To ask what you think are the things men just don't get about women

[Homewardbound75]

Hello one and all

I am a male Mumsnetter with a rather lovely DW and two amazing DDs. In such a household I am increasingly starting to wonder that there are things men just don't get about women. Am I right? And if so what are those things men just don't get?

Thanks!

Imperial evidence! That's sounething you'd know more about than me, Queeny.
I should really put my glasses on so I can read the autocorrect options!

hiddenhome - I love your comment and in my experience very true.

When I met DH I was very open about the fact I didn't like housework. DH hates housework as well. So we have a cleaning lady. I am currently working on the basis that everything he is not prepared to do I am not prepared to do either. We get on really well as a result.

There is one thing I don't understand - even though I am a woman (although this might just be true of the people I know) - why do so many women, and I am including some really bright women in this statement, believe in every crazy diet that comes along? And follow it?

The one thing that all the men I know seem to not understand is hormones- especially the ones that make you cry for no reason. They just don't understand how I can go from happy to crying in 15 seconds, to be fair though neither do I!

I think there are just things you will not get about your wife. Accept it.
That said, that may not be gender oriented. I will never get why dear sis married a complete loser, or why BIL has been in the same job for 15 years and is incapable of ambition or progression beyond a basic minimal salary. I will never get why DB is married to a woman who walks all over him like a doormat. Sometimes you just cannot put yourself into someone else's head and figure out what makes them tick.

I am a woman and I don't get women. Perhaps when I've met all 3.5 billion of them, spent enough time with each individual woman on earth to really know them, then I'll be able to say that I get women. Perhaps OP the main thing you don't get about women is that we're each unique human beings just like you and your mates.

Accept that you HAVE been affected by your social conditioning, and that you WILL be behaving in sexist ways when you think you are being "fair".

If your wife says you are being sexist or unfair - believe her.

The one thing that all the men I know seem to not understand is hormones- especially the ones that make you cry for no reason.

I don't get it either. What on earth is the point of point of natural chemicals floating round in your body and making you cry? Makes no sense to me. I can at least see the point of adrenalin putting you on alert and waking your senses up, and hormones making you ready to get pregnant and so on, but what is the value of there being crying with any of it? And I didn't believe they could have that effect till I was in my 30s, either, so no surprise if other people don't, male or female.

I agree EBearhug, they really do my head in ad confuse me too. I was crying over a bloody song earlier!

OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse.. What on earth are you talking about.. I have a different opinion to you and other posters on this board, men and women are different at cellular level by a whole chromosome, we have different levels of hormonal modulation and innate functional differences...

The ideological notion that children are innately a tabula rasa at birth and social conditioning is responsible for our gender differences is nothing but a politically and philosophically inspired notion, one not well supported by observation..
The sexes overlap enormously but, speaking geometrically, their two "areas" are similar not congruent, this theory that social influences account for all the differences between men and womens suggests that the conclusions you are making are heavily influenced by social factors - in this case, your desire to prove something that you wish to believe.

My point is the structure of the brain and therefore behaviour occurs at conception. Later changes because of chemically induced actions and social environments do not change the basic architecture of the brain but they can alter the manner in which it functions.

No woman ever killed her husband whilst he was doing the washing up.

Depends if he washed the suds off, queenie!

Where is the op?

So frankbough ...how do these basic differences in bran structure between males and females manifest in different behaviour/brain function/thinking? (This is as genuine question, now that we've moved away slightly from 'science' causing it.)

bran should read brain^, obviously.

Actually frank we don't know to what degree differences may be originally there, and what may have been influenced by society

How much is your certainty that most differences are innate based on your socialisation to believe that is the case? Does it suit you to believe that this can account for other differences between the sexes?

I think social influences have way more affect on how men and women are perceived than just their biological make up. It can be seen in different cultures.

"The ideological notion that children are innately a tabula rasa at birth and social conditioning is responsible for our gender differences is nothing but a politically and philosophically inspired notion, one not well supported by observation.."

Are you referring to John Locke? I understand he was quite well regarded....If I remember correctly from A level psychology.

There is always going to be a "Nature vs Nurture" debate, and people will always fall on either side of the fence but I don't believe its good academic practice to make statements such as "one not well supported by observation.." without citing a study/research which supports your argument.

Always happy to consider another persons argument, I'm just more willing to cooperate when I'm provided with evidence.

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Nature - nurture debate?
Have you just rocked up from the 1970's?
The debate has moved on!
We understand that phenotype is the outcome of a complex interaction between genotype and environment, have you not heard of epigenetics?
We are only just beginning to understand these things, come on people get your minds out of the dark ages!?

Yes, we are only just beginning to understand these things, so the nature/nurture debate is still up for discussion. So far, science has not been able to explain why the possession of a vagina makes ironing easier, for example.

I still remember the thread where the woman insisted that she was better at washing clothes as her husband's fingers were too big for the small buttons on the washing machine. She was dead serious too.

Have you read any of my posts Suzanne? .

And yes, thank you I am aware of Epigenetics but I will not claim to be an expert in the field. I was referring to nature vs nurture in the sense that some people will argue for biological behaviour over learnt social behaviours and some will support an argument for a mixture of both.

Geeeeez.

?
It doesn't make sense to talk about natural vs nurture the phrase suggests that they can be considered as discrete entities, they cannot, the two are inextricable.
They interact via multiple complex feedback systems and it is not possible to quantify their relative contributions.

I think some of you are getting confused by 'evolutionary psychology' theories and arguments

I'm not getting confused. Yes, it's a mix of nature/nuture, which is what we are all saying. Take away the social conditioning and there would be a lot less perceived differences between the sexes.

Suzanne I'm not sure who you're talking to there, but I agree with you. It's impossible to extricate the two so making definitive statements is daft

As is stating that my ambivalence towards the male/female brain argument is based on my social conditioning to believe that it's not true. Because that obviously works both ways and given our societal structure I'm actually going against the grain

To answer the OP, I would say that men don't get that women don't want things fixed. Not in the sense of a dripping tap. I mean practical, logical advice in the face of an emotional meltdown. Just support, a brew and a nice slab of chocolate.