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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a friend's wedding 'early'?

56 replies

OhChristmasTimeTimeforWine · 24/12/2014 10:10

I think I have upset a friend by leaving her wedding early. When I say early I mean I left at 10.45pm. The wedding was scheduled to finish at midnight.

I don't have a 'valid' excuse to leave early, as in I am not pregnant and don't have a young child to get back to.

The reasons I left at 10.45 were because I had left the house at 6am to make the long journey to the wedding and had to make a 4/5 hour journey back home the next day. Also the wedding was last Friday and I still had loads of Christmas prep to do (we are hosting this year) plus I felt like I was coming down with a flu/cold and didn't want to stay up too late and party too hard and make myself ill for Christmas, so I took it easy at her wedding (i.e. not drinking much and leaving early).

Was I BU?

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 24/12/2014 10:12

Did you say goodbye before going?

hellsbellsmelons · 24/12/2014 10:14

I don't have a 'valid' excuse to leave early
Well I think you've listed quite a few actually.
Blimey, at my wedding, by that time, I wouldn't have noticed who was or wasn't there and would certainly not have been offended if people left early!
YWNBU!
Hope that helps!

MaryShelley · 24/12/2014 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mulderandskully · 24/12/2014 10:15

You're an adult and can leave when you like. What a bridezilla. Yanbu

Original poster
OhChristmasTimeTimeforWine · 24/12/2014 10:15

Yes of course before I left I said goodbye to both bride and groom, congratulated them, thanked them for a wonderful day etc.

OP posts:
SunnaClausIsComingToTown · 24/12/2014 10:15

It's generally considered rude to leave before the bride and groom so maybe you were a bit U.

FunkyBoldRibena · 24/12/2014 10:15

You don't need a reason. You are an adult. If she is having a go at you tell her that needs must.

RonaldMcDonald · 24/12/2014 10:16

I had no idea who was at my wedding tbh so unless it was very small I doubt she will have noticed
anyway - you went...that's the important part. You celebrated her joyous union

Swingball · 24/12/2014 10:16

No you were not BU! How do you know she is upset? I wouldn't have noticed either by that time. If she is upset that is quite odd behaviour if you ask me.

Swingball · 24/12/2014 10:18

'It's generally considered rude' - really? I had no idea of this.

Original poster
OhChristmasTimeTimeforWine · 24/12/2014 10:18

No it was not a small wedding, I would say 100ish guests for the day plus evening guests.

I think the thing about not leaving before bride and grooms dates back to years ago when the bride and groom would leave early to go on honeymoon.......

OP posts:
Middleagedmotheroftwo · 24/12/2014 10:18

The Christmas prep isn't a valid excuse. Presumably you had a fair bit of notice about the wedding and should have worked round it.

frankbough · 24/12/2014 10:19

Some people left after our meal, some left during the evening nite do, who cares.. As an adult you can go when you please, quick goodbye should suffice...

Ohnonotagain2 · 24/12/2014 10:20

Blimey I was the last person standing at my own wedding!

WooWooOwl · 24/12/2014 10:20

Of course you weren't being unreasonable.

If the friend is off with you then it could just be that she's having pretty normal post wedding come down blues. She'll get over it.

StormBraver · 24/12/2014 10:20

YANBU. I left my best friend's wedding earlier than that! Plus 10.45pm is really not all that early, it's not like you sloped off just after the meal. If your friend is upset by that then she really needs to get some perspective.

saintlyjimjams · 24/12/2014 10:20

I didn't leave my wedding until 2am so the guests would have had to wait a long time!

YANBU - are you sure she's annoyed? Or is someone just stirring?

LadyLuck10 · 24/12/2014 10:20

Yanbu, surely making the effort in the first place is the most important thing. Your friend is being ur.

saintlyjimjams · 24/12/2014 10:22

I have been at a wedding where someone left half way through the meal because her boyfriend had a strop. That was rude. But 10.45? Of course not.

PTAblues · 24/12/2014 10:22

You can leave when you like. People get headaches, get tired, get bored. Who cares. If she really does then she is an idiot.

Original poster
OhChristmasTimeTimeforWine · 24/12/2014 10:23

Thanks all, making me feel a lot better.

OP posts:
duplodancer · 24/12/2014 10:23

I would feel rude leaving a wedding before bride and groom. Even though I always want to Grin

19lottie82 · 24/12/2014 10:24

1045 is a perfectly reasonable time to leave. Ignore her.

My DHs parents came to our wedding, sank doubles all day then left at 830n without even saying goodbye!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 24/12/2014 10:26

What makes you think you might have upset her?

Mulderandskully · 24/12/2014 10:27

Leaving before the B&G being rude harks back to when they'd leave early for their honeymoon and do a bit of a production with a going away outfit etc. It's not the case now

Most weddings I've been to the B&G are still partying at 2,3,4am- would you really expect great aunt beryl to be up waiting for them
To retire? Grin