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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to take back this present for Mil..

77 replies

honeypie10 · 22/12/2014 23:08

In september mil told me she wanted to buy ds a tablet (he's 2). I told her she can buy him what he likes but he may not appreciate something like that till nexy year or year after - thinking she meant along the lines of a leap pad type one.

The weekend later Dp visits and tell me when he got home shes gone and bought him a samsung one from toys r us (we have a samsung one already, she knows this yet still got another anyway) I wouldn't have bought him a tablet at all myself, dp feels the same, so anyway dp says it would be better to change it to a more age appropriate one, I even offered as i was going past the store the same weekend, she said shed lost the receipt so she would go herself and explain she needed to change it we showed her the type to get on the website but Mil is of the generation where she is terrified to take things back, my dads the same.

I've just come home from their house and they were talking about christmas and what father christmas was going to bring ds, he's obviously a bit young so hasnt really got a clue whats going on, then she announces what she plans to do is to put wrap it up to give him something on christmas day but will give me the receipt so I can take it back. This was the first we knew, she's had 3 months to take a 15 minute drive into town and swap the thing that we didnt even want in the first place.

I told her if thats what she planned dont even give it to him in the first place, as soon as he sees it he will want it, so just don't give him it until shes swapped it, she seems to think as I offered 3 months ago that offer is still open... Dp thinks im being a bit mean and said she just struggles taking things back, but I dont see why I should. aibu? I cant see how I am.

OP posts:

magpieginglebells · 23/12/2014 07:11

I would get a sturdy case and use it. Personally I think it's rude to ask someone to return a gift. Even if it's something you don't think is ideal it is very generous.

HSMMaCM · 23/12/2014 07:19

I agree with give him your old one and have the new one for yourself.

Camolips · 23/12/2014 07:25

Bin it? Charity shop it? Wtf? And yes, the right to a refund is a relatively new thing for us oldies. If clothes didn't fit, tough. If an item was faulty you could plead and maybe you would get a credit note. Notices in shop windows specified what they did or didn't do. So it was scary trying to get money back, sometimes you could negotiate half. I still don't like returning things, I get dp to do it. I remember being told to get lost once when I wanted to exchange an item of clothing that had a button missing M&S was the first shop I remember where you could get your money back, no questions asked, it seemed amazing at the time!

Blu · 23/12/2014 07:25

Your Mil has had mixed messages from you. First you told her she can buy what she likes (but age appropriate better) , and then that you would take it back. She bought what she liked and now you won't take it back.

It would be a big shame to let this cause a big unpleasant upset. Either you or your DH help her take it back nicely, or else just give it to him (put your old protective case on it later) and let him enjoy it as she intended. You are obviously not against him playing on a tablet as he uses yours, it's her money, and you can then have free use of your tablet again.

Original poster

honeypie10 · 23/12/2014 07:59

Just to clarify I've never told her what to buy him, she chose the tablet idea, Id rather not get him one as someone else said above I think well what do you buy him next year to try and top that.

All I asked was that she make it age appropriate as she doesn't seem to think about his age, for his 1st birthday she bought him a blow up pirate tent aged 7 upwards, so I get that she doesnt remember what toddlers are into and thats why she asks me to suggest some things he would like. I wasnt demanding she get a refund, Dp just said "oh i thought you would have got the childs one at least" and thats when she realised she'd been and got the wrong one. I can see her thinking in getting him one though, he loves to play with our phones, does colouring in and likes to take pictures, but just feel a bit weird about a 2 year old having his own tablet, but a leap pad type one would make more sense.

I don't think I'm giving her mixed messages either, I offered to take it back on the basis I was going that same weekend, she said no its ok she would do it.

I'm failing to see how its now my responsibility to do this now just because I offered once 3 months ago, She bought it, she knew she had picked up the wrong one within a week and has done nothing about it since. It will genuinely go to waste as he doesn't play on the one we have now that much. I couldn't just sell it, she will ask him every single time oh where's your tablet gone, so couldn't just get rid.

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 08:02

YABVU and really quite rude.
Dear god woman, listen to yourself.

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 08:03

Id rather not get him one as someone else said above I think well what do you buy him next year to try and top that

Then you lack creativity and also don't really understand children if all you think they want year on yea is ever increasingly powerful electronic gear.

Why can't he watch the odd episode of CBEEBIES on it, or play the odd CBEEBIE game?

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 08:05

but just feel a bit weird about a 2 year old having his own tablet, but a leap pad type one would make more sense

Why? A tablet is a tablet? So if it's green with a frog on it, it's ok? You do realise you can customise these things don't you. YOu aren't bothered about him having a tablet, it's about him having the tablet you want - rather than the one she bought! That's the crux of it. Your poor maligned MIL

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 08:06

It will genuinely go to waste as he doesn't play on the one we have now that much

You don't think that as he gets older, this will change?

PecanNut · 23/12/2014 08:16

Your MIL sounds a bit naïve, but well meaning... after all she is buying her grandson a nice present and did ask beforehand.

I think your DH (not you) should have managed the situation better back in September.

If I were you I'd just give him the tablet with parental controls and bumper cover.

Or if you're too late to return it you could sell on ebay.

avocadotoast · 23/12/2014 08:18

They're not going to take it back if it was bought 3 months ago. I doubt they'd have taken it anyway, places can be weird about electricals.

I'd sell it but tell MIL that's what you're doing (or maybe check with her first that it's ok). I think it sounds like she was trying to do a nice thing but just got it a bit wrong. Mountain out of a molehill really...

Yoruba · 23/12/2014 08:22

Sorry op I think YABU.

I agree with damnbamboo - why is a leapfrog one ok but this one not? Samsung one will be better! The apps are 70p and so many more of them, the leap pad ones are £10+ each. Just buy a sturdy cover. Tablets are great for kids, so many interesting educational things to do.

Also, you don't need to get a better present each year you know, whether or not he gets the tablet.

Accept it with good grace and let your ds enjoy it.

Original poster

honeypie10 · 23/12/2014 08:24

Damnbamboo And I'm the rude one? If you read the title all I'm asking is that its not my responsibility to take it back.

She has admitted she got the wrong one, she wants to swap it, just wont actually go and do it.

Then you lack creativity and also don't really understand children if all you think they want year on yea is ever increasingly powerful electronic gear. Its not me buying the thing its Mil. she will try to top this each and every year.

Why can't he watch the odd episode of CBEEBIES on it, or play the odd CBEEBIE game because we have cbeebies on the tv and the other tablet. he's hardly going without is he??

It will genuinely go to waste as he doesn't play on the one we have now that much- You don't think that as he gets older, this will change?

So get him a grown up version at that point. Maybe you dont have toddlers/ children but at 2 years old and as others have agreed with me he does not need his own Tablet. Yes i can see her logic as he plays on it now and again, but why has she overlooked everything else he plays with and just gone for the expensive present to look good.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 08:26

I would say thanks and keep it for when he's older.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 08:28

Or do suggest to mum if she gives him the receipt he will exchange for her.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 08:29

My ds nearly 3 does play with my I pad1, I gave a fisher price indestructible cover that I bought from John Lewis.

Eminybob · 23/12/2014 08:31

You think that's age inappropriate? My mil has told me she's bought DS maths books for Xmas. He's 5 months

zippey · 23/12/2014 08:34

Where is your spirit of Christmas? Just be thankful that your mil is generous and has bought your child a lovely gift - though it may not be what you would have bought. She isn't you though. I wonder if Mary and Joseph raised an eyebrow when they received non age appropriate gifts from the three kings?

Let it go, customise the tablet, get age appropriate apps for the tablet, your child will love it!

notquiteruralbliss · 23/12/2014 08:38

YABU. And quite unkind. Though there seems to be a theme on Mumsnet of treating grandparents as idiots who would run amok if mot kept under control. Your MIL was trying to be nice. Why on earth should she have to return the present she chose. Maybe it is because I work in tech and many of my co-workers DCs have iPads at 1 or 2 years old but I don't see what is wrong with 2yo having a tablet. Just put age appropriate content on it (you will have access to a huge range of educational / fun apps) and a sturdy cover.

differentnameforthis · 23/12/2014 08:38

I would much rather this than a leap pad. You can get lots of apps for him that he can play/learn with & as he grows he can adapt them.

My dd2 has a leap pad. They are restrictive, the games are expensive & they go through batteries at a rate of knots. You can get a power adapter, but that relies on the child being quite close to an electrical outlet & I have only ever seem them as a separate purchase.

It isn't something I would buy a 2yr old, but I wouldn't refuse it as a gift!

Fanfeckintastic · 23/12/2014 08:38

I don't get the big deal at all, my MIL got DD a leap pad tablet last Christmas when she was 2.5 and I thought she was far too young to be glued to a screen so when the battery when I just put it away and she got to play with her dozens of other toys, didn't bat an eyelid. I've bought her a game for it this Christmas and it'll make a return. No need to get yourself wound up.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/12/2014 08:39

yabu. Kids tablets are seriously shit.

I pads and Samsung are much better and yiu cab get loads of free kids apps that are educational and fun.

tablets are really easy to use

I'd take it over a vtech or leapfrog any day tbh.

DixieNormas · 23/12/2014 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 23/12/2014 08:45

I really think you should listen to yourself as well. You're making a big deal out of nothing.

He's 2.. It doesn't matter. Put the dammed thing in a cupboard and use it next year or if yours breaks.

It's not important just stop.

gamerchick · 23/12/2014 08:47

Actually it's probably too late. Your mil is going to feel like crap giving it now anyway.

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