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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit narked at present I got

90 replies

Spiritedgirl · 25/12/2014 11:24

Ok so I just need to know if I'm an ungrateful cow or not. Boyfriend and I are unable to be together at Xmas and so he dropped round my presents a couple of days but asked me not to open them until today. So I just did. I got some nice smelly stuff, some of it quite expensive and stuff he knows I like so so far so good.

One of the things he knows I like is jewellery, in particular a certain brand of charm bracelet. Think along the lines of Pandora but a different brand. Anyhow in the past he has bought me a couple of charms and I have been thrilled with them. All from the jewellers and while I was with him. Just to set the scene they cost around £45 each.

So I'm opening my presents and see the box and think wow this is going to be good. It's a bracelet box. So I'm thinking new bracelet - wow. However, inside is a charm but as I'm looking at it I realise it's not new .. Its tarnished and as I'm looking at the box I can see it's been used before as it's a bit scruffy and the velvet inside is worn looking. Also the new charms come with a tag you have to cut off before you can use it and there is no tag with this one. Besides is a bracelet box and not the type of box that the charms come in.

Long story short it must have come from eBay as I know boyfriend enjoys looking at things on there. He is into vintage watches but we are talking very expensive items. For example he bought he himself a vintage watch that cost £3500 last year.

AIBU to feel narked that he bought me a second hand charm that he probably paid £15 quid for but that only costs £45 brand new, it's not like it's a rare or valuable item. This particular charm is easily available in the high street and online. The only saving grace is that the charm is something that is specific to him and me so the meaning and thought behind it is nice but that kind of makes me feel worse. Why not just buy me a new one?
I'm ungrateful aren't I?

I should say he is not short of a few bob so money is not an issue.

OP posts:
TheRealMaryMillington · 25/12/2014 12:06

He probably searched high and low for the specific, meaningful charm. Or just saw it and thought you would love it.

Enjoy it for what it is, given with thought and love, rather than totting up the money he spent.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2014 12:12

I can see where you were coming from but only because it is tarnished rather than because it is second hand.

In reality it will be on a bracelet so it won't be noticeable. And he did remember to get you a charm!

lolalotta · 25/12/2014 12:12

YANBU!

LuluJakey1 · 25/12/2014 12:14

Is he married?

davejudgement · 25/12/2014 12:25

Yup, you are ungrateful

msshapelybottom · 25/12/2014 12:26

I really think if you don't get on top of your expectations OP then many a Christmas Day is going to be spoilt in the future. It's really really NOT about the money spent. You got some lovely thoughtful gifts and you were still pissed off? Don't overthink it, just try to enjoy the fact that someone who cares about you took the time to treat you :)

kali110 · 25/12/2014 12:32

Maybe he couldn't get that particular charm new and was really happy when he saw it on ebay.

JT05 · 25/12/2014 12:44

I always prefer second hand/vintage/ antique jewellry, it's better made, stones better quality and sold without tax, so the value is in the item.

You are ungrateful.

vitabrits · 25/12/2014 12:53

Clutching at straws here, but does he have any visual impairment, such as long-sightedness? If that were the case he may not have noticed the tarnish or scruffy box.

marne2 · 25/12/2014 13:01

YABU and ungrateful.

Chocolateteacake · 25/12/2014 13:13

Maybe he particularly wanted that charm and its discontinued? Is it something that has meaning?

MammaTJ · 25/12/2014 13:14

YABU! Very! Done of the best presents I have received and given have been second hand. One of my favourites is a Winnie the Pooh teapot that my DM spotted in a charity shop. I have a WtP themed kitchen and love it! I have looked to see if I could find it elsewhere but couldn't!
It seems your BF took time and trouble to get your present! Be grateful!

NickNackNooToYou · 25/12/2014 13:25

YABVU, you need to get a Christmas grip

SpicyBeat · 25/12/2014 13:39

I disagree. If it's easily available and he's not hard up it's tight to buy a used one. At the very least he should have got it cleaned up before giving it to you as a gift. Not sure why everyone thinks he's tracked down something special when your OP is clear that he could easily have bought a new one.

ThePointyAndTheIvy · 25/12/2014 13:40

Tarnish on silver is very easy to fix.

Buy some old-fashioned cleaning soda and aluminium foil. Like a plastic bowl or washing up tub with the foil - it MUST be a plastic container!!!

Add 2 or three tablespoons of the soda, then boiling water. Drop the tarnished item in, leave until the water is cold.

The reaction between the alufoil and soda will reverse the oxidisation which is making the charm tarnished. For very bad tarnish, you may need to repeat, it took 4 goes to restore my grandparents' silver but it came up lovely in the end and no scouring of the kind you get with silver polish. Finish off with a soft cloth.

I'm glad you've sorted your head out, OP.

daisychain01 · 25/12/2014 13:41

Just wondering why he had to give it to you tarnished. Presumably the tarnish is because it's a silver charm.

Maybe the thought is nice but I think he could have taken some effort to present it to you clean. Goddards silver dip is good Smile

I know it's all very nice and idealistic to imagine him sitting on the Internet searching for that special gift. But in reality I can see your point a little bit OP.

daisychain01 · 25/12/2014 13:42

Oops xposted with pointy

oswellkettleblack · 25/12/2014 13:46

'I disagree. If it's easily available and he's not hard up it's tight to buy a used one. At the very least he should have got it cleaned up before giving it to you as a gift. Not sure why everyone thinks he's tracked down something special when your OP is clear that he could easily have bought a new one.'

This.

Ask yourself this: would you have given him a second hand item that you could have bought new and given it to him in that state?

If the answer is no, then why not expect the same in return?

Reading some of these threads you can gather why some women wind up with some real duds. They set their bar too low.

hehehahahoho · 25/12/2014 13:48

Well,I going against the grain here but I would have preferred a new one too. I love second hand jewellery but 'vintage' second hand rather than just plain second hand iykwim
However, I would have assumed it was because the BF hadn't realised it would be tarnished and in the wrong box rather than it was because he was being mean. It was probably sold 'boxed, as new' so it was a mistake purchase rather than a tightwad purchase.

So YANBU to be dissapointed but Yabu to feel narked with him. He is clearly not mean as he bought you lots of other more expensive presents.

nuts2you · 25/12/2014 13:49

Glad you've pulled yourself together OP ;)

Yes, he could have polished it. But oh well. It's still a lovely, thoughtful gift. Hooray for second-hand and saving resources :)

MarjorieMelon · 25/12/2014 14:00

YABvvvvvvvvvU.

VixxenPlusAllTheOtherReindeers · 25/12/2014 14:02

Least you got something
Shut up.

oswellkettleblack · 25/12/2014 14:04

'Least you got something
Shut up.'

Oh, please.

VixxenPlusAllTheOtherReindeers · 25/12/2014 14:05

Why oh please. The attitude is VERY ungrateful.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 25/12/2014 14:06

maybe he could've added some charred remains of 50 pound notes to the gift, to make it clear that he loves you enough to piss money up the wall overpaying for stuff.