Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be a bit narked at present I got

90 replies

Spiritedgirl · 25/12/2014 11:24

Ok so I just need to know if I'm an ungrateful cow or not. Boyfriend and I are unable to be together at Xmas and so he dropped round my presents a couple of days but asked me not to open them until today. So I just did. I got some nice smelly stuff, some of it quite expensive and stuff he knows I like so so far so good.

One of the things he knows I like is jewellery, in particular a certain brand of charm bracelet. Think along the lines of Pandora but a different brand. Anyhow in the past he has bought me a couple of charms and I have been thrilled with them. All from the jewellers and while I was with him. Just to set the scene they cost around £45 each.

So I'm opening my presents and see the box and think wow this is going to be good. It's a bracelet box. So I'm thinking new bracelet - wow. However, inside is a charm but as I'm looking at it I realise it's not new .. Its tarnished and as I'm looking at the box I can see it's been used before as it's a bit scruffy and the velvet inside is worn looking. Also the new charms come with a tag you have to cut off before you can use it and there is no tag with this one. Besides is a bracelet box and not the type of box that the charms come in.

Long story short it must have come from eBay as I know boyfriend enjoys looking at things on there. He is into vintage watches but we are talking very expensive items. For example he bought he himself a vintage watch that cost £3500 last year.

AIBU to feel narked that he bought me a second hand charm that he probably paid £15 quid for but that only costs £45 brand new, it's not like it's a rare or valuable item. This particular charm is easily available in the high street and online. The only saving grace is that the charm is something that is specific to him and me so the meaning and thought behind it is nice but that kind of makes me feel worse. Why not just buy me a new one?
I'm ungrateful aren't I?

I should say he is not short of a few bob so money is not an issue.

OP posts:

SuperGlue · 25/12/2014 14:11

I agree with those who have said you are not being ungrateful unless this is the 'style' of gifts you give each other regularly? Your opening post states that he is not short of money and that this charm is readily available. If you went to trouble to give him something nice and to his taste than I do not think you are being unreasonable to feel a bit let down by this. I do not get all the martyred posts either.

sarkymare · 25/12/2014 14:30

I have given DP second hand things as gifts before. I could have easily afforded to purchase them new but preferred to save money where I could. I don't see the point in spending money just for the sake of it. If it was from eBay he wouldn't have know the condition of the charm. And if you had the option of spending either £15 or £45 for the exact same item which would you choose? It's a no brainer for me.

I think your present sounds lovely OP and you do sound a little ungrateful. The charm means something to your relationship. He obviously put thought into it and cares about you. so it shouldn't matter wether the price tag was £0.01p or £1000

In the kindest possible way, get a grip and enjoy your Christmas!

islanderin · 25/12/2014 14:40

YANBU. I think many are being incredibly unfair to "Spirited". She smells somethings up and it probably is. Maybe he struggled to find a new one online. Maybe they couldn't deliver a new one to him on time. Maybe he didn't know it was in bad condition (lots of ebay sellers fib).

Have you ever had a piece of jewellery "read"? Do you cherish an item from a relative? Psychometry is real and I believe she wanted a new one, and why not? She wanted a fresh one. Once you explain to him you appreciate the sentiment but the gift is not in good condition I'm sure he will replace it & apologise- or at least tell you the reason. :)

oswellkettleblack · 25/12/2014 14:44

'Why oh please. The attitude is VERY ungrateful.'

So, woman, be pleased with any old shit he gets you, because hey, at least it's something. Nevermind if you put thought, effort, money into his, you're only worthy of any ol' thing or you are 'ungrateful'.

This is why these past few days this entire site has been peppered with thread after thread from women with partners/husbands who are lazy, selfish and have no respect for them.

oswellkettleblack · 25/12/2014 14:45

I got his spit in a cup but you know, I'm grateful because a turd would be harder to wear round my neck and dirt would blow in the wind.

ImperialBlether · 25/12/2014 14:48

Oh for crying out loud, he treats himself to a watch that's £3,500 and treats the OP to a second hand item that wasn't expensive to start with.

I know many people on here don't have any Christmas presents and I'm sorry, but to scream that she's ungrateful and should shut up is just not fair.

MarjorieMelon · 25/12/2014 14:51

Orwell your advice is wrong and damaging. One gift that isn't well received does not mean that the OP is putting up with a second rate relationship. Its just a gift.

Dh bought me something today that I wasn't expecting and it was so thoughtful that it brought tears to my eyes. I bought him a jumper, a boring bloody jumper as I just couldn't think what to buy. Last year I bought dh something quite expensive that he wasn't expecting. I can't remember what dh bought me last year.

You can't analyse a relationship on the basis of one gift. I never realised just how materialistic people were until I joined MN.

oswellkettleblack · 25/12/2014 14:59

'Orwell your advice is wrong and damaging.'

It's oswell, and the above is your opinion. Mine is that the time to take a good, hard look at equality in a relationship is when you are boyfriend and girlfriend.

southeastastra · 25/12/2014 15:09

I wouldn't want tarnished stuff either I am prob spoilt and entitled

MarjorieMelon · 25/12/2014 15:10

Sorry that was my autocorrect.

A one off badly received gift doesn't mean that it isn't an equal partnership. As I said before my present to dh was pants this year but last year I got him something that he really appreciated. Presents have never been important in my relationship with dh sometimes we don't buy each anything!

MarjorieMelon · 25/12/2014 15:10

each other. Lost the ability to type today...

oswellkettleblack · 25/12/2014 15:14

south, you are so ungrateful.

Lweji · 25/12/2014 15:22

If that was the only gift, then you'd be right to be upset.
As there were others, to your taste and where he has spent a good amount, this particular thing wouldn't bother me.

I don't think it's a matter of being grateful or ungrateful, tbh.
He has also given you other charms, so it doesn't look like it was a big thing.
I think your reaction had more to do with raised expectations at seeing a bracelet box and coming out with a 2nd hand charm, than being ungrateful as such.

Lweji · 25/12/2014 15:23

Sorry, if that had been the only gift...

Seriouslyffs · 25/12/2014 15:34

Does no one rtft?
OP- have a lovely day.

sarkymare · 25/12/2014 15:44

So what if he brought himself a £3500 watch last year its irrelevant. He got the OP a bunch of lovely gifts including the charm. Yes it's tarnished which is a shame but its fixable.

As for the spit in a cup comment, it's both childish and petty. However if I was with someone who was so materialistic that they thought the price spent equates to how good a relationship is or how much one cares for another, I would probably gift just that.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 25/12/2014 16:08

Is the charm one that is no longer available?

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/12/2014 16:09

For heavens sake - it's only a short thread people, try reading it...

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 25/12/2014 16:11

Perhaps elaborate as to why you think people need to read it...?

Seriouslyffs · 25/12/2014 16:17

Because a few posts back OP came back and said ok, I probably wbu!

manchestermummy · 25/12/2014 19:30

YABU: is it a Primark sheep onesie two sizes too big, is it? IS IT?

Is this the tip of the iceberg? Is he normally thoughtful? How long have you been together?

JollyJingle · 25/12/2014 19:40

You have a bf who knows what you like!

DH bought me a scarf almost identical to one I already have, expensive perfume (channel no 5) which I don't particularly like as I only wear L'Air Du Temps, and he even bought me salt and vinegar crisps recently when I said I fancied some crisps. I can't even sit at a table with vinegar on it I hate it so much!

Still grateful as at least there were some presents

Themindboggles2014 · 25/12/2014 19:58

If these are troll beads? Then I know certain ones can be hard to get a hold of, or when they go out of production, near impossible to get a hold of. I know you say it's always in stock, but do you know this? He may have gone to great lengths to find this for you!

HoldenCaulfield80 · 25/12/2014 20:20

Wow. YABU. But you knew that already, surely?

ToomanyChristmasPresents · 25/12/2014 20:30

It's all about context. It all depends whether he was doing the best he could in his circumstances, or just being cheap. Or whether he tracked down a specific hard to get bead, or just found a bargain and thought that'll do!

Flip

1 2 3 4