wish there was a formula for calculating wedding cash present amount

[twoopsie]

Not sure how much cash to give.

I'm just a normal guest, going on my own as a long drive away. Already spent 400+ on hen weekend and travel there. Know my cost for my meal is 90 odd. Well paid, but with 4 DC so not oodles of disposable income but both me and dh are higher rate tax payers.

Another couple are giving 50, but one of them is a best man, there are two of them going, they have no DC but earn averagly.

Hate cash as gifts. How much would you give?
Is cash anonymous at these things? I hear they have hired a postbox for 60 quid for gifts. Will people just be soting raw notes in?

asking for honeymoon contributions is quite reasonable, most couples are shacked up and have all the stuff they need.

£25 is plenty!

Ooft, naw.
Give them the gift of your presence then since that's what they've asked for!

We said no gifts (thought it too poncey to ask for donations to charity on our behalf). In the end our guests were very generous - even though many travelled quite some way to join us. That said, we paid the hotel bill and transport for everyone - and had a 'free' bar.

What we revied sisn't even come close to covering the costs - but tbh, we never thought of it that way; so the menoy we did get, was a welcome surpsise.

OP, give what you can afford (or are happy to give).

I'd give what you can comfortably afford to. I'm not planning a wedding but if I was then I wouldn't want a house full of tat ornaments afterwards.

I had two close friends getting married (not to each other...) who had lived with their partners for a few years and really didn't need gifts. Both said in their invites that no gifts was fine but if guests really wanted to then a cash gift would be appreciated. They both also said what for - one couple would put the money towards an artwork, the other to continuing the restoration of a boat they'd been working on together for a few years. I have absolutely no problem with that at all - in fact I think it makes life a hell of a lot easier. Both were going to go with no gifts but had received endless moaning from family and friends until they added the 'cash if you must' option.

I thought the unwritten rule for the reasonably well-off middle classes was that you gave about as much as the thing costs per head - normally £100-£150?

I wouldn't give less than £100 if you have a reasonably paid job - it looks a bit stingy!

I would go with £30 in your situation. I don't ever give a set amount - it varies and I go by 'feel'.

Some people don't want presents as they have all they need/are fussy about taste or in the case of one recent wedding they're temporarily living abroad so would have had to fly all the presents out/leave them with relatives. In her case she didn't ask for anything so we got a £50 Amazon voucher (from two of us who were going to the whole day). They come in a little gift box too so we thought it made a "present" of it.
When someone asks for money for honeymoon we usually give currency for the country they're going to.

I prefer wedding lists or cash gifts as I'd rather get something that's useful. We had a gift list with things between £10 and £30 on it but only gave out details to those who asked. We got a mix of things from the list, cash and gifts and all were appreciated.

When we've been to weddings we just give what we can afford, usually about £20.

The whole 'cover your plate' is, imo, ridiculous. If you choose to get married somewhere expensive with lots of guests it should be for celebrating with them not for what gifts you get.

Actually, thinking about it, I haven't paid on my own for a wedding present for quite a while (all recent weddings have had my parents and siblings going, so we've bought as a family).

I was a student when I spent £40-50, so maybe I'd spend a bit more now...

But then again (sorry for stream of conciousness going on here!), the weddings I've been to have all been of close friends, where I've known both the bride and groom well. I doubt I'd give as much to colleagues/less close friends.

If there were, I'd ignore it.

I'm single, never got married. I've never had that bounty. As a single person now, i don't give more than a token gesture/trinket to couples. They are a strong financial unit. It's a tradition that is out of step with the realities of life.

So 'well off middle classes' are always assumed to have more cash to splash as a gift or they are 'stingy'? I have a number of well off mates and would never assume this of them. How tacky. The OP has already spent over £400 on this event.

true polkadots, it's rare i've been invited to a wedding of somebody i didn't really care about. I was never the type that had five weddings a year for a decade. I've literally gone to the weddings of my best friends and that's pretty much it, so i'm talking hypothetically.

In your situation I'd budget /50 and leave it at that. I assume you are a reasonably close friend as you have been to the hen --and felt obliged to spend 400 going to it. Ouch. [Personally I don't do hens anymore as they have gotten waay out of hand. Handy having small kids sometimes]

Hired a postbox? Holy crap!

We give £50 a head for those attending: so if it's adults only £100, more if the children come too. For close family/friends it would be more plus some material help for the day (decorating etc).
I have no problem giving cash as I'd rather not risk giving some thing that wasn't to their taste....unless it's a money poem in which case I get the (irrational) rage and give a (probably unwanted though nice) gift instead.

£50 per person is the going rate IMO. £20 if evening only.

I think it's rude to donate to a charity on someone's behalf and a bit silly to buy an ornament/painting as they probably won't have the same taste as you!

The amount is very personal - whatever you can comfortably afford, as others have said.

However, as to the cash/presents/grabby debate. It's really very hard to know what to do for the best when you are getting married. Our wedding was quite recent, but DH and I had lived together for 8 years by that point. We needed nothing in terms of traditional gifts, our home is fully stocked with as many pots/pans/towels/glasses/serving dishes as you could ever need. But we knew that many of our guests would never feel comfortable with a "No-gift" message and they would end up wracking their brains trying to think of something to get us, spending money on it, and it may be used/loved/cherished; alternatively it may sit in a cupboard making us feel guilty. So we opted for the honeymoon option. Nearly everyone was generous enough to gift via this route. I didn't love doing it, but personally I feel it was better for everyone all round. Easy to do (go online and make a quick payment); completely useful, created memories we will cherish for ever. We tried to spend the money on activities and made a reference to them in the thank you notes.

Maybe it was crass, I don't know; but I would much rather give someone cash to put towards something they really want than a pointless gift that will just be a waste of my time and money.

I'd think about it as how I would like to wish them well, if its with a slap up meal for two in a nice restaurant with a bottle of wine thrown in, or a pint at the local with a packet of pork scratching's, then give the approximate cash equivalent. They can do whatever they like with the cash, but that is how I would measure it in my head.

I disagree that the amount should cover the meal. If a couple choose an expensive venue that's their choice - shouldn't expect this to be covered by guests for whom the venue may be out of their usual price range.

How much would you spend if choosing from a list? Give that.

I would give what I could comfortably afford; never knew there were any hard and fast rules, even within cultures where cash gifts are the norm. I have given anywhere between £25- £250 in the past, depending on a variety of factors, e.g. how close I am to the couple and how broke I am at the time. Also, in generally, weddings are known some time in advance so if I have a family or a close friend's wedding coming up, I try and plan for it by putting a bit aside, especially if things are a bit tight. I prefer cash gifts because my philosophy is I'd rather they used the cash to buy something they really valued rather than push my taste on them. However, that's possibly also due to the fact that I come from a culture where this is very much the norm so my view might be skewed. Have to admit, I find very difficult to understand the the 'grabby' argument that is often thrown at this and find it deeply offensive personally in respect of mine and many other's cultural norms when it comes to wedding gifts. I understand it might make some people comfortable, but just because it does doesn't give anyone the right to be insulting! Whether we like or not, the UK is a melting pot of cultures and this is one aspect of that. I find it more rude to force your taste on someone if they have clearly indicated to you their preference. If they haven't, it's fair game but would think it more sensible to give cash or vouchers so that they can choose something they like and will therefore keep? Where is the sense in buying them something that will most likely go to land fill? Might as well just throw the money away.

OP, give what you can, whether that be £5 or nothing. If you're not comfortable with actual cash, I've never known anyone to turn down John Lewis vouchers. If you do decide to go down the physical 'gift' route, try to make sure that it's something they would appreciate. We got several lovely bottles of champagne from well meaning friends and colleagues when we got married, which was great except from the fact that neither of us drink...

I thought the unwritten rule for the reasonably well-off middle classes was that you gave about as much as the thing costs per head - normally £100-£150?

That's ridiculous. Just because someone earns a lot doesn't mean they have tiny outgoings and loads of cash leftover.

God the social expectations around weddings are getting silly. Somebody proposed- it doesn't entitle a couple toe everyone else's money!

We got married this year and received mainly cash / gift vouchers and this ranged from £20 to £100. I think the most common was probably £30. Which is what I would normally give. Quite frankly if they are going to judge you on the amount you give then stuff them!

We spent 3k on our wedding and had a 3 night break away. We even went back to our own home on the wedding night. We didnt request any gifts in the invitation. When people asked what we'd like, we just said that whatever theyd like to give would be lovely, but they werent obliged to. Every single one of our guests bought us something or gave cash, and nothing was duplicated. People who have a wish list in my opinion, are missing the point of

.. Continued... a 'gift' and missing the joy of opening the surprises..