Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to be annoyed that we haven't been given presents in return?

82 replies

LeFrenchDilemma · 23/12/2014 15:46

Dropped Christmas presents off at SILs today. Bought for her, her boyfriend, her ex husband (who this time last year was still with her so is still involved in family), her 3 kids (our niece/nephews) and the baby she is 5 months pregnant with.

We won't be seeing her again before Christmas and the only thing we got in return was a Christmas card. Nothing was mentioned about presents. She has plenty of money, in fact they just sold their home for a whacking profit. And I noticed she has bought for her new boyfriends nieces and nephews.

We still don't have Christmas presents from last year - apparently they were in her shed and she 'just needed to dig them out' - considering she's cleared out the shed since then for a house move I'm guessing the presents 'got lost'. BIL and his kids managed to get presents from her though and she had the nerve to complain the gifts she got from him return only cost a couple of quid despite the fact he'd just lost his job.

I know you don't give you receive, and I'm not fussed about getting a present myself, neither is DH, however our DD has gone another year without a gift from her aunty. her children are 2, 10 and 13 and we have bought decent gifts every year since they were born. My DD is almost 2 and whilst she won't know any different it still irks me to think she's thought so little of.

AIBU to be pissed off that our DD has missed out on yet another Christmas gift and we have just got a card?

OP posts:

Holdthepage · 23/12/2014 16:24

Just stop buying for her & her family. You didn't receive anything last year so she clearly doesn't want to buy you anything. The digging them out of the shed excuse is pathetic.

ihatethecold · 23/12/2014 16:28

I have relatives on my dh side that do this for my kids birthdays.
We always buy their children a bday present.
It does piss me off.
They will mention a few times that they've got them a voucher or some money then forget about it.
It's not fair.

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 23/12/2014 18:14

It can't play with toys though Something, can it.

oswellkettleblack · 23/12/2014 18:21

Don't buy for her or the kids next year. Just a card.

maddening · 23/12/2014 18:25

Your husband would not be unreasonable to at least enquire with his sister about presents for your dc.

Lucyandpoppy · 23/12/2014 19:10

I think you did go a little overboard with presents this year, especially seeing as she didn't reciprocate last year. I'd let it go and just buy for the kids next year.

Btw I personally think it is sweet to buy for 'the bump' I'm 5 months pregnant and certainly wouldn't expect a gift for the bump but it is a nice thought :)

simbacatlivesagain · 23/12/2014 19:13

Your husband would not be unreasonable to at least enquire with his sister about presents for your dc.

You dont give just to receive. If you are happy to give then that is fine- just dont expect anything in return. If you are not happy not to receive then stop giving.

clam · 23/12/2014 19:16

If you appear to have a reciprocal arrangement for buying gifts at Christmas, then it is not at all unreasonable to wonder why you've given some, but have not received any back.

Only on MN would people pile in with "you're being entitled and are over-invested in someone else's life."

Iggi999 · 23/12/2014 19:17

Even if you drop it down to "just for the kids" that's still you buying 4 presents next year and them buying zero!

londonrach · 23/12/2014 19:20

Something funny i think everyone knows that but the one time i was prepared and bought a jellykitten elephant that sang when you pulled its tail the baby died 2 days prior to due date. Therefore i refuse i buy any cards or presseies. If ever i am lucky enough to get pregnant i will be buying nothing until the last few weeks. Sorry i just dont want to bring bad luck. The elephant by the way was given away to a charity shop. It felt wrong to keep it. X

soverylucky · 23/12/2014 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZenNudist · 23/12/2014 19:28

Yabu as you have gone OTT buying for them and they didn't get for you last year. If someone mentions a pressie but it's out of reach or otherwise AWOL it's just an embarrassed excuse.

You could always text and ask straight out if she is planning on buying for your dd? If you're brave you can point out she's had 13 years at least to object to buying dc presents from aunts and uncles.

She sounds stingey and I understand you being annoyed but I'd have asked if she wanted to exchange gifts this year before you bought.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/12/2014 19:28

I'd definitely suggest no more presents next year. Perhaps bring it up in early January on the basis you're planning your budget for the year or doing some shopping in the sales. Then confirm the plan in November.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 19:29

Yanbu, you bought too many presents, even for a baby that is nit born yet! Don't buy next year, just the kids if you have to.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 19:30

Just get them what they get you and your dcs.

MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat · 23/12/2014 19:31

Next year just discuss or email with her and ask' are we doing presents this year?' If she says yes but then doesn't produce anything you can get properly cross. She sounds mean. If you end up buying for her dc, I'd make it something very token then maybe take them out one day to do something you can enjoy together.

GahLinDah · 23/12/2014 19:32

Buying a baby gro for an as yet unborn baby won't effect it's outcome. I hate all that woo, 'tempting fate' crap. We've sadly lost two babies in my close family to stillbirth, it would have happened if we had bought a toy or not.

Sorry, it's one of those things that bugs me, and it can place guilt on people that oughtn't to feel any.

OP I'd go with what others have said, stop buying for the adults.

Cooki3Monst3r · 23/12/2014 19:38

I have to say after last year I certainly wouldn't have bought anything this year. She sounds horrible.

I would definitely not get her, or her boyfriends, anything ever again.

Do you get thank you's for the presents you buy her DCs? If not, I'd use that as a damn good excuse to stop buying for the kids too.

And buying for a bump is absolutely normal!! I have done this on more than one occasion and had it done for me. Thinking this is 'freaky' is bloody well freaky in itself!

Fuckmath · 23/12/2014 19:41

Just don't buy for her.

I would be a bit put out by this tbh. She sound a right madam.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 23/12/2014 19:44

Just buy a tin of chocolates for the entire family next year and then nothing for the Christmases after that.

Rebecca2014 · 23/12/2014 19:44

I would have learnt from last year and brought her nothing. Lesson learnt now yeah?

Lymmmummy · 23/12/2014 19:58

YANBU - but you are contibruting to the situation by playing along with this unfair situation by continuing to buy presents you probably know will not be reciprocated. As others suggested grit your teeth this year then next year ether ask up front whether you will be buying gifts for each other or just buy for DC and unless you are very close buy them a cheaper gift - it's amazing what you can get around the £5-10 mark - and if she sneers - so what - who is she that her opinion is so important??

CwtchesAndCuddles · 23/12/2014 20:10

The freaky thing for me is that you bought a gift for her ex husband ?????

Original poster

LeFrenchDilemma · 23/12/2014 20:17

cwtches they were married for 10 years and only split up in May, he's had a rough year with the split (she left him for new boyfriend) and is close to the family still. I checked in October with SIL if it was wierd to buy him a gift and she said go for it as will cheer him up, everyone else in family is. he bought for DD this year too so would have felt mean if if left him out.

OP posts:

CrapBag · 23/12/2014 21:12

That's lovely that her ex bought for your dd. Shame her aunt can't extend the same courtesy.

YANBU. Don't buy for her next year and if she brings it up, point out that she didn't bother 2 years in a row so you assumed you weren't doing presents.

Flip

1 2 3 4