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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit narked at present I got

90 replies

Spiritedgirl · 25/12/2014 11:24

Ok so I just need to know if I'm an ungrateful cow or not. Boyfriend and I are unable to be together at Xmas and so he dropped round my presents a couple of days but asked me not to open them until today. So I just did. I got some nice smelly stuff, some of it quite expensive and stuff he knows I like so so far so good.

One of the things he knows I like is jewellery, in particular a certain brand of charm bracelet. Think along the lines of Pandora but a different brand. Anyhow in the past he has bought me a couple of charms and I have been thrilled with them. All from the jewellers and while I was with him. Just to set the scene they cost around £45 each.

So I'm opening my presents and see the box and think wow this is going to be good. It's a bracelet box. So I'm thinking new bracelet - wow. However, inside is a charm but as I'm looking at it I realise it's not new .. Its tarnished and as I'm looking at the box I can see it's been used before as it's a bit scruffy and the velvet inside is worn looking. Also the new charms come with a tag you have to cut off before you can use it and there is no tag with this one. Besides is a bracelet box and not the type of box that the charms come in.

Long story short it must have come from eBay as I know boyfriend enjoys looking at things on there. He is into vintage watches but we are talking very expensive items. For example he bought he himself a vintage watch that cost £3500 last year.

AIBU to feel narked that he bought me a second hand charm that he probably paid £15 quid for but that only costs £45 brand new, it's not like it's a rare or valuable item. This particular charm is easily available in the high street and online. The only saving grace is that the charm is something that is specific to him and me so the meaning and thought behind it is nice but that kind of makes me feel worse. Why not just buy me a new one?
I'm ungrateful aren't I?

I should say he is not short of a few bob so money is not an issue.

OP posts:
Nydj · 25/12/2014 21:09

Thank goodness some posters have come on to say that OP is not being unreasonable - if someone buys a gift for you and it's supposed to be the thought that counts then you have to wonder what the 'thought' was behind a much cheaper, secondhand and damaged present from someone who could afford better is.

JollyJingle · 25/12/2014 21:25

Nyd. She also got some lovely smellies which were expensive and which she loves so he's not exactly a skinflint. The fact that he is aware of her likes and dislikes is a great plus in my book and shows he cares. Maybe the eBay picture looked better than the item really was so he thought he'd give it anyway as there were plenty of other goodies he'd paid for!

You make it sound like he just tossed her some cheap unwanted plastic tat.

Spiritedgirl · 25/12/2014 21:47

Ooh thank you all for your comments. Some of you more on my side than the first few posts. I think Lweji has it spot on. My expectations were raised by the bracelet box. So not only was it not a bracelet but the charm, had been previously owned. I think boyfriend meant well so I'm being gracious.

OP posts:
Loletta · 25/12/2014 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseBuster · 25/12/2014 23:46

Nothing wrong with second hand if it's in good condition. You say he likes vintage watches himself I bet they are all in good working order. Scratched charms for Xmas is a bit off. Second hand fine but not if they are being sold as they are too scuffed to wear.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/12/2014 00:27

On the upside op. someone who has seen you naked could have got you a size 20 jumper when your a size 10 and then explained it away by saying they were catering for your mahoosive boobs.

Second hand wouldn't bother me I quite like the idea of second hand jewellery

minklundy · 26/12/2014 01:05

oswell I had an ex who spent hundreds on me for gifts. And who totted up how much all the gifts he received cost.

I had another ex who once made me an angel delight for my birthday because it was all he could afford on the day and he knew I loved butterscotch.

Guess which one was the abusive twat who made every single celebration a miserable occasion Hmm

I'd take the love over the price tag any day.

GazpachoSoup · 26/12/2014 12:51

He got you some expensive smellies, and a charm that he knows you'd like, and you're put out because it's not shiny enough?
Wow. Is that you, Verucca Salt? Incredibly spoilt. Hope he gets you what you deserve next year which would be nothing

Summerbreezer · 26/12/2014 14:36

Presents are all about intent and context. Being "spoilt" is just an emotive way to talk about expectations.

This is not about brand new vs second hand, £15 vs £45 vs £3500.

This is about the thought that went into the present and what you believe it says about his regard for you.

You are uncomfortable because there is part of you that thinks he should have bought a brand new one. In the context of your relationship and your particular circumstances your expectations have not been met.

Whether that is unreasonable to the wider world or not is totally irrelevant. It isn't our lives or our relationship. Talk to him about it.

Dukketeater · 26/12/2014 14:40

Very spoilt and ungrateful

Sorry I know you don't want to hear that but it is true!

19lottie82 · 26/12/2014 14:49

I'm in the minority here but to know the OP would like something specific which isn't really that expensive / easily avaliable, and to hand over a second hand one that's in need of a good clean and the box was falling apart if be pretty gutted too. Everyone that's claiming them wouldn't be disappointed and would be so grateful...... Yeah right.

19lottie82 · 26/12/2014 14:51

UNLESS he was skint, of course. But as he bought a £3500 watch, I'm guessing he isn't.

Loletta · 26/12/2014 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerbreezer · 26/12/2014 18:49

Thanks, Loletta! It is why I think "you should be grateful you got anything" always sounds like nonsense to me.

Everything is relative - it is all about your expectations in any given situation. If you go to a five star hotel and there is no hot water, you are not expected to be grateful just because some people have no running water at all.

I hope you are having a better Christmas this year Flowers

Loletta · 26/12/2014 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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