To think that some women have an awful time on the postnatal ward

[elliejjtiny]

This isn't a slag off the midwives thread. In my case the midwives were perfectly lovely and kind, just very overworked.

My 2 experiences on the postnatal ward with DS4 (now 18m) and DS5 (now 6m) were horrible. I had caesareans both times and both babies were in NICU, although DS5 came and joined me on the ward for the last 3 days. Once my catheter was out I had to make my own breakfast, fetch other meals and drinks from the ward kitchen, take expressed milk down what felt like endless corridors to NICU every 4 hours and sterilize all the bottles, pump bits etc. I didn't have DH with me as he was looking after the DC's or any visitors who stayed more than 5 minutes. I could have really done with some tlc in my vulnerable and hormonal state. And some decent painkillers. I wasn't allowed morphine after the catheter came out because it made me wobbly, just paracetamol and ibubrofen. I take more than that for period pains.

But when I talk about it I get told that it didn't happen or that I'm being negative or exaggerating. It makes me feel like I'm going mad. So come and tell me your awful postnatal ward stories so that I know I'm not alone.

I was only given paracetamol post EMCS with DS1. I also had SPD which did not let up post delivery & I was still hobbling around/having physio 10 months later (thanks breastfeeding hormones!). I had SPD and a planned CS second time around, but asked for Tramadol in the PN ward (DS2 was in NICU anyway so no risk of dropping him on his head) and I was up and mobile very quickly, despite significant Post partum haemorrhage. I think the crappy pain relief hinders recovery - or at least it did for me with DS1.

Eletorrito. I'd say it is unusual to be in so much pain six weeks on. But everyone is different, their operations are all slightly different, bodies heal at different rates, etc. some people can't metabolise codeine so it has no effect on them.

Have you been to see your GP for a check up yet, and another pack of codeine!?

Just reading some of the stuff about painkillers.

I can't take any NSAIDs, so was given dihydrocodeine after my csection even though I was breastfeeding. DD had a couple of meconium nappies, but didn't transition to normal poo very easily. I weaned myself off the codeine around day 3/4 in case it was affecting DD, and pretty soon she did a couple of HUGE poos. I have no doubt that it was the codeine constipating her. However, the midwife said that as she wasn't pooing, she wasn't feeding enough, tried to force DD to latch (hand behind her head and pushed her in to the breast) and seriously hindered us getting to grips with breastfeeding.

Only just getting chance to log on and sorry if my post came across as blunt or uncaring. I was responding specifically to the OP. I still havent read the earlier posts or any further detail the OP has given so I wont post on the thread again. Didnt meanto cause offence, albeit I stand by my comments that getting your own food and wwalking to SCBU isnt indicative of poor care. Not getting pain relief is another matter.

Elle - please go to your doctor . I don't think its normal to have so much pain. I had my tubes tied during my last CS, which gives you more pain higher up AND I'm the biggest wimp out and I wasn't in pain or taking meds aftre 6 weeks. And I never touched the DF118 s which they sent me home with .

I did find some things quite difficult, like turning over in bed or bending and twisting, but I wasnt in tears. I was more frustrated at not being able to get on with things IYSWIM.

Please get yourself checked out

Agree - Ellie please go back to the doctor. Does it hurt all the time? Or when the baby cries/feeds?

So sorry to hear you have experienced trauma. Do seek whatever help you can get - unresolved trauma can really screw with you for years...

I still think it is shocking that giving birth in the UK is generating around 150,000 cases of mental health problems per year, around 20,000 cases of PTSD and even killing around 50 women per year.

I can't help but think it would cost the NHS less over all to provide better postnatal and labour care than having to treat all the resulting symptoms for years down the line....

Thanks for the reputable viva, and your input kristingle and chronic. I will definitely speak to doc, check up is in new year but will try for an earlier appointment.

Thinking harder about what viva says it seems possible codeine isn't working for me but then oramorph didn't really have any effect either. Plus now I recall I had to have quite a bit of extra epidural to remove sensation down one side before the op.

Nothing prepared me for the post partum pain I have experienced both times. It has been worse than labour ( I laboured with my first). It is clearly unusual I now realise, but it would have been far less traumatic if the midwives had believed me and not treated me like a liar/ time waster. I have fantasies of making a complaint but think it would probably delay my emotional recovery.

I can understand where phobia of hospital comes from now.

Reply not reputable

I think where postnatal care goes wrong is when the hospital forgets that there are two patients- mother and baby. When they just look after one patient (baby) and neglect the other or expect one patient to look after the other....That's unacceptable. I know women give birth every day yadda yadda but it is physically traumatic and after it you're in no fit state to go straight into a full time job you have no experience in (I.e. Looking after a newborn baby). Second time my labour was way worse but at least I had some idea of what I was doing with the baby

After posting a couple of days back I thought I would do a quick update. My DD1 had her DD1 at lunchtime on Christmas Day. They were discharged six hours later straight from the delivery room so didn't make it onto the ward. The staff were lovely so my fears were groundless. Fingers crossed the community midwives are too.

This whole thread has been a really difficult read for me. At the time of it happening to me, and especially from the way I was brushed off as being over dramatic/sensitive/whatever, I was left thinking I was the one at fault and no one else had such problems. It was very isolating. Not for the first time I am left thinking how different so many things in my life would have been had Mumsnet been around twenty odd years ago.

Sorry I missed your post somehow icebeing. I have discussed it with dh and I'm going to be asking for some help with the emotional side.

Fishlaar you are so right, it has helped me a lot to read this thread. I thought I was being dramatic too.

It's helped me too to read this thread and to know I'm not alone in how traumatic I found the whole experience, but it also saddens me that so many women have gone through such terrible experiences too.

Short version, I had a relativity minor op, she had major abdominal surgery. Why was her care so different, the 2 ops were in the same hospital, in the same year?

God yes, it's all topsy turvey! I've had both ops. On coming round from keyhole surgery and checked, removed from recovery area, had friendly (NB this doesn't cost anything, being friendly) member of staff arrive to bring the meal and drink to my bedside that I'd ordered from the menu pre op. Was checked before discharge then ordered to take it easy, no lifting etc Sent home with instructions along with prescription drugs for pain relief

Quite different from post crash cs, 'well you've missed breakfast', need to be up, lights on in room overnight, being ignored, looking after two babies single handed in poor facilities.

Adding my voice here.
I had DS in March this year. I was in for a week - it was hands down the worst week of my life. I was more anxious and miserable than I have ever been (or hope to be again).
I have anxiety and just being on the ward + hormones + baby who wouldn't eat anything + DH having to leave at night was making me really teary and anxious.
At some point a gynae dr said she could see I wasn't happy and would send someone to talk to me. Apparently this triggered all sorts of shit - from the moment I talked to that counsellor woman I was treated like a prisoner because I had been tarred with the MH brush. I was observed constantly by the transitional care nurses and midwives and they actually reported me for 'not smiling' enough. Well - FFS! I read my notes and they said that DH was doing everything for me - absolute bollocks, but from then on I wasn't allowed to rest and let him help just incase a midwife observed at the wrong time.
It's hard to put into words how miserable I was. It culminated in a night where I had been prescribed a relaxant to help me sleep. I took it and spent the night having the most awful panic attack, listening to a Stewart Lee audiotape to preserve what was left of my sanity. I felt like I was going mad. I felt like I might try to hurt myself. I couldn't tell anyone because they would have just taken it as more evidence against me.
One nurse (I was later told 'mistakenly' told me even if I was discharged there was no way they were letting my baby come with me. I was threatened with CPS. I just wanted to go home, watch some TV, feel human again.
Eventually I got seen by a psychiatrist and I begged her to let me go - I was getting worse and worse just from being on the ward. I had been too anxious to eat (for anyone who hasn't experienced that, it's weird - you just lose the ability to eat completely). I bit my lips so much they bled. My hands were a mess of dry, wrinkled skin. She made them let me go - so the paperwork started and lasted all day. Even then I was terrified something would happen and they wouldn't let me out. Before that I had been told that a) I could not leave with the baby and b) if I tried to leave without the baby they would charge me with abandonment (My family wanted to take me home for a frickin bath when they had already agreed to care for the baby for the whole night so I could rest). My parents were on the verge of contacting lawyers.

We got out. I am pretty sure I had PTSD. I woke up that night with blurry vision. I couldn't eat a damn thing for a week. I had multiple, severe panic attacks every day for at least a week - I would curl up into a ball on the couch and wait for wave after wave of physical, horrible anxiety to hit me. It was like drowning in my own mind.
It was the worst, most anxious time I have ever experienced, and I say that as someone with a history of severe anxiety. I will NEVER forget, I still shake when I remember it now, I still get flashbacks.
When I left they told me to ring the ward if I had any problems. I would rather have chewed my arm off than ring them again.
It's really hard to put across how badly the staff affected me. Their overreaction to an anxiety disorder (and really, with the prevalence of PND you'd think they'd be more on the ball about MH shit) made the start of my life with my son something I hate to think about. I wish I could have that time back, cuddle my little newborn without feeling like I was going crazy.

If/ when I have another one, I will be going for a homebirth and absolutely refusing to go to the pn ward. I'd rather go into debt going private than go back there. This was Watford General, btw.

Oh my god Juliet, that is horrendous.

I can't help thinking that if the professionals only knew how badly my mental health was suffering (be it the midwives on the ward, community midwives post discharge, or the HV) then maybe I could have suffered a similar thing. As it was, I was so poorly monitored, nobody guessed. Nobody asked either. Maybe that was for the best. The waves of crippling anxiety happened to me as well. I didn't want to turn the bedside lamp off at night because I was terrified some thing would happen to the baby. I couldn't eat either.

I hope you're ok now.

Diving I'm fine now, just had a cry at DH after typing all that!

The MH side is often overlooked but just as hard to handle as physical pain. It was horrendous, I really felt like if I didn't get out of there my sanity was on the line. Except even saying that doesn't really cover the awfulness you feel, does it?

Hope you're far enough out from your experience that you're ok too!

Shocking. I was hooked up to a blood transfusion after difficult 5 day induction where I had to be revived with adrenaline after bp crash and then got an infection - told by a bitch if a HCA that my baby was hungry - I couldn't move! Why couldn't she help me? Then heard them telling the woman opposite me they were going to take her baby as she had nowhere to go after hospital - couldn't believe they didn't tell her in private. Tried to comfort her after but what could I say to help?Horrible hot ward and visiting hours not enforced at all so people had 4 or 5 visitors til all hours. It was so shockingly appalling I told dh we're not having another baby until we've saved up to go private....would have discharged myself despite health issues if I'd had to stay a day longer, I'm sure the stress and no sleep made me ten times worse. To be fair there were some very good midwives who we're doing their best - on one day the poor girl had 9 women to look after because they were short staffed. To be honest the whole experience has massively put me off having another baby (along with the fact I seem to be allergic to epidurals!)

Juliette, I hope you have managed to get some counselling or had a de-brief after what sounds like a pretty traumatic time.

I don't have a history of anxiety but had my first child in horrendous conditions in Ireland, had been in for 2 weeks previous to giving birth & baby was prem & had jaundice, I was also unwell, so I had to stay in for a further 5 days.

I spent most of the time crying, I honestly thought I was going to end up in a psych hospital, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, other patients were looking after me when DP wasn't there, someone's mum had to help me in the bathroom as no nurse would come.

I finally begged them to discharge me, the final straw was the hospital so overcrowded that I had to share my cubicle with another mum & baby. I said if I don't leave here today I don't think I will cope mentally anymore. They discharged me.

It took me a good year or so to get over it. I complained officially as so many things had been appalling & doing this gave me some closure.

I refused a blood transfusion after losing 2.5 litres of blood as the person they sent to tell me I needed one was the very same person the MW in the labour ward threw out for suggesting a non legal procedure and luckily she found an off duty consultant ( in a dinner jacket, such a cliche) to come and help. He said " let me help you. I promise I won't hurt you. If you agree to the registrars adice, I'm sorry but you and your baby will most likely die"

I heard him outside shouting " we don't do that in this country" at the registrar.

Next day, the registrar turned up to tell me I needed a blood transfusion. I doubt he could have talked me out of a burning car.

The Mw on on the ward said " are you a Jehovah's witness? If you won't have one, then you should leave. We need the bed, and stop crying, you're upsetting people"

Christ almighty lavender, what was this procedure?

I'm a bit upset at re living it all. The memory of the surgeon saying " oops, sorry, I've cut your baby" as she sliced into my baby in the womb when she cut into me for the non emergency cs has made me a bit quiet. He had stitches round his eye at birth.

And the Mw on the ward didn't have time to read my notes ( but not to busy to let me hear them chatting about their bf and sat night planned round the nurses station) had them shouting at me to shower alone " you'll have to manage at home alone" how the fuck did they know anything about my home arrangememts? I wouldn't be alone.

Huge mistake. I couldn't even make out my lips ( loss of blood) as I stared at the filthy mirror and shower. Collapsed. Laying in the filth of other people's showering and blood on the floor.

" up you get" said the Mw " attention seeking! Haha, you ladies!"

Then, a few hours later she was back. " Ooh, sorry, seems you are v weak and high risk. We didn't have time to read your notes. Er, can I just take a blood test?"

It's awful what so many women go through - very traumatic. When I had my first, almost all the midwives were wonderful, except for one on the post-natal ward. The only bad midwife seemed to be everywhere. I was in for a week and she woke everyone up every morning at 6am by shouting at the other staff.

She drew the curtains around me while I was trying to breastfeed because there were male visitors on the ward (I was claustrophobic and really didn't think the men were remotely interested in looking at me). She tried to exclude my husband from being present during procedures she was carrying out on me, when I made it clear I wanted him with me, holding my hand.

All the other midwives were kind... although there was some negligence at some level because my baby became irritable and jittery and several midwives commented on it - they didn't seem to know what was causing it, and said they usually saw it in babies of drug-addicted mothers - not that they bothered to do any tests. My baby eventually became jaundiced and needed light therapy. I later found out that my baby was exhibiting classic symptoms of hypoglycaemia, which wasn't entirely unexpected as I had gestational diabetes. All they needed to do was a simple pin-prick blood test on my baby's heel to measure her blood glucose. The consequences of neonatal hypoglycaemia can be very severe.

So yeah, even though most of the midwives were kind, I still feel distressed. There were other things too, like how the anaesthetist nearly paralysed me... In my next two pregnancies I did a LOT of research and insisted on having things my way. This led to loads of conflict with obstetricians, but the midwives were great...

I asked one of the nurses looking after DS4 a few months later as I was concerned about the amount of pain relief he was on, way more than me after my C-section. She said that it's because post cs mums need to be alert enough to look after their babies.

It's not just the having to get my own lunch, make toast and walk to nicu that I objected to, it's the fact that on any other ward the patients aren't expected to do all this and get decent pain relief. My scar still hurts 6 months on and my GP said it's because I did too much in the beginning. My DH had the snip this year and he was sent home with strict instructions to stay in bed for 48 hours and not drive or go back to work until he was pain free (2 weeks). 2 months later I have a crash section and a ruptured uterus. In HDU for 3 days with a catheter for most of that time but I have to be up and moving the same day. On day 4 I'm on the PN ward and crying with the pain but still not allowed anything more than paracetamol and ibuprofen which is woefully inadequate. I've done labour with no pain relief and I've done the induction drip with no pain relief for 4 hours, then gas and air but post cs pain is worse and I needed proper drugs.