To think that some women have an awful time on the postnatal ward

[elliejjtiny]

This isn't a slag off the midwives thread. In my case the midwives were perfectly lovely and kind, just very overworked.

My 2 experiences on the postnatal ward with DS4 (now 18m) and DS5 (now 6m) were horrible. I had caesareans both times and both babies were in NICU, although DS5 came and joined me on the ward for the last 3 days. Once my catheter was out I had to make my own breakfast, fetch other meals and drinks from the ward kitchen, take expressed milk down what felt like endless corridors to NICU every 4 hours and sterilize all the bottles, pump bits etc. I didn't have DH with me as he was looking after the DC's or any visitors who stayed more than 5 minutes. I could have really done with some tlc in my vulnerable and hormonal state. And some decent painkillers. I wasn't allowed morphine after the catheter came out because it made me wobbly, just paracetamol and ibubrofen. I take more than that for period pains.

But when I talk about it I get told that it didn't happen or that I'm being negative or exaggerating. It makes me feel like I'm going mad. So come and tell me your awful postnatal ward stories so that I know I'm not alone.

In my experience, midwives want the glory of delivering babies but do not give two hoots about the aftercare of mums. It is almost like nursing is not in their job description.

Unfortunately midwives no longer 'have' to do nursing first. As a nurse who also works in obstetric theatres, we can always spot the midwives who are nurses as well a mile off.

Re aftercare, as pp have said, all hospital wards are ridiculously short staffed these days and there are reams and reams of paperwork that has to be done or else (even more so in maternity care) so the few staff that there are are stretched to breaking point.

No one (not even midwives ) come into this job to treat their patients like this. We want time to be able to care for them, not just do paperwork.

OP, have you had a meeting with the head of midwifery at the hospita to discuss your poor care? It might help you, but may also help others if something can be changed...

I had a similar bad experience.

The midwives were impatient and short with me, and one was downright rude, telling me that if I couldn't get up myself, I had no right to a private room (that I had been allocated, I didn't ask for it) and the midwives had better things to be doing than run around after me when I buzzed them to get Dd from her cot (first because I was paralysed from the waist down, then when I got the feeling back I was in too much pain to move much). They didn't bring me food when I asked, I spent the first night without anything to eat or much to drink (just one glass of squash) as I had missed the meal time.

But by far the worst thing they did was lose (or forget about) the part of my notes that told them of my gestational diabetes. Luckily I had been keeping an eye on my sugar levels as it was just habit by then. But they failed to monitor DD's blood sugar levels too. She was fine, but it could have been really dangerous, especially as she didn't feed well to begin with.

While on the whole my experience was positive, I did have one WTF moment after my section. I felt very faint and woozy after the op, but after the catheter was removed was ordered to go have a shower - I wanted to wait a while longer but was told to get on with it, they'd only be able to help me then, so it was shower or not be able to for the rest of the day.

I stood up, walked to she shower, where I told the MW that I felt dizzy - "don't be silly" she said, you're fine. I vomited (unintentionally) down her tights and passed out on the floor. Came to with a very worried circle of staff around me, in a puddle of blood and vomit.

They let me shower, on condition that they watched in case I fainted again - two of them, standing in the shower doorway with their arms folded, grumpy faces, the works. Trying to get the blood off my legs and vomit out of my hair while they watched was incredibly humiliating.

Next time I'll trust my own judgment and tell them when I'm ready to get up!

I have four DC, all born at different (London) hospitals and all requiring a stay of at least two nights, sometimes more due to c-sections or other complications. With DC4 I said we are going private for postnatal even though it was a small fortune. Worth Every Single Penny. (Watford Knutsford Suite for the interested) It was like night and day.

As so many others have said, in most cases it was just understaffing and under resourcing although there were the odd awful staff members around. They were far outweighed by the nice, but stressed ones though.

I mentioned my history on a thread a few weeks ago on FB and a stranger tried to shoot me down and make out I was lying I guess. She said that my experiences were clearly very rare (I must be super unlucky then!) and that in her experience and that of her friends she was very looked after and everything was wonderful and pretty much strongly suggesting I was lying or exaggerating. Out of interest I looked at her profile and from various dates there, she would have probably delivered in the 1980s. Quite.

Yanbu at all. I had a hideous experience with an antibiotic drip in one hand and something else in a drip on the other which hurt so much and made nappy changing and breastfeeding so hard and also bleeding profusely after heamorraging. I was left to get on with it and was so upset. I remember wondering why when I was so ill was I being left alone and with a tiny baby to look after. She was then taken to NICU and I was expected to walk long corridors getting lost whilst soaking through my clothes with blood and still with the drips, nightmare :(

The ladies who brought the water round were lovely though!!

my experience after dc1 was horrific, very upsetting.

After dc2, same ward, same hospital, but overall a much more positive experience. Woefully inadequate pain relief though. Had a cs. It was unremitting agony, I could barely speak I was in so much pain. For pain relief I got...two paracetamol and a cup of peppermint tea I feel panicky just thinking about how awful that bit was.

I struggle with the pinned thread on active conversations: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sponsored_discussions/2250021-Talk-to-Christian-Aid-about-your-birth-experiences

I know that things are terrible in Kenya and in comparison the UK is a very safe place to give birth. But I feel sad that I can't post anything on that thread because my birth and postnatal experience was awful. For a thread that has been pinned there for a while, it has relatively few responses.

YANBU OP. You have to just try and ignore the people who say it couldn't have been like that, because you know you are right.

As for moving on, well sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. It has taken me 3 years to find someone who didn't just tell me to move on...and actually listened and tried to help me assimilate my experiences. After 3 months of therapy focussed significantly on the after effects of poor treatment during labour and on the postnatal ward, I am finally finding myself again.

NOW I can finally move on.

muscat really empathise with your identical sounding experiences - and it is really difficult to move on from such a terrible experience at your mist vunerable point. I feel it was the sole cause of what I now know was pnd (never admitted it at the time) and it permanently ruined my relationship.

I know it sounds like im being melodramatic but I really can't describe how awful it was. and I am a strong no-nonsense type.

I was expecting to be shown how to bathe my baby too, and how to care for him. I don't think I ever saw a bath, barely saw any staff and when I did ask a hca what to dress him in she tutted at me, rolled her eyes and picked him up by one arm, dangled him and shoved a vest over his head (just born, about to go to special care, had just been resuscitated after a mismanaged labour that ended in a shoulder dytocia (midwife hungover) and an apgar score of 1).

not only did I get no breastfeeding support, I had to break into the locked cupboard every night to get expressing equipment as nobody could be found as they were all at the new years party on the roof.

In the ward with me was a woman who had just had a c section and dropped her baby on the floor out of the bed in the middle.of the night when she fell asleep holding him - it took us half an hour to find someone to check the baby was ok and that was by leaning on the emergency buttons. There was also a woman with some kind of special needs who screamed and keened ceaseleslly for 3 days, pissed on the floor and completely ignored her baby - until on the third day someone from social services came and took it away.

I could go on. One of the biggest regrets I have is that I didn't feel strong enough after I got out to make a formal complaint.

My experience on the post natal ward was fantastic. Gave birth by els at the princess royal in Glasgow. I had twins, they lost a lot of weight following birth, as I was trying to breastfeed, but had quite a severe blood loss during my section which affected my milk coming in. I was kept in for 6 days and during that time the staff were fantastic. They were very supportive of my wish to breastfeed and would come whenever I buzzed to help them latch on. I was an emotional mess and a couple of different midwives took the time to sit with me and listen to me ramble on and cry, even though they were rushed off their feet. I found that they were quite short on staff and resources but without exception went out their way to help. I had heard horrible stories about the post natal wards, but my experience was quite the opposite.

OP I just wanted to say thank you for starting this thread. I've never really been able to talk about my time on postnatal before: it was deeply distressing and people don't really get it or care or want to know or whatever, and I had twins to look after, so I just put it out my head (and found it quite upsetting when my DH talked about the early days with the girls). I clicked on this thread with some curious dread, but it's been really good (sorry everyone) to know I'm not the only person who felt the same.

forago it isn't too late to make report. If you can find the strength - it may prevent such things in the future.

YANBU OP not all midwives are compassionate and understanding. I had DD in The Netherlands and on the whole the care was very hit and miss (although delivery itself was v good). Some brilliant, some horrendous. One MW missed meconium so I didn't get induced until 14 hours later when another checked the pad, and I remain convinced to this day it is why DD got Strep B as it was such a long labour. Then after birth when DD was in ICU another MW made me feel horrible and like a bad mum for stopping to put makeup on (DH's birthday and I had been down to do 5am feed then came back for sleep and was just rushing down to feed her again, two floors and a looooong hobble away) and then for returning to pick up my phone (so I could stay in touch with DH ). She then had a go again but this time DH was there along with the senior MW who was checking up on me. He flew at her and had a real go and we never saw her again. Why make new mothers feel miserable and inferior? I don't understand it.

As for the pain medication DH had to smuggle me in ibuprofen and paracetamol (assisted delivery and was sewn up) as they were reluctant to even prescribe me that! I have a friend who had a C Section in a south Wales hospital and was even refused paracetamol right after a C Section, not passed her baby etc.

Seven months on and I am still not over what happened. The main saving grace is that the children's hospital where DD was were absolutely superb and very caring and supportive of new mothers and parents. They went out of their way to look after me as I was pretty much permanently on the ward.

You take as much time and talk as much about it as you need to. We're sold this marketing myth that it's all smiles and cuddles and rainbows but so often reality far misses the mark.

My postnatal experience after EMCS was awful but I've complained about it so much on here I'll spare the details this time!

I will say some staff were nice but overworked but some were just objectively awful (eg telling a woman who'd just had a very traumatic birth that she should stop crying or her milk would dry up )

I was lucky that I had read all the horror stories on MN before so I went in very prepared with extra painkillers, everything I could possibly need to manage on my own. It was still extremely hard.

I saw firsthand when my SILs gave birth in France and it's like a different planet, honestly. When I told my MIL the details of my hospital stay she actually started crying a bit, she could not believe they would treat new mothers and newborns in such inhumane ways.

I vividly remember some incidents from my week long stay (dd was born with serious disability missed on scans) I delivered before 8am but had no food until evening - no tea and toast for me. Dd wouldn't feed so I pumped and needed to sterilise bottles/pump bits. They had a cold water system I had to figure out myself but wasn't allowed to change myself. Had to beg to get someone to do it whilst worrying if dd would get sick as it was left to long. Dd ended up tube fed. They showed me once and said a midwife must supervise me doing it (risk of milk going into lungs and harming dd) when I asked they acted as though I should just be able to do it and wrote mum asking for observation in my notes as though it was me asking when I had been told to. Will be 9 years ago in January and still vivid.

Oh I tell a lie about the ibuprofen, it wasn't allowed for a reason I can't recall - I just remember feeling desperate after spending most of the day sat in a solid wheelchair cuddling a very poorly baby willing her to get better. I think I daydreamed about being able to take ibuprofen!

ice it was 10 years ago. I still shudder every time I go past St Thomas'. I should have complained at the time but was too traumatised, frankly. Then over the subsequent years it felt like I had to sweep it under the carpet and focus on my next pregnancies and births, like if I admitted his bad it was the whole thing would cone down like a pack of cards. Now that I'm done (and the damage is already done) I'd be happy to talk about it but its surely too late for an official complaint? (although I so have copies of mine and DS medical notes which I asked for a few months later
to help me process it - funnily enough very little mention of the terrible birth or the shoulder dystocia)

I found postnatal ward a bit stressful. once catheter was out and iv had been removed I asked for the thing in my hand (forgotten it's name) to come out...12hrs later they did it. had shower and asked for help puttong dvt stockings on - the midwife told me I didn't need them till night time...was also 12 hrs. after my section was on the ward by 5 and had nothing to eat till 12 when I was offered toast. had real issues bfing and one suggestion was to get out of bed to feed. fine but the chair waa pulled up to bed in such a way I woild have to swing legs over the back of the chair - and couldn't. in my notes they wrote that I said I was too tired to do it. also had massive issues with latch and v little help. a week after coming out of hospital I was ffing. I also ranh hospital for help the night I was let out as he wouldn't latch on. they kept going on about not using a bottle. by the time the community midwives arrived the next I was a total wreck.

the midwives themselves in hospital were lovely, the surgical team were great, my consultant was waiting to see me when we came out. I just felt helpless on the ward.

One mw on the postnatal ward told me that formula feeding was like giving your baby McDonald's, whereas bf was more like a salad. Because that really helped four days later when my milk only came in on one side. Literally not a drop on the other and I topped up. The guilt was awful.

I was reasonably well looked after 2nd time around but 1st time (different hospital) was horrendous. I had a 2nd degree tear and when I pleaded for pain killers was asked what I wanted. The only one I really know about is paracetamol so that was what I got.

The poor lady in the bed next to me though, . No older than 17, she had had an emergency ca due to a failed ecv. She got a real telling off for that: "why have you had a section then, didn't fancy pushing?". I really wish I'd had the balls to defend her because that was outrageous. She was in a lot of pain following her section and was refused pain relief. She had already had something and couldn't have more, but some sensitivity around that would have helped rather than the bollocking she got for asking. Poor, poor girl.

I got told off for having a (new, clean) towel that was too big.

The care in hospital two was much better (I was gladly provided with pain relief after that was better than two paracetamol) but the salad v McDonald's comment has stayed with me.

however I do have to add once I was home the community team have been incredible

Op, you are not alone. I had a terrible experience with my ds on the ante natal ward, it was the most awful experience. I nearly died during my cs and quite frankly the inhumane behaviour in the ante natal ward nearly put me off more dc. I wasn't the only one to be in tears at the sheer nastiness.

They weren't overworked either, judging by the tea parties and endless chatter round the main desk.

People don't want to believe it as they like to think its all fluffy bunnies. I wrote about it on here a few years ago and a poster came on to say I was a liar and all midwives were lovely and who did I think I was wanting help to move or have my catheter refreshed. Oh, they did let me have a paracetamol. One. After a CS. " it's not that bad" they said sternly, " grow up a bit" and " look, either have a blood transfusion or get out. We need the bed"

It did amaze me with all the guff about healthy eating and bf, the only food on offer was garage sandwiches in an fridge.

i spoke to PALS about it. They said it's very common and I could write and complain and ask for a meeting but unfortunately the Mw would be very defensive and say I was hormonal and a difficult patient! They said it might cause more trauma to me receiving a nasty letter so perhaps just leave it.

I remember my dh being furious as he happened to overhear a MW being v rude to me. He said he didn't undertand why they had the balls to tell him that I needed lots of tlc to avoid pnd when clearly that was their aim to get me to leave the ward with.

Lucky I can work a calculator as well, or I'd have been in there longer. The mw had zero idea how to do percentages and said ds had to stay. I showed her how to work it out and YES! I could leave. It was like being released from a hostage situation with callous keepers.

Not as bad as many here, but I still feel a bit upset anout it 12 years on. I had a very long back to back labour, so had been awake for 50 hours by the time I got onto the ward. Had absolutely no help, couldn't shower as bathroom was covered in blood the whole time I was there, nobody would bring me a bath so dd was still covered in blood when I took her home two days later, was tutted at for asking for painkillers and told off because dd cried when I left the room to get food, which nobody had remembered to bring to me.

I've had 5 dc over 30 years and have found things extremely variable.
I had 4 sections and have always been amazed at how much u are expected to do after MAJOR ABDO SURGERY. And how crap the pain relief is.
With my last baby 3 yrs ago, I noticed her throat looked odd and told the midwife who actually laughed at me sbd shook her head at dh and said "what is she like"

My daughter had a cleft palate!!
She developed Jaundice and pneumonia as a result of it being undiagnosed for 4 days.

I was thinking about going private myself. Could anyone please give me info regarding costs involved? PM if that's better