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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've been bitten by my parents dog twice

142 replies

Sapph1e · 24/12/2014 00:04

I know the title sounds straightforward, but it's not.

They have two dogs; one an aged spaniel and one 18 month old retriever. I also have my own dogs.

Back in the summer I was staying and both my parents' dogs started scrapping under the table. I raised my legs so I didn't get in the way and unfortunately my movement coincided with the younger dog savagely trying to bite the other dog. In no way did he mean to strike me, but he bit hard, straight down to the muscle and the pain was immense; I was debilitated for days (literally hobbling) and I have a scar. Anyway, it wasn't his fault and I didn't think any more of it.

Until yesterday when I stood up in the kitchen and he thought I was the other dog and bit me AGAIN. It's not as bad but again, I'm in a lot of pain and though it was a quick snap he obviously did it violently because the bruising is bad.

I'm used to dogs, I own two and I grew up with them and I have never been bitten before. I am not one to overreact but I have two children and I am petrified that he will do this again to one of them. He does not mean to bite one of us, that is certain, but on neither occasion did I do anything that remotely antagonised him. It was literally wrong place, wrong time. The dog in question thought he was snapping at another dog.

I feel uncomfortable but am I BU??? Do tell!

OP posts:

Original poster

Sapph1e · 24/12/2014 01:01

Oh, and just in case anyone missed it - he IS neutered. Has been since 6 months old. He's now 18 months. A white retriever. Who has an obsession about hanging to things with his mouth (coat sleeves, belts, tops, scarves, anything.)

OP posts:

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 24/12/2014 01:06

I.e. Short term - keep everyone completely safe. This dog is a real risk.

Long term - your parents ought to involve a registered behaviourist. He needs to be properly assessed. If he can be helped, it sounds like he will need experienced hands (and this will take time and everyone will continue to need safety measures in place). If not, there is only one option.

sykadelic · 24/12/2014 01:06

Guarding his food bowl - bad temperament
Growling aggressively at the other dog - bad temperament
Biting you hard enough to break skin & leave a scar - bad temperament

This dog would never be permitted in a kennel. If it was trying to be adopted out it would not be adoptable because it's got too many aggressive traits and would be put to sleep. If it only showed other dog aggression it would be a single dog family but the biting you hard enough to scar is bad.

That it didn't mean to bite you or not isn't the point. The point is it did. Hard enough to break skin... and your skin is thicker than a child's skin so I can't imagine the damage to your child. The simple truth is it's not a matter of IF your child is hurt, it's WHEN.

I would definitely speak to your parents about it and tell them the dog needs to be separated from family in some way. The dog is aggressive. They know it's aggressive. It might not mean to bite you, but it has. Why are they risking their grandchild's health and life? Dogs can KILL, not just maim. You shouldn't have to wait until then to be heard. If they refuse, you need to leave. It's not an over-reaction. Right now everyone is under-reacting.

If they don't see the risk of this dog around other people, especially a child, then I don't think much of their ability to assess risk. They know you don't hate dogs, but the dog has aggression issues and they should be able to see that.

These dogs aren't "scrapping", that dog is going to seriously injure the other dog, if not kill it, at some point... If you moving your legs suddenly resulted in that... just imagine!

GretnaGreen · 24/12/2014 01:08

I think it's really serious. I'm sorry, but the dog just sounds completely out of control and insanely bossy. He needs to live in a house with no other pets or small children. If he was my dog I would shut him in another room when guests were over and I would invest serious time in intensive training. If I was visiting your parents I wouldn't take my own dogs or children and I would have several feet between me and the dog at all times.

TheNoodlesIncident · 24/12/2014 01:08

OK, then:

I think it is extremely serious;
I would be seeking advice pronto and keeping the animal away from any other animals or people in the meantime.

I know an elderly lady who fosters dogs whose owners cannot keep them any more. The latest one bites people frequently. The elderly owner cannot see that this is a problem, although Royal Mail have fined her for bitten posties and will not deliver to her home any more (she has had to put a postbox on her gate) and one of the victims was a child. Apparently the bite to the child's face was the child's own fault for putting her face close enough to the dog to be bitten. The child is now justifiably terrified of dogs.

Biting dogs are extremely serious. I would be seeking advice even if my dog just growled at a child...

HansieLove · 24/12/2014 01:08

I feel sorry for the aged Spaniel. He probably gets bitten like this all the time, and that's not fair. I think the young one should be muzzled.

Think of this old dog. All is fine in his world, and then his owners get this young one who attacks him. Viciously. You call it scrapping. A mild term, but the fighting is not mild, it is vicious.

caroldecker · 24/12/2014 01:09

Again PTS, not a dog one can have around people. The risk is not worth it. Children die from dog attacks.

NormaCore · 24/12/2014 01:09

Can you ask to get the dog shut away in a room?

We had a similar experience with a Golden Retriever a few years back. We were looking after her for a friend and she became obsessed with an empty food bowl, growling at anyone who came near. Later that month she bit one of her owners, and they ended up putting her down.

I hope you are all ok.

Mydelilah · 24/12/2014 01:10

Saph1e I'm not sure I'm qualified to comment, as I'm not a dog fan (I'm quite scared of dogs and tend to steer clear) but I think in this situation I would expect the owners (your DPs) to understand my fears and keep the dog shut way while I was staying there with my DC. Particularly as you all love your children, and you have been badly bitten by the dog twice recently

I don't see why you should have to leave, and wreck Christmas for everyone, the issue could be simply resolved by shutting the dog in a separate room of the house.

I would not put my children in danger, and I would expect my DPs to respect that...

TheNoodlesIncident · 24/12/2014 01:11

Oh and the elderly owner has also stated to my MIL (who lives next door and has been bitten several times) "She's never bitten anyone but you!" Yeah sure.

HansieLove · 24/12/2014 01:16

You could go home and take the aged spaniel with you to give it a safe haven. And have your parents read this. They are not behaving reasonably. Poor old dog.

Blondiemama · 24/12/2014 03:04

I come from a family who breeds dogs and between us we have 7...3 are retrievers, 4 are spaniels and none have ever bitten anyone. It sounds like what some of the OPs have already suggested, this is a training issue. Did your parents take him to a puppy training class? They definitely need to take him to obedience classes and pronto.

Immediately, you need to be very very careful. Keep your dogs well away, in a separate room if poss and walk them separately too. Same goes with your DD. I would be very blunt with your parents and tell them that under no circumstances is DD to be left alone with the dog because a bite on her could be very very serious and if she had to be treated for it, there is a good chance that health professionals would suggest that the animal is put down. In the last year or so there has been a lot of media coverage about children being very seriously injured or killed by dogs so this is something tht is an issue.

No dog should ever bite and if 'you're the only one' not acceptable IMO. Just be very very careful over the holidays OP.

NCIS · 24/12/2014 04:36

I think it is serious, he is not showing bite inhibition at all. If he was mine, I would be mortified (as I would consider it my fault) and keep him apart from all visitors plus embarking on an intensive training programme with the help of professionals.

FWIW my trainer says January is one of her busiest months as Christmas makes people realise they have a problem with their dogs. It's a stressful time for us so it must be for dogs.

TheFourthLobster · 24/12/2014 04:46

He shouldn't be anywhere near children. PTS seems to be the only option, though I realise that is hard with it being your parents' dog.

simontowers2 · 24/12/2014 05:06

Ive had dogs 40 years, many types of breeds. I've taken on strays that have been aggressive but which i have managed to calm down with time and patience. I think the PTS brigade are being way OTT. Why not just lock the dog in a room or in the garden while you are there?

trufflesnout · 24/12/2014 05:07

So there are 3 dogs in the house OP? Yours, the spaniel & the one who has bitten?

I agree that bringing your dog into the mix was not a good idea, if you are stuck for the near future could you arrange kennel care locally for your dog?
I appreciate that it could just simply not be possible, in which case you need to get your parents to agree to separate the biter from the household - or if they refuse, separate your own dog.

But then you still have the issue of the biter being around the children. I would be arranging to leave asap after Christmas day.

Chottie · 24/12/2014 05:10

Please, please do not leave your DCs alone with these dogs for a single minute. This dog sounds very aggressive, how would you feel if your DC was bitten?

NetworkGuy · 24/12/2014 05:11

Is a muzzle an option? Not too late to buy one.

Not a dog owner here, a cat lover, but as a compromise, and so DD is safe while parents don't have to be given any ultimatums or dog banished to other room/ outside...

MaitlandGirl · 24/12/2014 05:28

Firstly - are you ok? Do you need medical treatment?

I agree with the pp's who have suggested a muzzle - in the short term it'd be an easier way to ensure everyone's safety (assuming of course someone can safely get close enough to put the muzzle on and take it off again).

Has the retriever been checked by a vet lately? He could be in pain or have dodgy eyes, which is leading him the bite. It's a pretty unlikely scenario but possible.

With the thinking that it's just scrapping type behaviour - my pitbull cross was having a very noisy argument with a cousins bull Arab cross (my dogs a pet only but the other dog is used for pigging so pretty feisty) and it sounded like they were killing each other. That's all it was though, noise (and lots of saliva) with a tiny bit of blood drawn when teeth caught on a ear flap. There is a big difference between scrapping and full on fighting but it sounds like that's what the retriever was intending with your leg.

If a muzzle isn't a viable option then there needs to be 2 closed doors between you/your DC/your dog and the retriever at all times. It's so easy for one door to get left open but two gives a bit more of a safety net.

financialwizard · 24/12/2014 06:13

As a dog owner I would say:

Behaviourist
Vet check

Head tester for your parents.

saintlyjimjams · 24/12/2014 06:19

What sunshine said. My dog (a mouthy retriever) gets fed up with my parents younger spaniel. He'll tell him off if he leaps all over him but he'll give him lots of warning (my parent's dog is a bit thick) & never actually bites - it's that bark/growl shove with the side of the head thing dogs do. I agree it is worrying that he seems unable to inhibit a bite - even with another dog. He shouldn't be biting other dogs that hard. He also sounds possessive which is problematic.

Having said that my retriever went through a nervous stage age 18 months & I had to keep a very close eye & do some more training. He didn't do anything nasty but was very uncomfortable around children (except my own) & was possessive if other dogs took his ball. That calmed down after 6 months (maybe less) - but during that time I was very strict about unknown children not approaching him & talking to them about his body language & I took him out of any situations where he might get funny about a ball. (Now if a dog takes his ball he just follows them around until they drop it & move away). I then read about a second fear period at that age?

I think they need a behaviourist using positive reinforcement & an assessment & discussion around his lack of bite inhibition. That is worrying.

londonrach · 24/12/2014 07:30

Sorry only one answer in this situation.

Whocansay · 24/12/2014 07:41

Don't put your children in harm's way. I hate the 'well he's never bittern anyone before' bullshit. He has now. Twice. He should be dealt with accordingly.

Make a stand and rock the boat. It may be fine, but you'll be tense throughout Christmas and if it bites one of your children you'll be devastated.

FilbertSnood · 24/12/2014 08:12

It's hard because people are very blinkered about their dogs... So what you need is a vet / behaviourist (or someone else neutral - can you think of someone?) to explain to your parents how serious the biting incidents are.

Muzzle or separate dog from everyone while you are there is the immediate solution.

I think you do need to talk to your parents about it because it needs dealing with immediately. I have two dogs and I would be incredibly concerned about a dog doing this.

FuckyNellItsChristmas · 24/12/2014 08:13

Will no one think of the children???!!!!

Come on sapphie, you're not going and that's that.

Listen to the mumsnet massive

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