AIBU to be upset with Bil and Sil over Christmas Day visiting.

[lk26]

On Xmas Eve we are travelling with our young daughter to spend christmas with the in laws who all live 150 miles away. We will be staying at Pil and my Bil and Sil live in next village 2 miles away.
After a phone call today it now transpires we shan't be seeing our Bil and Sil and niece and nephew at all during our visit. Xmas day is apparently reserved solely for Sil family and we are not to visit. !
Am quite upset as our daughter won't see her cousins at Xmas despite being just 2 miles away. We won't see our niece and nephew at Xmas either.
For 2 yrs out of the last 5 I have done a huge family Xmas for all my in laws. Hosted for 3 days. Given up my bed. Catered for extensive food allergies and run myself ragged to make them all have a special Xmas and now they can't find time to see us Xmas day ! Grrrrr

OP you are allowed to vent, vent away! Once people have taken umbrage on this page it's a lost cause, but I can see where you're coming from. You are getting a hard time but looking at purely the facts YANBU to expect them to make ten minutes for you during your visit

Not sure if I've missed something, so just to clarify, you are travelling 150 miles to see pil's who are then buggering off to ds and sil for Christmas Day?
Are you cooking for yourself?
I say stay put, don't go. I actually think yanbu and they are very rude. To not be able to spare an hour to see you is unreasonable!

Sorry, I read your post completely wrong and now have to back track.
Sounds like your sil just wants a chance to spend some time with her own family. I see my dh's family all the time and hardly ever see mine. So it would be lovely to have one Christmas with just mine.
It's a bit odd that she won't even agree to seeing you at all, but I'd just let it go.

I am very much liking the 'let it go' thing. You're right, you need too. My dc's are a bit cheesed off their grandad isn't coming to ours on Christmas day but they'll get over it. Me I'm thrilled to Fuck he isn't but that's a whole different story

I reckon either:

• something else going on (e.g. last year i was struggling with MH issues which even my closest friends didn't really know about, we saw no-one apart from my mum for whole hols)
• it wasn't arranged properly - i.e. you've just had the phone call - you shouldn't assume people can fit you in - your DH didn't speak to his sister to arrange it at the outset.
• SIL has had inlaws living in her pockets all year, last 3 Christmasses in other people's homes and has already posted on here saying "is it not ok just to have Xmas Day to ourselves just this once?"

Fair enough to be disappointed - I would be too - can you not get up for an hour on Xmas Eve?.

Possibly your sil feels like uou do that the inlaws take over and this is her way of saying "I have a family too!!". She probably sees more of her inlaws than she wants and knows if she makes excuses for one lot they'll all be in on top of her.

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. Your DD will be fine if she doesn't see her cousins - I'm sure she will have plenty to keep her busy.

I can totally understand your BIL and SIL decision. They probably just want a quiet relaxing xmas day where they don't have to bother with any hosting - I know they are having the SILs parents over but that may not feel like 'hosting' iykwim

I know you say you would only go for an hour and that you don't want any food but realistically that wouldn't be how it would actually work would it??

It's just not convienient for you to visit - there is no need or reason for you to take offence but you are choosing to do so. It's a shame.

If your DD wants to see her cousins why not just arrange another trip for a time that suits everyone.

YABVU.
Your sil is taking a turn to spend Christmas day with her own family, as she spent last year with you. Thats how most families work.
You are being inflexible around your leaving times. So what makes your time more important than hers ?
Why on earth have you not chatted about all this when plans were being made At that point you could have all arranged a suitable time to spend some time together.
you are coming across as very entitled, that everyone ought to fit in with your very limited time you are condescending to give them.

Why don't you suggest a walk Boxing Day morning - just you, your DH, DD and BIL, SIL and niece and nephew (not the PILs) - then brunch somewhere then say you have to get off at 2pm at the latest or whatever time?

YABU

I don't think your SIL is being rude in the slightest.

They have other plans this year, after several years with you. You weren't invited to join their plans. You invited yourself. They politely explained it won't be possible.

Now you are fuming and taking it as a personal slight.

Stop cutting off your nose to spite your face.