My children haven't been wowed at all today :(

[Jaffacakesareyummy]

I think I got it totally wrong, youngest 4, really hasn't been sure what they wanted when asked for months, and today again hasn't seemed at all impressed with anything.

Eldest 7 has been miffed all day that Santa forgot 1 impossible gift yet dispite some lovely gifts has appeared in search if something else all day.

I'm totally annoyed, feel like they are either ungrateful, or I am a total failure and don't know my kids well enough. :(

What a shame, but you are NOT a failure.
TV and internet ad campaigns can give kids totally unrealistic expectations, unless you explain to them what is affordable.
Any parent not in the 0.1% may need to have that talk

Even at their age though, they need to learn gratitude and politeness.

My youngest really wasn't bratish, just underwhelmed. My 7 year old however does need a chat! Hard when his school pal is literally drowning in expensive crap!
7 year old has been hyper and annoying all day to be honest!

In our house Santa brings one gift only per child. This is not something massive. Think £13-£16 tops. When dd was younger it was even less. We also buy our kids a bigger gift, quite a few little gifts and they buy each other a larger and a smaller gift.

I agree with JavelinArse when they say You are not a failure, children are hard bloody work! I think it's worth starting to talk to your children about the importance of appreciating that it's the thought that counts when it comes to gifts and that they are much more fortunate than many children.

As I wrapped gifts (literally a sea of small nice things collected over months) I watched news items of kids who had nothing. No clothes or even food. Toys were not even mentioned. It is not possible to fulfil all the wishes of our children. It is easier, and in the long run better, to give children realistic expectations of what they may get for Christmas (from us as parents or from Santa - if he calls at your house).

I also agree with TooHasty when they say Christmas is so over-hyped these days, it is nearly certain not to be a 'wow' day!

It is good to find fun things the kids can enjoy that do not cost too much. Making cakes, going in the bath in their swim suits together with all their new bath toys in the middle of the day, whatever it is they like. My dd wanted to clean the car the other day (she 10 so I let her) so loved it.

I was worried our son would be upset as he can be quite demanding. He is newly adopted and had some expectations about Santa bringing all the gifts at Christmas! I made sure he knew this was not the case and he would not get all the things on his massive list! He literally watched telly on CITV and shouted 'I want that on my list' 'I want that on my list' every few minutes!!

I was nervous, but it has been OK. We got things he had said he wanted and it worked out OK but it could have been a different story!

Our son just needs to learn.

Sometimes a variety of smaller cheaper items are easier as there is more chance that one of them will hit the spot. But I do think kids in general need to cut out the moaning, mine, yours, anyone's kids! And I think if they really do not like the gifts they can take them to the charity shop and start making realistic plans for next year!

But do not beat yourself up, you are a caring mum doing your best. I hope someone got you something nice!

FC does DS stocking - so it's only ever been things that aren't going to cost a mortgage! He did get a onesie and DVD this year and then glow sticks, bath stuff stuff etc from pound shop !
He knows the tree gifts are from me and ones at my parents are from aunts, uncles, and GPs.
He only ever asks for 2 things - one from me and 1 from my parents. So he's happy with extras but wouldn't be bothered at all without them. He has ASD so his mindset is always focused on that 1 thing. I do think he'd be extremely disappointed if he got 100 presents but not that 1 thing he asked for iyswim? But the thing he got this year for Xmas he's asked for before and I've explained it's too expensive and he's accepted it. This year I said nothing - so he didn't 'know' he was getting it iyswim but think he probably worked it out!

I think this is more about parental expectation, thinking that it has to be magical. Of course it is a special day but there is so much pressure for kids to live up to that. They have the same range of emotions as us. It's also important for them to learn that adverts are all lies and how to discern what an item is really likely to be like.

I have to say I am quite shocked at quite a few threads I have read on here of childrens reactions.

I do wonder how children are set up for the day.. My DS only wanted one gift ..He did have plenty more but he has been grateful for everything he got. The only thing he hasn't took much notice of are the clothes..He will appreciate later I know.

We do the Santa....He did ask for a cat at one point but it was quashed instantly with Santa would not put a cat somewhere there wasn't room so there was no expectation of a cat.

He is 7 this year but while he probably didn't understand till he was 3 have never seen that kind of behaviour

I'm starting to think it's overhyped too, it's a non stop onslaught of Christmas events in the last three weeks of school, then there are endless opportunities for more excitement, visiting Santa, lights being switched on in town, Christmas events everywhere. I'm hoping we can scale it back once they are at secondary school (not long now for my two).

For weeks people have been slated on threads for daring not to do FC.

Now there are threads that kids are disappointed and adults are upset.

Why should kids not be disappointed, they are told he had magic powers, and can do anything.....they believe the lie that fed them.

I think I have felt even more pressure seeing Facebook, it's been plastered jn shoowing off how big are everyone children's gifts are etc! It's really annoying me it's almost vulgar

Reeky, we don't tell our boys he can do anything!

I think one of the main things that helps manage expectations in this house is that the DC don't watch commercial TV. Ever. So no endless ads selling them crap. Ever.

It really does make a difference to the pester power and disappointment - I'd highly recommend it!

If your child asks for impossible things, don't you tell them in advance they're unlikely to get them though? There was something on DS's list that he'd invented so I laughed (kindly) and told him that even Santa's elves couldn't make him that

But I got him some surprises too - I think that is what the wow is about? Or maybe DS is just easily pleased

Oddfodd - what were your surprises?

Here Santa brings stockings of small things he knows you want / need /will find silly fun. Big presents are from relatives/friends and need money , so you can express a wish but shouldn't expect.

The best thing Santa ever did was bring character knickers. This was seen as absolute proof he was real as no way would mum buy anything other than basic plain bum coverings

The kids have learned to be sweet and polite about gifts over the years. Grandma trawling the charity shops really teaches this too!

It takes years and I think society is more materialistic too.

A jigsaw puzzle and a fluffy onesie. Did you get your kids surprises? It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself :(

Yes lots of surprises around themes they like, a live toy was an unexpected massive hit with youngest. However everything else, even a scooter has been meet with almost grumpiness.

My 7 year old had has a bike scooter and guitar yet still wants bigger things and keeps saying Santa has forgotten something

Honestly I'm so annoyed at them :(

My two youngest grandchildren had some amazing gifts.Among their favourites were a plastic sweetshop with real sweets, a pair of enormous sunglasses (£1), and two 'fart guns'! They are boys aged 5 and 8.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. If they are not usually bratty then it's probably because they are tired and totally overwhelmed. I'd still have a chat with your DD but otherwise I'd leave it be. They might be happy as Larry by tomorrow.

Xmas is so ridiculously hyped it's not suprising kids can be a little dissapointed in the reality.

Next year you can prepare them better.

I'd be annoyed too op

I'm annoyed with dc aged 20!! Longingly looking at radley handbags on self ridges website and declaring they are down from £1500 to just under £1000!! Hint hint. She's never had expensive presents but I've seen a change since new friends with richer parents came on the scene

Bloody hell 26point! I'd tell her "Oooh that's lovely. When you win the lottery you can buy me one!"

Radley handbags don't cost a grand £100-150 maybe.

I agree with hehe - DS was pretty foul yesterday (xmas eve) because he'd got himself so worked up.

Bratty 20 year olds however should be told to save up for expensive things if they want them

We always sent money to father Christmas for him to buy the presents with (there are so many children in the world these days that he only makes presents for children who who have no parents.) This manages expectations because you can then say that some items are too expensive.

Crikey, scooters and guitar are big presents. No wonder you are upset.
Your 7-yr-old needs to understand some pals will receive more than him, others less.
Maybe buy a present together for a kid's charity and explain to him that some families can only afford Poundland presents.

My dc favourite gifts are a fairy toy that was actually free (second hand from a neighbour but I put it but for Christmas) and some cuddly toys that weren't expensive.
It seems many of their 3 and 7 yo friends need ipads or they're not impressed. Not sure why my girls are so easily pleased but I'm much happier this way :)

I don't think you're alone, OP - I think it's hard to get this right; we kind of overwhelm our children with lavish gift-giving every Christmas yet still want them not to take it for granted. I was raised poor and was genuinely gratified with everything I got - which was far less than my children, or most children, get - but I don't want my dc not to share in the family's relative (strongly relative!) affluence so they do have more of a sense of entitlement.

I haven't cracked this AT ALL. But these are some things I find helpful:

• gently discouraging getting overhyped about one day (in which they're usually not getting enough exercise, and doing lots of hanging around while grown-ups are busy in the kitchen). Someone upthread said they keep Christmas low key; I suppose I do more of a levelling up in that I encourage my dc to think Christmas is magical, but that it's about one full month of lovely things happening, rather than one day of orgiastic excitement. With the older one, I talk explicitly about the importance of not expecting one day to be completely perfect.

• kind of the same point, but I do make quite a big deal of the rituals of Christmas that are not about presents: going to the Christingle service at our local church; going to all the local Christmas fairs and lights up; making our own decorations; baking; even elf on the sodding shelf. Even if they're not wowed by their presents, they will still have had a lovely Christmas.

• I'm quite clear that their letter to Santa is not a shopping list, but some ideas to get him started.

• Santa brings stocking presents, parents give tree presents. And good manners are absolutely required. Santa gets a thank you note too.

• I don't let them open all their Christmas presents at once - they get overwhelmed and start chucking them aside with barely a glance. So stocking in the morning, then tree presents early afternoon. They hand out the presents and it's one each at a time, with frequent pauses - no mad paper-tearing stampede. Usually they start getting overwhelmed by the sheer quantity (large extended family) so I'll hold some back till the next day, or just stop when I feel they've had enough. (I have a child who really struggles to manage feeling overwhelmed so it's quite easy for me to spot the signs of when to stop.)

• Finally, I try to manage my own feelings and expectations. The presents that wow them on the day aren't always the ones that they end up loving and appreciating the most. And if I'm tense and anxious about their reactions, they will pick up on that and either start anxiously acting out the reaction I want (the eldest) or testing me by stropping out (the youngest). I try to role model being calm and relaxed about it all.

Sorry if I sound smug. I am no-one's idea of a perfect parent. But I'm feeling pretty chuffed as we have just had a lovely Christmas Day . I hope your Boxing Day is better.