when I was having twins and had a 2 and 5 year old. Having just had a stillbirth I just didn't get the commiserations. Then when I had my 5th I got some very negative comments off some family members however I love having a big family even though it is very hard work at times. I will soon have 4 teenagers and find this age far harder than small ones!

RonaldMcDonald · 26/12/2014 23:58

GP said wouldn't both discussing DD1 with me until I made it to 12 weeks as it there wan no point getting my hopes up

Babieseverywhere · 27/12/2014 08:36

People just like to flap their mouths at times...just ignore what you can.

I get a fair few comments and we only have 4, which I think is a pretty average size for a family. Especially at banks for some reason ?

As a couple of my children are quite spirited any positive comments are welcome !

Congratulations on your pregnancy, enjoy your family :)

Bibasbottom · 27/12/2014 08:48

Just ignore the naysayers! !!

I had children with the same age gap and it wasn't that bad at all! They are now each other's closest friends.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

:)

Branleuse · 27/12/2014 08:56

theres 11.5 months between ds2 and dd. I survived it - not unscathed - it was bloody hard , make sure you enlist all the help and support you can with no shame.

After a few years it becomes totally the best gap ever. Mine are 6&7 now and are like twins. You will reap the rewards later, and if you have more support than i did, and manage to avoid postnatal mentalness better than me, it night not even be that bad to begin with

GlitzAndGigglesx · 27/12/2014 09:01

My mum had 3 under 2 - 2 of us being twins and she coped just fine. Tell them to fuck right off

Spadequeen · 27/12/2014 09:03

I remember with dd1 people telling me my life was over, that I should enjoy my freedom whilst I can. If only I knew about "did you mean to sound so rude?" then

They're bastards and jealous, fuck em. Enjoy your pregnancy and the baby.

nottheOP · 27/12/2014 09:10

The only acceptable scenario is to get married at the right age (subjective, all will have an opinion) after an appropriate dating period. You can either live in sin or not know each other at all before marrying.

you can have kid's after the (subjective) correct period of being married

you can have 2 kids. One of each. If you have 2 the same, you may be able to have a 3rd but you're quite possibly unhinged

the children must have the right age gap (subjective)

Only kids/no kids aren't allowed. Fertility issues aren't an excuse.... just adopt!

m0therofdragons · 27/12/2014 09:17

I have 3dc. The youngest are twins and people seem continually stunned to see me in public, dressed and wearing makeup. Constantly told they don't know how I cope. My closest friend has 3dc but her 3rd was born when her dd2 was 1.it was hard but mostly because her idiot husband had an affair. The two girls growing up are really close.
I get double trouble a lot. Mostly I stick on my biggest smile and confidently say no it's double the cuddles!
If I were you I'd do similar - challenge their preconception that the baby was a mistake (even if it was a surprise). Tell them you're so happy and always wanted twins so this is the closest you can get. You're so happy you're dc will have a close bond and it'll be worth the early hard work as they will entretain each other as they get older.
Failing that tell them you're really worried and will need support from family and friends then hand them the vacuum while you sit with your feet up!

notquiteruralbliss · 27/12/2014 09:18

Wow daisyflower I have 4 x DCs and I can't imagine the older ones doing much in the way of child care housework etc as they have far more interesting things to do. Though maybe having 4 was a reaction to being an only child. :D

Callofthewild · 27/12/2014 09:32

Bit more empathy from here too OP. I have 15 month twins and am constantly met with negativity towards them "oh what a nightmare", "double trouble", "which one's the naughty one" etc etc. People just don't realise how exceptionally rude they can be about much wanted and loved children. Enjoy DC4 it sounds like your home will be filled with love and fun.

ApocalypseThen · 27/12/2014 09:44

My mother has 4 of us with the same age gap between each. It's fantastic, we've always been great pals. She always says that as you grow more experienced as a baby wrangler each child is progressively easier anyhow to the point that she barely knew the youngest was there.

ithoughtofitfirst · 27/12/2014 09:45

When people question your ability to cope what they're really saying is that they couldn't cope if it were them. People always say the stupidest shit when they don't understand a situation fully. I am so envious of you because I always wanted 4. You're so lucky (as I'm sure you know!) So congratulations and enjoy FlowersBrew

ChampagneAndCrisps · 27/12/2014 10:37

We have 4. My MIL was rude about each pregnancy from no 1 onwards. Now she delights in her only grandchildren as my SIL has no kids.
Just ignore and enjoy. They're ignorant people who are just opening their mouths and spouting rubbish.

Whatsonemore · 27/12/2014 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

randycheeseburger · 27/12/2014 13:01

tell them to fuck off, when I was pregnant I kept getting asked if they were planned Hmm
congratulations btw I wish I could have a house full of them myself :)

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 27/12/2014 13:22

I would say with a big bottle of gin :)

Inboxer · 27/12/2014 13:23

God people spout the most mindless crap! You will be fine and you will have a lovely happy home with four little characters to love and be loved by.

SilverSnowflake · 27/12/2014 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NobodyLivesHere · 27/12/2014 13:57

I mc my second pregnancy, but there would have been a 13 month gap. It was planned. The amount of people who said things like 'oh it would have been too hard anyway' was unbelievable. People are arseholes. We went on to have a 17 month gap and then a 20 month gap. They are now 8, 10 and 11 and I've never regretted it. Congratulations!!

Chillycamper · 27/12/2014 14:10

My 4 DC are older than yours but we do still get comments

"Are you mad/do you have a telly/glutton for punishment?"

I say, "I wish We'd started earlier as I would have had 6."

I would have been very pleased at any extra surprises too.

As PP said there is a view of how you should lead your life and if you veer away from that people feel free to say what they like but it's not an even playing field as you can't comment back...

Chillycamper · 27/12/2014 14:17

Lol forgot to say MIL only recently asked if we were "taking precautions." When I said nothing (shocked) she went on to tell me that if DH made a mistake I could get emergency contraception from the chemist!

Just as background, I'm in my forties now, kids well cared for and we don't depend on MIL for money or child care so none of her business

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