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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you think are the things men just don't get about women

97 replies

Homewardbound75 · 22/12/2014 07:48

Hello one and all

I am a male Mumsnetter with a rather lovely DW and two amazing DDs. In such a household I am increasingly starting to wonder that there are things men just don't get about women. Am I right? And if so what are those things men just don't get?

Thanks!

OP posts:

Thisishowyoudisappear · 22/12/2014 07:52

Well what do you think they are? If you know you don't 'get' them then you know what they are, therefore you 'get' them, surely?

Fudgeface123 · 22/12/2014 07:53

You're the bloke, you tell us!

bigbluestars · 22/12/2014 07:54

I don't think you can generalise.

I have met many men who completely "get women".

violetwellies · 22/12/2014 08:03

All women are SOOoo different, and I think that's a big thing. We are all the result of genes plus socialisation, you cannot hope to keep tabs on all the outside influences on your girls, but you can help mitigate damage. Provide them with a space where they are valued.
Think about the messages they receive from our misogynist culture.
I think that's the thing that many men don't get. (and a fair few women)

fanjobiscuits · 22/12/2014 08:07

Women and men are the same species, I don't think the question really applies

Beangarda · 22/12/2014 08:11

That in an ordinary male-female encounter between strangers, the worst a man fears is being laughed at or rejected, while the worst a woman fears includes being raped or killed.

Only1scoop · 22/12/2014 08:13

Such as?

Examples

FayeFruitLoop · 22/12/2014 08:19

That if you put us and your kids first... (Not your job, whining mother in law, drinking buddies or Xbox)

We would cook, clean, sleep with you, raise your kids, listen to your offloading, put up with your mother... Happily.

Simple as.

Bitter woman rant here

pressone · 22/12/2014 08:23

I am going to use the pronouns I and you here to represent female and male - nothing personal or accusatory.
I want you to see what needs doing in the house and do it - there is no correlation between owning a vagina and seeing an overflowing bin/full washing basket/the sheets have been on the bed a week etc.
I don't want to have to instruct you like you are a child - take responsibility for 50% of childcare/housework/present wrapping/card buying etc
Don't perpetuate misogynistic myths and social behaviours, e.g. a man is "one of the lads", whilst a woman is a "slapper" for doing exactly the same thing, blue clothes/toys/jobs and pink clothes/toys/jobs.
If you have jointly decided that DW's job is to be a SAHM then discuss what this involves and how the finances are to be sorted before TTC. Is SAHM just childcare, or childcare and housework, for how many hours a day (IMO should be the same number of hours that you work/commute) after that how is the labour divided? Never ever assume that SAHM means all the housework, cooking, childcare, shopping & other domestics 24/7 whilst your job is only 9 hours a day 5 days a week.
I've lots more but this is my starter for 10 (you are a very brave man!)

cheminotte · 22/12/2014 08:24

To answer your actual question.
The biggest thing that my male Dp doesn't get is that sometimes I want to just talk about something without being offered solutions. I just want to be listened to

Mehitabel6 · 22/12/2014 08:30

Living in a household of men I agree with cheminotte.
They also can't follow a conversation if you jump subjects, they can't see the connection.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 22/12/2014 08:37

The biggest thing that my male Dp doesn't get is that sometimes I want to just talk about something without being offered solutions. I just want to be listened to

This. And sometimes I can be upset or a little out of sorts without wanting or needing wine or chocolate - it's not always a hormonal problem!

And when it is that time of the month, if I say I'm under par, leave me alone! I'll find my own level of comfort without you cuddling me to "make me feel better" when pounding your head into a pulp seems more rational

cheminotte · 22/12/2014 08:52

To answer your actual question.
The biggest thing that my male Dp doesn't get is that sometimes I want to just talk about something without being offered solutions. I just want to be listened to

spence82 · 22/12/2014 08:57

Cheminotte - I have to admit I find it hard not to offer solutions I just think it's natural that if someone has a problem the best thing to do is find a way to resolve it.

pressone · 22/12/2014 09:01

I am a solution finder (after hugs and empathy) I have always been accused of having a "male brain" because of this!

Hatespiders · 22/12/2014 09:18

Oh I don't know...there are millions of men in the world and each one is unique. Ditto women. It's hard to generalise. My dh is excellent. But he finds it hard to 'chat'. If I've got something to communicate, fine, but just idle chat (or even gossip!) has him puzzled. And I have to do it all in French too!
I suppose women like to talk and exchange feelings/thoughts/ideas, but perhaps men stick to facts/useful information.

Theorientcalf · 22/12/2014 09:22

Like what OP?

Scrumbled · 22/12/2014 09:33

The biggest thing that you don't get is that we're all different, it's a silly question. Luckily I've met lots of men who have grasped this basic.

Osmiornica · 22/12/2014 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ocelot41 · 22/12/2014 09:34

That sexism is a very deep form of social conditioning which kicks in with a vengeance when kids arrive. Many of us took it for granted that OF COURSE we thought that child rearing/ housework would be split equally (or otherwise in accordance with prior agreement). When we find this does not happen we are dismayed and and angry.

You will win HUGE kudos if you realise the damage this does to relationships and muck in properly. And it is amazing how much more sex men get if they just get on with the jobs without having to be nagged.

Tobyjugg · 22/12/2014 09:39

The biggest thing that my male Dp doesn't get is that sometimes I want to just talk about something without being offered solutions. I just want to be listened to

Thank God for that. I thought it was just me. DW has been saying this to me for all of our married life.

Yes, I know I should have got it by now but I haven't. See problem = come up with solution - it's the way I'm wired (and so are a lot of other blokes by the sound of it).

Theorientcalf · 22/12/2014 09:45

I would like to not have to do all the thinking.

peggyundercrackers · 22/12/2014 09:46

everyone is completely different and no one truly knows anyone else 100% - if you think you do your kidding yourself on and your absolutely delusional - in that respect there will always be things about other people, not just your partner, that you don't get - that's absolutely fine though and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 22/12/2014 09:56

I don't know about men or women, but start treating people as individuals, not as their sex. What is it that fred doesn't understand about George? Asking the question is inappropriate.

holls2000 · 22/12/2014 10:01

that maternity leave is not, I repeat NOT, a holiday...... !!!!!

that being a bit down might require a listening ear or a cuddle...not a roll of the eyes!!!

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