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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu Christmas stockings

101 replies

Xmaslights · 21/12/2014 07:25

First time poster Aibu thinking gps shouldn't do Christmas stockings and expect the gc to open them before Christmas?

OP posts:
Notso · 22/12/2014 08:07

OP do you mean GP's say the stocking is from them, or do they say it's from FC?

Mehitabel6 · 22/12/2014 08:08

Well- if you have said 'no' for 7 yrs I would just carry in saying 'no'. It is very different from allowing it to happen for 7 yrs and then saying 'no'.

Original poster
Xmaslights · 22/12/2014 08:18

Yes I have said no for 7 years an as I said in a earlier post they will be seeing them Christmas Day but at my house. Yes they say it's off fc. Every year we have the argument that FC only delivers one night of the year they don't seem to get it

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 22/12/2014 08:36

My advice was for giving before Christmas, in a stocking, from them,and a tradition of 7 yr standing.
In your case you have refused for 7 yrs so keep refusing and just say that it can't come from FC because he only does one stocking a child and he has done it!

MrsLindor · 22/12/2014 08:50

MIL insists on making dd a stocking, it's just one of those things Granny does not her real stocking filled by Santa.

A useful thing to do occasionally I find is to turn to DH or ideally one of his brothers and to enquire " Did you do xyx when you were dc then" invariably the answer is no. Or to enquire of MIL, "so did your dc do that with your DP/PIL every year then?"

A bit PA but it's a gentle reminder that she's being a bit unreasonable/interfering/overbearing. TBH now DD is a bit older she often calls Granny and my Mother on these things.

GP expectations are very different these days.

tilder · 22/12/2014 08:53

I've seen this question asked on mn before and was really surprised. This time I think the op is getting a bit of a hard time (probably because I agree with her).

Maybe I'm controlling but I love Christmas and all the magic that comes when celebrating with young children. Stockings are a big part of it. I love finding little things they will enjoy, I love watching their excitement build up, I love watching them open them and I love the distraction stocking presents give as they are occupied for Christmas morning.

I remember another poster saying that this one of the privileges of being a parent an am afraid gp can watch but not try and replicate this.

We always share Christmas with the gp. Is there a different tradition that can be set up which is just for them?

Apricota · 22/12/2014 09:14

Agree with cakeandwine. Still a bit pissed seven years later that when they were 2 grandmother, in his side woke kids up and got them into their room (at our house) and got them to open the stockings Father Christmas had brought ( we obviously made them Up not Father Christmas) . Realised at this point just how thick she is.

littlemisstax · 22/12/2014 09:26

My MIL does stockings. I announced to DD (then 3) last year that "Nanna put her presents in a stocking". This year we went to visit Santa and she was confused. I explained that Santa brings her stocking at home as he knows where she's sleeping, and that Nanna is a bit silly and puts presents in a stocking at her house.

DH called the following day to tell his mother so as not to confuse DD. Her response "she's not confused. She told me earlier that Santa visits her at home and I'm very silly and fill her stocking here myself". Knowing my DD, she did. :)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/12/2014 11:25

Ouch, littlemisstax! Grin

======

What about all these grannies having a 'Christmas Box' for their grandchildren that they can put all these things in for them? It seems that it's the 'stocking' that is a sticking point for many (but not all)?

I think that trying to oust a grandparent from also enjoying the magic is controlling, spiteful and ultimately damaging to the child(ren). I also wonder, when these current day mothers become grandparents, whether they will be as willing to abdicate their traditions with grandchildren. I suspect not. I think if it were that easy, there wouldn't be an issue now.

If you can't be generous of spirit at Christmastime then when? With your own family?

SaucyJack · 22/12/2014 11:37

". I also wonder, when these current day mothers become grandparents, whether they will be as willing to abdicate their traditions with grandchildren."

Of course we will. I had a fabulous relationship with my nan (Gawd rest her soul) and we had our own traditions and treats which I loved and remember dearly. She never, ever felt the need to try and take over my mother's role tho.

Trying to force yourself in to the role of a parent with your children's children is an ugly, narcissistic trait. Good grandparents respect that their children are now grown adults with families and homes of their own.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/12/2014 11:45

Some obviously do though SaucyJack. I think you've hit the nail on the head though - it's dependent on the relationships within the family and how much respect there is. I don't even think that it's a conscious thing, it's just something that perhaps never gets checked by the person doing it so they want to continue?

I'm so laid back when it comes to family interacting that this stocking thing wouldn't really register but that's me and I fully understand that other parents have different views. I just think that some can be very dismissive and apt to say 'my child, my rules' far too often for family.

tilder · 22/12/2014 12:08

Exactly saucyjack. I have very fond memories of my grandparents at Christmas and there were definite traditions that were connected to them. I used to make a decoration for the table with my gran. Still make one now and I think of her as I do it. My other gran knew I hated trifle and Christmas pudding so we used to make amazing pudding creations together instead.

Am hoping we will have similar traditions in our family. My mum is taking them to the panto this year and pizza plus ice cream sundae afterwards.

I really resent the assumption that just because I think some traditions are for the parent to do I somehow exclude the grandparents. We don't exclude them at all, but I do expect them to respect our right to enjoy Christmas with our children as well.

KatieKaye · 22/12/2014 12:51

These grandparents are trying to oust the parents out of the family tradition they have set up, which is that Santa brings stockings on Xmas Day. They can still give the presents, and just seem to want to pose their way on OP which is incredibly overbearing.

pressone · 22/12/2014 14:28

The point is not whether GPs want to hand over the presents from them in a stocking, a black sack or a wheelbarrow but that they are trying to muscle in on Santa's role. That role is for Santa alone and not GPs.

MissBattleaxe · 22/12/2014 17:26

The point is not whether GPs want to hand over the presents from them in a stocking, a black sack or a wheelbarrow but that they are trying to muscle in on Santa's role. That role is for Santa alone and not GPs.

You do know Santa isn't real, don't you? For Santa- read parents, because the parents control the child's perception of Santa.

I think the GPs just want to give some gifts to their beloved grandchildren and want to kind of be in on it at Christmas. They are most likely old and haven't got as long left as we have and their grandchildren are probably the most important things in the world to them.

One day in the future, when the controlly mums are not allowed to see their grandchildren on Christmas Day and they cannot buy a gift without checking first, and can only hand it over at an allotted time given by the mother, they might rethink their previous actions towards their own child's grandparents.

KatieKaye · 22/12/2014 17:36

Wondering why you see the parents as controlling the GP rather than the other way around? The GP aren't being denied the chance to give presents or to see their GC opening them. All the patents want is to preserve the whole "stockings come from Santa " thing, which is pretty standard.

It really isn't rational to keep asking. 7 years in a row when your children (at least 2 families) have their traditions. Not every single thing has to involve the GP.

MissBattleaxe · 22/12/2014 17:42

Because I just think it's harmless and you should choose your battles. Save energy for the really big stuff you need to negotiate on.

KatieKaye · 22/12/2014 17:55

Ah well, I think it's highly inappropriate and interfering and that the families are right to preserve their special traditions. It's not as if the GPs are excluded from Christmas. And the families resent it, so presumably it is a big thing to them

pressone · 22/12/2014 18:09

To the aptly named MissBattleaxe. Of course I realise Santa isn't real however whilst it may be the case in the majority of families that the role is taken by the parent(s) it may not always be the case, blended families may have complicated arrangements regarding Santa presents. Some families (possibly)where multiple generations live in one household) may have other arrangements.
Parents do not control their child's perception of Santa in many cases, let alone the perceptions that are built up by television, films, advertising, Santa's grottos etc.
Nor do I believe that parents own their children. Certainly in this particular case where this is the 8th year that the GPs have failed to grasp what they are doing to the child's innocent belief in Santa I agree the parents have every right to stick to their guns, however I do not agree that parents can cbtrol every aspect of the child's life and make it how the parent wants it, rather than what is best for the child. What then happens if the parents split up - who gets to "play god" with the child's life then?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/12/2014 18:37

That's rude, pressone, there's no need to refer to another poster like that. MissBattleaxe just doesn't agree with your view, I agree with hers though.

pressone · 22/12/2014 20:05

Oh so you both think I'm too stupid to realise that Santa isn't real do you?
Even if you do think that - did it not occur to you that it was rude to say so, or were you happy to go for the cheap laugh at my expense?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/12/2014 21:37

I just thought you were rude to MissBattleaxe who wasn't rude to you.

didireallysaythat · 22/12/2014 21:47

Yanbu

I like gifts to come from someone, not the universal Santa. Not the 'it's OK that its stupidly expensive because I'll ask Santa for it' Santa person. I'd like there to be gratitude.

I'm setting myself up a fall, aren't I ?

KatieKaye · 22/12/2014 21:52

Some people have stockings from Santa and all other presents from the givers.
Others have all presents from Santa.

It's up to you what you decide is your tradition in your family. And it's fine if that is different from the tradition you grew up with or the tradition relatives want you to have.

You could even make writing "thank you" letters one of your family traditions good luck with that one

Waltonswatcher · 22/12/2014 22:32

God so much stress over so little .
If your kids have gp then love them and enjoy them . My three have two dead grandpas and two crap grandmas . I'd love them to have a grannie or grampy that wanted to do things for and with them .