Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telephone ettiquette.. saying your name as caller

59 replies

SparkleZilla · 22/12/2014 14:18

hi

my OH thinks that you have to say your name as caller (, or you are very rude. My DM calls, they've known each other for 20 years, and yet everytime "Who is it please?"

Really? does he really think this is a grown up way to act? He ends up being really rude to her sometimes, and i'm fed up with it

Do you always announce yourself? I try and tailor to who i am calling (although i dont make many calls)

OP posts:
ElizabethHoover · 22/12/2014 14:20

i always do unless its someone who knows my voice, particylarly on calls to businesses, " hi my name is argy bargy and I would like to speak to Mr poo Pants"

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 22/12/2014 14:22

People I speak really regularly to know my voice so I just need to say hi it me, but otherwise I would say hi it's

HappenstanceMarmite · 22/12/2014 14:24

Business calls always. Personal calls - not if regular contact. My number will show in their phone anyway so not necessary.

DidoTheDodo · 22/12/2014 14:24

On the work phone it annoys me no end that people do not say who they are and the name of the firm they are calling from, just who they want to speak to. I end up asking every time "May I say who is calling please?" and don't feel I should have to.

What's wrong with "Hello, may I speak to Ms Boss please? It's DidotheDodo from DodoWorld Communications". Then the call recipient can decide if they want to speak to the caller.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 22/12/2014 14:25

Sorry, don't quite understand, do you mean he expects her to say "hello, it's mum here" or similar? And she doesn't so he asks who it is?

I think it's normal to announce who you are when you call, yes. I have been left guessing when I answer and someone just starts talking at me, I am really not very good at identifying people by their voices. Even if I'm 99% sure I know who it is it wrong-foots me. So I tend to guess and say "oh, is that you X?"

Hatespiders · 22/12/2014 14:27

I would very much appreciate it if people would say their name when they phone me. I'm a bit deaf and don't always recognise a voice. Sometimes the twit will say, "But it's me!" as if that makes it all clear. I always say my name. Most of my friends are elderly, and a bit nervous on the phone, so I like to reassure them.

HazleNutt · 22/12/2014 14:28

If he knows your mum's voice well and knows it's her, then it's very rude to ask who is calling, just to make a point.

I do announce, but depending on whom I'm calling, it could also be "Hi, it's me!".

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/12/2014 14:28

It is very rude not to say "hi x its x" when you call even if you think the person knows your voice.

They could be doing what I end up doing and spending the first 3 minutes of every call like this wondering who the fuck they are talking to.

Its a bit childish to do it if you know whose on the other end but its equally childish and just a tad self absorbed to not announce

MrsKoala · 22/12/2014 14:32

But the OP isn't talking about business calls. She's talking about family who know who each other are and her OH is insisting on a formal introduction on every phone call. is that right OP? If so, he is making himself sound like a tool.

YANBU

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 22/12/2014 14:37

It's horrible having to guess though, I really do think callers should just say "hi, it's mum here" or whoever. I really do have trouble identifying voices on the phone, even if I've known the person for donkey's years.

Original poster
SparkleZilla · 22/12/2014 14:37

its only my mum - shes a bit dotty (love her to bits) and its when she phones my home number. Her voice is quite distinctive as well

he's a smelly poo face

OP posts:
Original poster
SparkleZilla · 22/12/2014 14:38

(i feel better now)

OP posts:
Theoretician · 22/12/2014 14:38

My family (who I've known for 40-50 years) always tell me who's calling. So do my in-laws.

I once had a call from someone who didn't do this, who wanted to tell me that they'd been diagnosed with a potentially fatal STD. It was more than a little embarrassing when at the end of the call we worked out that I thought I'd been talking to someone completely different.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 22/12/2014 14:40

Well, in that case he should say "is that you Sparklemum?" not "who is it?".

ChazzerChaser · 22/12/2014 14:42

If they know me, I say 'hi it's me'. It would be bizarre to do otherwise. If they don't know me that well I say my name. At work I always say. And when I ring my 90 odd year old grandad I always say as he can hear that well.

HandMini · 22/12/2014 14:48

It is rude to not announce yourself on a call.

If it's a landline, I would always say "hi, it's Hand", then either "Is that Foot speaking?" if I thought my friend Foot, to whom I want to speak had picked up, or "Please may I speak to Foot" if it was another voice.

Saying "hi, it's me" is so annoying. Maybe I'm bad at distinguishing voices but sometimes I can't tell my mum/sister apart on the phone.

If it's a mobile and the person answers with "Hello Hand" that's fine to launch into your chat.

mommy2ash · 22/12/2014 15:05

I understand for business calls but surely for friends and family you would recognise their voices so no need for an introduction.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 22/12/2014 15:13

Business calls ofcourse.

But personal ones ? Ofcourse not. The people I'm calling either have my number in their phones (mobile to mobile calls) or are my mum.

HandMini · 22/12/2014 15:14

Not necessarily. And particularly not if I was busy, distracted, in a noisy place, expecting a call from someone else etc etc.

VitalStollenFix · 22/12/2014 15:17

He's being petty and ridiculous.

The point of saying who it is is for when the person cannot reasonably be expected to know who you are!

Since he knows exactly who it is when he asks, he's just being bloody minded.

If I was your mother, by now I would be taking the piss in a HUGE way.

Hello, this is Mrs X, mother of SparkleZilla, to whom am I speaking...

VitalStollenFix · 22/12/2014 15:19

and above all else - 'etiquette' is all about making people feel comfortable and about being polite. So if he is banging on about etiquette while being deliberately rude in order to make his silly little point, then he's a hypocrite as well as a plonker.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 22/12/2014 15:20

I tend to intro myself when calling people. However, I think it's quite rude of him to treat your mother as if she were a stranger! Allowances can and should be made for family and close friends, in terms of formal etiquette.
If he continued with his expectation of formal etiquette with regard to your mother, I'd hold him to it on her next visit. Not a door would be opened by her, a coat taken off or hung by her or chair pulled out by her, for her to sit on or a finger lifted by her to help - these are his responsibilities under the terms of formal flipping etiquette!

Floggingmolly · 22/12/2014 15:22

Why do you let him answer the phone at all, when he's clearly out to alienate everyone you know for some reason best known to himself??
If he's going to act like a two year old; treat him like one and tell him his services as household receptionist are no longer required.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 22/12/2014 15:24

Well I think they are as bad as each other. DMIL isn't taking the hint, DH isn't taking the hint that DMIL isn't going to take the hint. Impasse.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/12/2014 15:24

If he knows it's your DM but is trying to make a point then they are both being rude. If he can't tell (and I have a lot of difficulty over the phone, even for people who are quite istinctive) then he's not being at all rude. Your mum is being rude not announcing herself, especially if she is asked every time he answers the phone (unless her being "a bit dotty" is a form of dementia or something and that is causing the behaviour - in which case I'm really sorry and I hope you all find a good way through the years ahead).

Swipe left for the next trending thread