To think that some women have an awful time on the postnatal ward

[elliejjtiny]

This isn't a slag off the midwives thread. In my case the midwives were perfectly lovely and kind, just very overworked.

My 2 experiences on the postnatal ward with DS4 (now 18m) and DS5 (now 6m) were horrible. I had caesareans both times and both babies were in NICU, although DS5 came and joined me on the ward for the last 3 days. Once my catheter was out I had to make my own breakfast, fetch other meals and drinks from the ward kitchen, take expressed milk down what felt like endless corridors to NICU every 4 hours and sterilize all the bottles, pump bits etc. I didn't have DH with me as he was looking after the DC's or any visitors who stayed more than 5 minutes. I could have really done with some tlc in my vulnerable and hormonal state. And some decent painkillers. I wasn't allowed morphine after the catheter came out because it made me wobbly, just paracetamol and ibubrofen. I take more than that for period pains.

But when I talk about it I get told that it didn't happen or that I'm being negative or exaggerating. It makes me feel like I'm going mad. So come and tell me your awful postnatal ward stories so that I know I'm not alone.

I found it awful. I ended up piecing together my own care from overhearing what others on the ward were getting. I found it hard to move with the bizzare paralysis I developed in one leg, so was scared to move DD about in case I wasn't stable enough. I was in a lot of pain - because I was only given paracetamol until I said "can I have what she's having". We're luckily able to afford private care when having DC2. I doubt that I'd be having DC2 if that wasn't the case.

One thing that really annoys me when reading these is that people's pain is NEVER managed properly. It's infuriating. With proper measures pain wouldn't get to the point in which you're screaming and not being able to deal with it. Then being fobbed off with paracetamol - it's patronising.

Sorry to hijack, but can anyone tell me if it's normal practice to be sewn back up without anesthetic after tearing during labour?

I agree with PP that pain management is a huge factor. I am not a pill popper by nature but after I had DD1 a great nurse arranged for me to have a load of super pain killers, wrote the prescription up for 10 days worth and then drummed into me "take these every four hours whether or not you feel you need them". I did and managed really well. After DD2, having had a much simpler birth, I didn't push for pain killers, got given bugger all and spent a very sore first week feeling totally rough.

On the practical emotional side, it it such a shame that funding can't be prioritised to provide more (I do understand that funds are limited, which is why I say prioritsed). In the Netherlands, a trained helper visits women who have just given birth every day for a few hours for the first two or three weeks, and helps with cleaning/cooking, setting up the bewildering buggy, giving you an hour to have a bath, help with feeding, or just a friendly ear to talk through your experience. That kind of "soft care" would go a long way when women feel vulnerable and hormonal.

YANBU.

I had an awful time in my postnatal ward. I had no help at all with anything. I had not eaten for 40 hours, so as starving when it was breakfast time. I was heavily bleeding but had to somehow push the baby in the cot with one hand and carry my breakfast in my other hand, as the breakfast was in another room. The cereal was kept in a grimy old quality street tin. The baths were filthy so I didn't bathe and I went home still covered in my blood as I didn't want to risk catching an infection.

The midwife said that she thought my DC might have cystic fibrosis, and that I would have to wait for the doctor to check him. In those conditions I had to wait until the afternoon to see the doctor, who said that DC was perfectly well.

My DM and MIL could not visit until after 3pm, but I was badgered by the bounty woman instead!!

The post natal care for my emcs at St Thomas with baby in NICU and elcs at Queen Elizabeth, Woolwich were absolutely disgraceful and makes me glad I am never having another baby. If I meet any of those midwives or nurses (those titles are too good for them) now that I am in a state which is not in pain and vulnerable, I will make them beg too.

God, don't even get me started on Bounty. Who the living fuck in the NHS allowed that to start - being leapt on by a total stranger when you're at your most vulnerable to buy shit. RAGE!

I had an emergency section too and the midwives did look after me very well immediately afterwards.

However I had to stay on the ward for 6 days and my care was not always good - some of the staff bordered on callous.

It might sound ridiculous, but the sleep deprivation was the worst thing for me.By the time I had my DD I had been awake for over forty hours and the sleep deprivation just got worse and worse - not because of my baby, because there was a very colicky baby who did not stop crying for two days (no exaggeration), who was then replaced by a woman who refused to pick up her baby when it cried.

Combined with other women snoring, three babies crying at various different times throughout the entire night and I was hallucinating because I was so tired. I begged and begged in tears for a private room on the fourth night to no avail.

My DD spent time in SBC and I cannot praise them enough. Also thr auxiliaries were wonderful. I do think that some midwives become so used to dealing with women in post-natal wards they perhaps lose a bit of compassion. I also had a truly awful experience on the EPU with a previous miscarriage that still makes me tearful when I think of it.

I'm sure my experience with DC1 contributed to PND.

Central London teaching hospital. Properly nasty midwives. Wouldn't lift my baby for me when I couldn't. Ignored the screaming even though they were sitting at their station 3 metres away. Failed to carry out basic checks that meant delayed blood transfusions. Refused to give me formula when I was barely conscious. Hateful experience and I won't accept that being overworked is an excuse for the way they acted.

DC2 in rural smaller hospital. Every midwife was wonderful and kind. They really looked after me, and my community midwife dropping past felt like a visit from a caring big sister.

People say we have to get over these experiences and move on. I don't know how that is possible when one of the most joyful experiences of your life is turned into one of the most traumatic.

My post natal care after section was v similar to yours OP. Just awful, almost no painkillers offered, DD constantly moved in cot to beyond my reach and got yelled at for not keeping her quiet when I was numb from waist down and couldn't reach her.

Second time round was in a totally different hospital and care was amazing. Really how it should be.

God yes, the fucking noise.

YANBU - I had similiar story emergency section baby 7 wks prem - not sure if baby would make it - put on postnatal ward with those with easy deliveries - my worse point was when a healthcare assistant (ie not a midwife or nurse) tried to demand I walk to get my meal (only hrs after arriving from intensive care after a section caused by a life threatening condition) on account of how "we want all woman to get back on their feet immediatley" - by that point it was the end of a very difficult pregnancy and birth and I just flipped out and told her very loudly "who on earth do you think you are to tell me what to do you are not medically qualified and have no idea of my medical condition" that kinda shut her up - lol

Thankyou everyone. It's not something I dwell on a lot but today the subject came up in conversation and I got the usual "it didn't happen like that" complete with the patronizing head tilt from someone who wasn't there. I talked about it after DS4 was born and the midwives promised I'd get better care with DS5. They tried and I was in HDU for 3 days which meant better care as there was a much lower ratio of midwives to women. But as soon as I was on the postnatal ward I had to do everything for myself. I understand about mobilising and being independent but for me and the other woman on the ward with no DH there it was hard carrying jugs of water and meal trays etc around while the other women were being waited on by their DH's. Nobody's fault, just circumstances. But sometimes I just need an acknowledgement that it happened.

My daughter was delivered by crash section due aving an abrutoabruption it was a close call for both of us. She went straight to nicu and I was taken and put in a 4 bed bay with 3 happy mum's and babies. I've never felt so alone in my life, listening to other babies crying when you know yours is fighting for their life is horrendous.

I was in for 10 days, had medication and transfusions delayed because I wasn't at my bed (not rocket science to ring nicu and get me back).

There was one midwife who stood out and think I'll always remember her, she went above and beyond and did things that made my stay there manageable.

It's sad that there are so many similar experiences. I'm due to have an elcs in the spring with DC2, determined to stand up for myself this time round. I know some things can't really be helped such as the noise, lack of staff etc but to be sneered at and made to feel a nuisance is inexcusable.

effin ive heard it happening quite regularly. I'm not sure if that's supposed to happen though.

yes a some of it is down to attitude but it's mainly due to chronic short staffing my friend is a midwife in post natal when she started a number of years ago there was three or four midwives on every ward recently cut back to two midwives with a "floating" midwife to go to busiest ward but as that is between four wards it's two staff usually. It is totally inadequate with all the attention given to more complicated cases and other mums left to get on with it She says the care is appalling at times and she feels sad that she cannot give the care she would like. I experienced poor care too following CS and nearly discharged myself, sad that things are getting worse not better.

I think it's the same with any area of the NHS. There are good and bad experiences, mainly because of lack of funds and poor management. In the summer I was on the same post natal ward as Charlotte Bevan after having twins. I was in and out for 3 weeks while my babies were in NICU then on the ward with me. They managed to get me my own room and all the staff were lovely, although overworked. Luckily I didn't need much care/support as I'd breastfed before and was physically well. I did get emotional.support-a chat or a cup of tea every so often but I can see that people with higher and more complex needs may not have been given enough support purely due to the lack of staff.

I was on postnatal ward overnight transferred from mlu. it was awful, I had lost blood and kept passing out but the overnight team just thought I was lazy when I asked for help getting ds nappy changed or moved in and out of the cot. I spent the next day having blood transfusion this took all day and meant I didn't get washed. I was discharged the next day and ended up with infected stitches, severe anaemia and a very slow recovery. I believe going 3 days without a wash contributed to the infection.

The postnatal experience after the birth of my first child was the worst time of my life. When I was discharged I have never been in a worse state, physically and mentally. I didn't sleep for four days. I was completely mad, and utterly traumatised.

I think there's an expectation of "you're a mother now, so you just have to fucking get on with it". It doesn't matter how frightened or traumatised a woman is, how much pain she's in, whether she suffered a severe tear or a section... everyone gets treated the same. Which is to say, there's minimal care, minimal supervision, minimal assistance (particularly with feeding) and sometimes outright cruelty.

How did this happen? I don't blame midwives for the horrific culture in which they seem to work, but I DO question the lack of compassion I saw. It was widespread.

I found the care on the post natal ward hit and miss in 2012. I had a relatively straightforward delivery and was moved to the ward in the early hours of the morning.

I fought sleep for a couple of hours because the midwife said they'd book me in in 10 minutes. As is typical they woke me as soon as I dropped off to book me in, I didn't sleep much after that. I used to do the brew run in the middle of the night for whoever was up with a screaming baby.

Most midwives were nice, one was a nasty woman, I hated her coming to help me latch DD on.

Breastfeeding support was fabulous during the day because they have an infant feeding team and BfN peer supporters, but all that fell away at night.

I've since volunteered on that same ward, supporting breastfeeding mothers, and Nurse Nasty is still there and they've removed the brew making facilities .

to all those with bad experiences.

As a gran who reads here so as not to put my foot in it with regard to my GC I am absolutely horrified by the horror stories I have just read here. My first baby was born 50 years ago in the local Maternity unit and we were all cosseted by the midwives and expected to do nothing but feed our babies. After three days of rest we were taught to bathe our babies, the next to do it under supervision then on our own (although not expected to fill or empty baths) until discharged which was normally at 10 days. All babies were kept in the nursery at night being brought very very quietly to be fed when needed. They again went into the nursery for two hours in the afternoon while we all spent half an hour on our tummies then rested until afternoon tea was brought to us. Every Mum deserves to be looked after like this

Whoever mentioned pain relief upthread was bang on the money.

I had a third degree tear which was repaired in theatre. When the epidural wore off I was in agony. I was shaking uncontrollably and could barely speak. Asked DH to find a midwife to ask for something for the pain. No one came to actually look at me, or speak to me, otherwise it would have been obvious I was really suffering.

A midwife turned up with two paracetamol. I could have sobbed.

I am still really angry about that. I'm angry about a litany of things, but THAT was something else.

I had a similar list of low level crap things happen to me (started with membrane sweep without consent or warning, ended with a night shift midwife who liked playing reggae on the radio at 1 in the morning) and I complained and had my complaints upheld by the hospital - it is rubbish, I wasn't imagining it, and neither were you OP.