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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a friend's wedding 'early'?

56 replies

OhChristmasTimeTimeforWine · 24/12/2014 10:10

I think I have upset a friend by leaving her wedding early. When I say early I mean I left at 10.45pm. The wedding was scheduled to finish at midnight.

I don't have a 'valid' excuse to leave early, as in I am not pregnant and don't have a young child to get back to.

The reasons I left at 10.45 were because I had left the house at 6am to make the long journey to the wedding and had to make a 4/5 hour journey back home the next day. Also the wedding was last Friday and I still had loads of Christmas prep to do (we are hosting this year) plus I felt like I was coming down with a flu/cold and didn't want to stay up too late and party too hard and make myself ill for Christmas, so I took it easy at her wedding (i.e. not drinking much and leaving early).

Was I BU?

OP posts:
HoggleHoggle · 24/12/2014 10:27

YANBU. You travelled a long way to get there, stayed all day, and presumably joined in the fun whilst there wholeheartedly. It's a wedding not a prison camp, if the bride/groom notice when people are leaving then frankly they're not having a good enough time. People really do tend to put themselves out for weddings in terms of time and money and I think brides and grooms should be appreciative. People travelled a decent way for mine and if not staying overnight would have needed to leave at a certain time to get a train home...I was touched they came.

Legionofboom · 24/12/2014 10:29

I think it's fine to leave a wedding once the official stuff is over. Meal, speeches, cake cutting, first dance. Surely after that you've done your bit.

Has your friend mentioned you leaving early then?

Littleturkish · 24/12/2014 10:29

YANBU you said goodbye, wasn't even that early to leave. Ignore.

Nervo · 24/12/2014 10:29

Yes, the not leaving before the bride and groom dates back to when they left early. My Mum is still smarting about having to leave before the party really got going. Over 40 years later.

Agree, that you most certainly were not rude. Also agree that 10.45pm is not early.

HolyTerror · 24/12/2014 10:29

Nothing unreasonable about leaving when and as you did. We had to leave the last civil partnership we were at around 9.30 pm, because my elderly dad had been sitting with our toddler in a completely dark hotel room since he went to sleep, and it felt too grim to leave him there any longer.

BarbarianMum · 24/12/2014 10:32

I upset a friend in a similar way once for similar reasons - long journey, long day and was knackered Blush. I was sorry to have upset her but I don't think I was being unreasonable.

At my wedding dh and I kept going until 1am, some guests left earlier and the rest went clubbing after we'd gone. Everyone was happy and got the lack of sleep they needed.

timetoplay · 24/12/2014 10:33

YANBU but presumably you don't know you just think the bride is upset, so why not call and speak to her? She may have post wedding blue or be very stressed with work/christmas.

timetoplay · 24/12/2014 10:34

And i like your name, is it too early for mulled wine while i wrap presents?

Reekypear · 24/12/2014 10:38

She just got married, was probably off on honeymoon and she has enough head space to get upset you left early. Pathetic.

And thus nonsense about not leaving before the bride is frankly idiotic.

echt · 24/12/2014 10:41

Not sure why you've even posted this, OP, as the bride, by your account has not reacted at all, upset or otherwise.

PrincessOfChina · 24/12/2014 10:43

I left my wedding at about 12:30. I vaguely know who was left after us (our hardcore mates who had taken advantage of the free bar) but have no real idea what time people left who left before us. I have a feeling DD and PIL left at about 10 or so. Who knows!

TheHatInTheCat · 24/12/2014 11:11

Why do you think you've upset her?

SparkleZilla · 24/12/2014 11:38

how do you know you upset her? did you hear this from somewhere? did she throw daggers at you when you left? or are you just assuming?

dragdownthemoon · 24/12/2014 11:47

Wow, I was still in the hotel bar at 3am on my wedding day, so if it is considered rude to leave before the bride then all bar two of my guests were very unreasonable lol

YANBU, nothing wrong with leaving at 10.45. Surely the fact you attended is most important.

Gunpowder · 24/12/2014 11:53

I don't think you were unreasonable at all, but I would send her a text/email/note saying you thought she looked beautiful, the wedding was impossibly romantic and you were so sorry not to stay until the end but you were feeling really grotty and your bed was calling you, you hope she has a great honeymoon.

She prob has post party paranoia and thinks you left early because you thought wedding was crap or something. Smooth it over. Smile

BaffledSomeMore · 24/12/2014 11:56

Someone posted a while back about a friend who was furious with the op for saying she might need to leave early. Was that you?

lornathewizzard · 24/12/2014 11:59

Not rude or unreasonable at all. Nor do you need a valid excuse. And yes, another one here who was last to leave the hotel (with dh), despite being 6months pregnant!

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/12/2014 12:09

of course ywnbu.

Surely guests who have long trips to make to get there and back are excused from staying until everyone drops.

I think 10.45 when your exhausted and feeling crap is pretty good going tbh.

Babiecakes11 · 26/12/2014 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShadowKat · 26/12/2014 07:51

Unless you're leaving in the middle of the ceremony or wedding breakfast, of course it's not unreasonable to leave a wedding early without a valid excuse. Not that I'd class 10:45pm as "early".

And as for it being rude to leave the reception before the bride and groom - DH & I spent our wedding night in the hotel where we had the wedding reception. I don't think that's unusual these days. Most of our guests didn't stay at the venue and had to travel home. Consequently, DH and I were pretty much the last ones standing. Also, I (perhaps mistakenly?) thought it would be a bit rude for us to vanish up to our room while our guests were still around.

Anyway, I don't think a wedding guest needs to provide an excuse if they want to go home to bed at 10:45pm rather than midnight.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2014 07:55

You said goodbye to bride and groom and thanked them. No you're not bu.

sebsmummy1 · 26/12/2014 07:58

I would imagine good manners is to make your guests feel valued and enable them to have a great time celebrating with you. Poor manners would be to react badly to inconsequential things and make them feel guilty for, say leaving early due to tiredness/illness.

So if anyone could be accused of rudeness in this scenario it would be the B&G (assuming they gave a shiney shite that you left at 10.45pm)

limitedperiodonly · 26/12/2014 09:07

YANBU.

If we're going to be sticklers for for tradition they should have been carried shoulder high on chairs to their bedchamber and then you could have waited outside the door for the groom to produce the bloody sheets.

You'd probably get home in time for tea.

Cornettoninja · 26/12/2014 10:27

Not rude at all. 10.45pm while not exactly late for your average party isn't early either. Especially chucking in early starts and long drives either side of the wedding.

Has the bride/groom actually said anything? If they have they're dicks ignore, if it's something you've gleaned from others who gives a shit and if it's your own anxiety then try to put it out of your mind.

You were tired at night - anyone getting pissy about the natural inclination to need to sleep needs to give themselves a good talking to. It's not a dictatorship and people can decide their own bedtimes.

Sallyingforth · 26/12/2014 12:05

I think I have upset a friend by leaving her wedding early

Actually you didn't. The wedding was long finished.
10.45 seems a very reasoable time to leave a party, providing of course you see and thank the hosts before you go.

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