To think I REALLY should have been told/asked

[haphazardbystarlight]

DH has bought a dog.

It's gorgeous but I know it's ALL going to land on me.

I'm not being U, am I?

To be honest sugar it doesn't make any difference.

Clearly I am a shit, stupid person for not wanting to break my sons heart and for not wanting a confused and lovely dog to be confused and upset still more. Maybe no one intended it but this is victim blaming is it not? My DH does something thoughtless and stupid - and it's MY fault.

Because that's what people are saying. It's my fault because I've let him. Why not just come out and say it? Because I've had enough.

Not victim blaming at all - you are not an innocent victim if your DGs stupidity - the puppy is.

You can put your feelings to one side and make a responsible decision.

We just had to rehome our little furbaby because he kept going for the baby. It was horrendous to have to give her away, but dogs and babies are such a dangerous combination.

I hope to God its a puppy. Our local rescue will no longer rehome dogs over 2 in any homes where there is a child under 5, as you don't know the dogs previous experiences/triggers and how it will react. They did this after they rehomed a Labrador (!!) to a home with a toddler and the toddler was bitten in the face, plastic surgery and all.

Anyway, if its not a puppy just keep them in different rooms please. And leave that arsehole.

*dHs stupidity

Maybe your DH knows how you feel and this is a last ditch panic attempt at keeping his family. He's desperate and will do anything.

No it totally isn't your fault at all and I don't blame you for not wanting DS or the dog upset and confused. Don't know the history of your relationship with your DH but this is exactly the sort of thing controlling people do, precisely to control you - you are the victim.

It must be incredibly difficult to look a DS happy on Christmas day and know that things might be very different next Christmas and I really feel for you. I think it might be an idea though to gently take a bit of a breath and think it through carefully about how you could cope moving forward.

Puppies can be really difficult which is why some people are worried about you. Not to say it can't work - there was a lady on our dog walk who got one when heavily pregnant an it has worked out fine. But that was her choice, this has been sprung on you and I think you need a little bit of time to have a chance to think this through for a bit. I'd be furious in your position with your H and I am sorry he has done this to you on Christmas Day.

Thanks Sugar

The people telling me I should take the dog straight to the nearest rescue centre (which obviously will be open at Christmas) ignore distressed DS - oh and I'll be walking to this fictional rescue centre as I don't have a car and DH has gone to work - just, you know, do one.

DH will keep the dog as far as I can see. He bought it, it's his dog.

I'm just pissed off that because I haven't immediately jumped to taking the dog away I'm a crap person/wife/mother - ALL things DH has informed me of before, so it's really not helpful, luckily I now know it's a pile of shit not true.

If some of you want to believe that in not ditching a puppy at the RSPCA on Christmas Day I'm a terrible person - well yeah, whatever!

Wow. Does your husband have form for making surprise, unilateral decisions?

He does indeed.

I'm really glad you have realised that the things DH has said about you aren't true. I can fully understand why you are thinking of leaving him and to be honest that sounds like it will be a positive if you do.

If DH will be keeping the puppy that solves that - I think people are just worried you will get lumbered with the puppy whilst trying to look after a baby and your DS on your own.

I hope that when next Christmas comes round things are better for you

MrsD thanks And sugar too for seeing "where I am coming from" so to speak.

My DH is a dick but that's hardly the dogs fault. It isn't mine either

For the love of god people....its a dog. Its not satan. With a bit of routine and common sense the op will be fine. The kneejerk reaction of babies and dogs dont mix is utter shite. Yes...some dogs have attacked children.... but its rare. As rare as a nurse killing babies. We dont all stop going to hospitals do we?
A dog is a good addition to the family. I have 3.... staffies and rottweilers. No trauma...no panic...no attacked babies. Just no christmas ham. Keep the pup. You'll be grand OP...PM me if you need any sensible training/feeding/ routine advise x

I work with unwanted rescue dogs and do voluntary work at my local dogs' home. I am due to get 2 fosters in later this week.
I am absolutely appalled that someone would just randomly buy a dog without discussing it with the family first. It is dogs like this that end up unwanted and stuck in rescues. 70 unwanted dogs are pts every day due to idiots like your husband.

I'm with Sugar and MrsDevere.

Generally dogs are best not given as unexpected presents. They are a big commitment, a fair bit of work and can be expensive on food and vet bill (good that he has insurance, but make sure to know what level you have).

You aren't a bad person or mum for not taking the pup straight back or to rescue.

You sound a caring person. Only you really know whether you are able to cater properly for the dog's needs as it grows. If you can and you want to then Christmas Day is but a date on the calendar

Ensure that the rest of the family, particularly you husband) are aware of how much work will be involved, and that they will be expected to muck in and do their share, even with the unromantic aspects such as clearing up puke, poo and other general mess.

With rules established, you can begin to enjoy owning a dog.

I love my dog to bits-but, boy,what hard work when as a puppy. It was wet & wintry when we were training him , so as well as taking out for wees every hour etc the puppy classes were all done in freezing conditions& dark nights. But we are so glad we got dog-it was a joint decision & we both went to meet the mum & dad dog etc. I have told DH under no circumstances should he ever consider getting another one as a surprise- I would be horrified. The initial hard work has paid off though.
(btw I can understand you wanting to keep the puppy but being very annoyed at the same time-yanbu)

As a Dog Handler. Situations and "gifts" like these make me furious. The amount of dogs/puppys who have had to be rehomed or given back causing them (the dog!) further stress is overwhelming but it has to be done if it is what is best with a dog.

At least you have a puppy which is slightly easy to raise with a puppy as they'll learn around each other but you should always consult on getting a dog and what breed you want. Not all dogs even puppies get on with children.

You must start house training as soon as or it will get harder. How old is the puppy. Is he/she ready to be chipped/vaccinated/spayed? Has it been done already by the breeder? The puppy stage for a spaniel is roughly 18 months. Training is essential between 8-12 weeks. must stop ranting

Anyway.... no, YANU. I'd be furious. He should have talked to you and discussed it.

Ahh sorry the typos! Too much juice and choc pudding!

If you can cope with a dog and ready for what it entails then congrats on keeping him/her :)

Also, can I recommend crate training? It becomes very useful :)

Have they a name yet?

YADNBU - I'd be hopping mad. I'm not that much of a dog person myself, and I've told DH repeatedly that IF he wants a dog, then he will be doing all the work with it because I don't really like them and I'm certainly not doing all the poo pick-ups .

DS1 has just started asking about one (he's just 7) and I've said much the same to him - he can't even look after his sodding stick insect properly, let alone a dog, so he'll be waiting until he's demonstrated adequate responsibility in pet care before I consider it for him probably once he's left home and has his own place
DS1 likes the idea of dogs much more than the reality though - they still scare him a bit.

DS2 - he's too little to care either way at 2, but he also prefers the idea to the reality.

If you're already considering leaving your H because of his behaviour etc., then this would be the final nail in the coffin for me.

I completely disagree that the OP should be the one getting rid of the new dog - even if she was willing to entertain that option. Her 'D'H brought the dog in, he should be the one to take it away.

As it stands, I agree with Petradreaming. A spaniel cross puppy is VERY unlikely to be a danger around children. Spaniels tend to be soppy buggers, they love kids. Maybe the dog was a blessing in a way. If the family may soon split, the dog will be a major source of comfort to your DS, and a little pal for you too. If you aren't going to consider getting rid of him, then the only thing to do is accept it and try to change your mindset. Focus on the positives. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing when he gets in from work, but don't just give in and take on all the work either. If the puppy wees on the floor in the night, he needs to clear it up, not leave it for you.

Definitely not. I agree, you should take the dog back.

Dog has been named Yogi, after DS's favourite cartoon

No I don't think he'll be a danger. It's more the WORK involved than worries about him biting the baby. It's pee on the floor and walks in gale force winds and general hyper/bonkers dog behaviour.

It'll be fine

Can you keep the puppy and get rid of the 'D'H?

Spaniels are still like other puppy breeds. So get a handle on training those puppy teeth and claws are sharp enough to break skin. They're hyper puppies and like all puppies they don't have a handle on how hard they bite and think they're playing. Gotta learn them the difference from bad biting and good biting (BIL has a Bocker (3part Spaniel 1part Beagle). :)

Your DS will have a lovely best friend for years to come OP :) A dog is a lovely addition to a household :)

Dh is going. Although he doesn't know this yet.

The destination of the dog depends on what happens then I suppose.