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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to take back this present for Mil..

77 replies

honeypie10 · 22/12/2014 23:08

In september mil told me she wanted to buy ds a tablet (he's 2). I told her she can buy him what he likes but he may not appreciate something like that till nexy year or year after - thinking she meant along the lines of a leap pad type one.

The weekend later Dp visits and tell me when he got home shes gone and bought him a samsung one from toys r us (we have a samsung one already, she knows this yet still got another anyway) I wouldn't have bought him a tablet at all myself, dp feels the same, so anyway dp says it would be better to change it to a more age appropriate one, I even offered as i was going past the store the same weekend, she said shed lost the receipt so she would go herself and explain she needed to change it we showed her the type to get on the website but Mil is of the generation where she is terrified to take things back, my dads the same.

I've just come home from their house and they were talking about christmas and what father christmas was going to bring ds, he's obviously a bit young so hasnt really got a clue whats going on, then she announces what she plans to do is to put wrap it up to give him something on christmas day but will give me the receipt so I can take it back. This was the first we knew, she's had 3 months to take a 15 minute drive into town and swap the thing that we didnt even want in the first place.

I told her if thats what she planned dont even give it to him in the first place, as soon as he sees it he will want it, so just don't give him it until shes swapped it, she seems to think as I offered 3 months ago that offer is still open... Dp thinks im being a bit mean and said she just struggles taking things back, but I dont see why I should. aibu? I cant see how I am.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 08:47

I totally agree notquiterural, my DH is a computer programmer and says the same thing. The apps for Apple are much better than android. We have some fantastic educational apps for the kids on my old I pad, they have really learned from them, see it as another educational tool not satans rod of fire

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 08:48

Keep it and buy a kids cover for it and download some educational apps.

Quitelikely · 23/12/2014 08:53

Take the emotion out of it.

Someone is giving your son a very nice gift. A gift he will be able to use a lot in the coming years. Just accept it and say thank you. Then let him use it when you think the time is right.

I know she didn't do what you wanted or asked but you don't get to rule others. She's an adult and made what she believed was a kind and appropriate decision.

Let it go and enjoy your Xmas

scarletforya · 23/12/2014 09:20

My dd 2.5 is getting a tablet. An inexpensive one with parental controls and a nice sturdy cover.

Tablets are everywhere, kids can use them for so many age appropriate things. It just needs a bit of common sense.

It's just another toy really. If your mil wants to top it every year let her. It'll bring her and your dd so much joy. You won't be short of ideas of things to buy, don't worry.

Yoruba · 23/12/2014 09:27

My mum has also bought my dcs a tablet, they are 2 and 5 and will love it. I'll buy a nice sturdy cover and some decent apps and think them very lucky children.

Seriously, think of it in a nice way. Your ds will get some trains and things from others, how lucky is he to have got such a lovely gift as well!! I know there are all kinds of emotions muddled in with family, but if you see it just for what it is, a fab gift, then you might feel happier? It's Christmas. Say thanks to your mil, she's just trying her best.

Yoruba · 23/12/2014 09:29

If your mil wants to top it every year let her. It'll bring her and your dd so much joy. You won't be short of ideas of things to buy, don't worry.

Also this. How lucky to have a mil who buys the expensive things! Will be great when he needs a new scooter, bike etc!

Branleuse · 23/12/2014 09:35

what a lovely generous present. I bet she feels shit now though

pinkisthenewpink · 23/12/2014 10:01

I can understand exactly where you are coming from. A tablet is unnecessary for a 2 year old. The kiddy ones may be not as great but all the content is age appropriate and they are (virtually) unbreakable!

Saying that, with the time available (toysrus 2 days before christmas?!! Err....no thanks!) and the fact that toys r us are very stringent on their returns policies I'd just go with your mil's present. It's not worth getting in a bother over. Your DS will love the tablet. There are great age appropriate apps and the leappad ones are quite limited in shelf life. It's all moving towards tablets in my son's infant school too, so he'll be ahead of the game! If it gets broken then it gets broken. And when he's not using it (most of the time) you and your DP get use of a second tablet!

I'd also clear the air (if there's any air to clear) with your MIL and say thanks, it's a really generous present and he'll love it. We were just had a more kiddy friendly one in our mind when you mentioned it, and were worried it would get broken. We've found there are lots of great apps and we'll get a hard wearing case. Here....have some mulled wine!

I completely get how annoying this is. Drives you bonkers but it's not worth getting stressed about. Big picture.....accept the gift, let annoyance wash over you, enjoy lovely christmas without stress and angst!

MangoBiscuit · 23/12/2014 11:41

Hmm, while I can easily see the points of many of the PPs, I think I too would be a little annoyed in the OPs shoes. Regardless of what the actual present is, OPs MIL admits that she's bought the wrong gift. OP offered to exchange it for her, MIL declined. Now 3 months later, MIL hasn't bothered to do anything about it, so wants to give her DGC a present to open and get excited about, but not keep, and wants to give the OP an out of date receipt in the hope that she can still manage to exchange it, squarely dumping the issue (and her DGC's potential disappointment) on the OP and wiping her hands of it. If MIL wasn't planning on letting OPs DS keep the gift, she shouldn't give it. If she wanted to change it, she should have done so sooner, or taken the OP up on her offer at the time.

I think the whole "is a tablet suitable for a 2yo" issue is a bit of a red herring.

As it is, I would politely refuse the receipt, accept the present graciously, with many thanks, and take up some of the good advice that's already been posted, and let your son enjoy a very generous gift. If your MIL bought a gift for your DS that she truly thinks he'll love, but was responding to your disappointment in her choice of gift by offering the receipt, then you'll be doing the reasonable thing, and not trying to be overly controlling. If your MIL truly thinks she bought the wrong thing, but was hoping she could drop it on you, and you'd just fix it for her, then you won't be enabling her.

grocklebox · 23/12/2014 13:01

MIL only says she got the wrong gift because OP told her mil it was wrong and basically told her to take it back.

You should have just said thank you very much, how kind. There are so many of these awful threads, does nobody have basic manners any more?

SparkleZilla · 23/12/2014 13:41

I'm in the i think YABU - its a gift, shes bought it, and by the sounds of it cant understand why she cant give it to him. Get a good case and let the little guy play with it. there are plently of games/activities he can use, even down to using it as a nightlight, or use it to read with him

you dont have to 'fix anything' and yes it might be 'unnecessary' but its your MILs money and thats what she has chosen to buy from him. What difference does it make to you in actuality?

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 23/12/2014 14:01

I told her she can buy him what he likes but he may not appreciate something like that till nexy year or year after

I think that was your mistake really - you should have made it clear then if you felt so strongly against it (which FWIW I would be at that age) or at least clarified that she meant a children's one, suggested a particular brand etc, rather than just assuming. It's a bit unfair that you basically said she could go ahead despite your reservations, and then went back on it.

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 16:31

It only needs to go back OP because you're making a fuss about it. You're saying a leapfrog one would be ok? Why? Buy him a skin for it with a frog on it then!

If you'd have accepted graciously, which is the right thing to do, then taking it back is neither here nor there!

You are very very ungrateful. And i'm not being rude, just pointing out your total lack of awareness in this all.

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 16:32

You should have just said thank you very much, how kind. There are so many of these awful threads, does nobody have basic manners any more?

Agree completely. The poor MIL - trying to do a nice thing!

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 16:34

all the content is age appropriate

What? Is this for real?

pinkisthenewpink · 23/12/2014 16:59

I guess bamboo you've picked on my message. And absolutely 'for real'! A leap pad or similar only has games which are aimed at children with well specified age brackets. A tablet has access to the internet. And random button pressing of a two year old could potentially lead to anywhere.

Tbh I'm not sure of your point bamboo. Are you against age appropriate content?

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 17:54

It's called parental controls! They can't access anything you don't want them to access.

I wouldn't let my 10 year old go on any device unless I knew what he was on and I could monitor it at all times.

You don't need a leap pad to do this.

RattieBagTheOldHag · 23/12/2014 18:20

OP, my advice is to stop worrying about this kind of thing. It's not worth the headspace. Let her give your DS what she wants and then either let your DS use it or don't let him use it. I wouldn't even bother suggesting anything specific unless I was really pressed into it and even then I'd leave it too your DH. It's his Mum after all.

My DH deals with his family and I deal with mine. It's much easier and helps us all get on with each other.

pinkisthenewpink · 23/12/2014 23:28

Bamboo.....yes, of course, there are use parental controls on tablets to try and control access to unsuitable things. But sometimes unsuitable content is from a perfectly innocuous site that is just not age appropriate, and would pass a parental filter.

For example, a friend's child typed in war (part of homework) and on images was faced with perfectly normal images together with some quite graphic images and was very upset by it.

Obviously a 2 yo will be more random and might never encounter this situation. But Leap pad has very, very limited access to the internet (as I understand no experience personally), which is one of the reasons cited for their limited shelf life as children get older.

atticusclaw · 23/12/2014 23:43

What is it with this place today?!

"My husband has bought me expensive diamond earnings and I don't like them what should I do?!"

"My MIL has bought DS a tablet and didn't return it when we were ungrateful and told her it was wrong."

Leaving aside the fact that it's ridiculous to give two year olds tablets, particularly their own, does nobody have any manners anymore?

People buy presents to bring joy to recipient. If someone buys you a present whether it's a crap present or a great present, you should be grateful that they thought enough of you to do so. Thank her for the tablet and say as follows
"actually MIL now that I've thought about it I'm sorry if we seemed ungrateful. It's a lovely, generous present and he's going to get a lot of use out of it. Thank you so much."

HansieLove · 23/12/2014 23:52

Forget the leap pad. They have been surpassed greatly by iPads. Plus the leap pads don't work well. I know, I got them for GC several years ago. I think the two year old will love it. There are puzzles, animated stories, learning apps. Just get a good rubber cover for it now so you are all ready. One app the little ones love is going into a store and making shakes with sound effects. Or they bake cupcakes. I like Nighty Night where the narrator says good night to all the animals, and the child turns off the light in each room. The reader is an elderly English gent with a lovely voice.

DancingDinosaur · 23/12/2014 23:59

Tablets are loads better than leap pads. Get a sturdy cover for it, an otterbox or something. Leap pad games are expensive and limited. Your ds will get loads more out of a tablet, the apps are cheaper and you can do loads more with it. I wouldn't waste money on a leap pad.

GazpachoSoup · 24/12/2014 00:11

The OP clearly states she doesn't want MIL buying a tablet at the age of 2 as it's not going to be appreciated yet.
What's not to understand?!
It's obvious if a toddler sees a toy that they unwrap then they're going to want to keep it.
OP is sooo not BU at all.
DP comes to visit? What's that all about as well? I think the OP is well within the rights to know what is right for their child if they're the main provider. Apologies if I've read that wrong.

GlitterBelle · 24/12/2014 04:53

DP comes to visit? What's that all about as well?

He was visiting his mum.

DamnBamboo · 24/12/2014 08:12

If appropriate parental controls are in place, no unwanted content can ever be seen.
It is not hard to set it up this way, and should be the default when young children are involved anyway.

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