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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu Christmas stockings

101 replies

Xmaslights · 21/12/2014 07:25

First time poster Aibu thinking gps shouldn't do Christmas stockings and expect the gc to open them before Christmas?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 21/12/2014 14:44

SaucyJack - people are entitled to different opinions on this. It is clear that you do not like this or have some related RL situation perhaps, but I would appreciate you not dictating that I am wrong because you're opinion is different to mine.

DaisyFlowerChain · 21/12/2014 14:51

I love the "you have had your children so now need to butt out" yet how many OPs do we see on here moaning that GPs won't provide childcare?

I have no objection to anybody buying DS a gift or when they give it to him. He is allowed to have a relationship and special things with others as well as myself. Having lost my own mum before she got to meet DS I'd give anything for my main worry in life to be that she had done a stocking for DS.

If you stress over things that don't matter, what on earth do you do when something really worth stressing over comes along.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/12/2014 14:58

I think that there are too many parents (and mostly mothers) who consider their own views paramount, ie. "MY child, MINE!". What about the children who have the right to have separate relationships with their grandparents as THEIR right, without parental inference on every little thing?

This seems such a small thing, stockings at Christmas. Does it really matter how many or the logistics of them, really? Poinsettia had/has three and thinks that's great - she's the 'child'. Does her opinion not count?

For those who think this is a huge disrespect to the Christmas traditions they want to establish with their children, can they not just go to the P/PILs and say, "We'd like to do the stockings this way (explain). How would you like to establish your own tradition with the kids? (wait for explanation). We don't want to tread on your toes, nor have you tread on ours and it would be lovely to do different things... what do you think?".

I just can't be bothered to sweat the small stuff. It's NOT in the children's interests and all it does is cause bad feeling because when you need to come down hard on something that is important, your views just become like a constant refrain of 'Don't do this, don't do that' because it's said all the time.

You read lots of threads about mothers complaining that GPs don't take an interest in anything and won't help. I wonder how much of that is borne from some parents who delight in exerting a tyrannical and dictatorial control of THEIR CHILD. The only one that suffers is that child. I think it's so sad and unnecessary.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/12/2014 14:59

Cross-posted with the excellent post of DaisyFlowerChain who says exactly what I think on this.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 21/12/2014 15:03

TidyDancer I can only see hassle for the parents - forcing times when they have to meet the GP's to give the presents, coming up with explanations and conversations over why some presents can be opened before christmas but not others, why other GP's don't give them a stocking. Ensuring that the stockings don't have duplicated things in. All for not only this year, but however long the tradition is kept up. Which doesn't really achieve anything beyond the GP's just giving the presents on christmas day or after and having the children open then.

It's not really a nice tradition for the children - they get the same regardless of if they get the presents from the grandparents before or after christmas.

The only thing you're wrong about TidyDancer is that GP's are allowed to impose a tradition, if everyone is happy with it then it's fine, but no-one can impose.

HighwayDragon · 21/12/2014 15:10

yabu, mil does dd a stocking. Father Christmas gets dd one too, but her nanna likes to make her a little one too, it's lovely

TidyDancer · 21/12/2014 15:14

I'm not wrong about that Fred, because I never said that. I think that was someone else (or maybe not). Those things you describe are not really hassle. They appear so minor they practically aren't anything at all. Presumably the OP's DCs see their GPs outside of Christmas times anyway, so hardly a big deal and a parent having to have a conversation with their child explaining something? That's not hassle, that's parenting! Like I said, people are entitled to their own opinions on this, but for me this is a lovely sweet idea that would hopefully make happy memories for the DCs. Not everything has to be made into a drama and to be about aforementioned pulling rank.

SaucyJack · 21/12/2014 15:22

Agreed that not everything has to be a drama and about pulling rank.

Which is exactly why I don't understand why GPs can't get over themselves and back off in a situation like this.

I'm sure they remember how much they loved doing the Father Christmas thing for their own children when they were. I genuinely don't understand why they would want to try to take over and spoil the magic of it.

Scholes34 · 21/12/2014 15:38

Traditions should evolve naturally and not be forced. Some of this is sounding like a Bridezilla approach to Christmas. Whilst the DC are your children, they're also someone's grandchildren, niece, nephew, etc and don't exist in isolation of the rest of the family.

Perhaps this is the knock on effect of too much emphasis on Santa's contribution to Christmas and some people getting too wrapped up on elaborate and engineeered fantasies, ultimately setting up their DC for disappointment.

Xmaslights · 21/12/2014 16:25

Sorry for the late reply will try to answer some questions. It is my dog parents and no they would never off allowed them to open presents. They try to be controlling but I'm very firm. We have had this discussion every Christmas for the last 7 years now!! Nobody said she can't do one just not to give before Xmas day. And the comments about mums winging about gps not been involved, if like to point out that nobody looks after my kids but me and this is MY choice. Thankyou for the lovely replies I have had

OP posts:
Xmaslights · 21/12/2014 16:26

Sorry dh stupid auto correct

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/12/2014 16:44

Really OP? I'd leave you to it.

Mehitabel6 · 21/12/2014 23:32

What the child wants is loving parents and grandparents- not petty squabbles as to who gives what, when and how. Far more important that you all get on!

MissBattleaxe · 22/12/2014 00:59

What the child wants is loving parents and grandparents- not petty squabbles as to who gives what, when and how. Far more important that you all get on!

Agree. Children pick up on resentment, moods and atmospheres more than we think.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 22/12/2014 01:06

Stick to your guns, OP. Why are they still making this an issue, after 7 years?!

Your children - you stand by whatever matters to you. Your concern is, after all, about making Christmas day as perfect as you can for them?

I really see no issue with that! Good for you.

Horsemad · 22/12/2014 06:32

My MIL has always had a huge pile of Xmas presents at her house for my DC which is fine. I've never had a problem with her wanting to do that. I would not allow a stocking from anyone other than FC though.

Mehitabel6 · 22/12/2014 06:59

You could indeed ask why it is an issue after 7 years! It is now part of the Christmas tradition. If it was such an issue it should have been stopped the first time.

KatieKaye · 22/12/2014 07:05

Christmas traditions such as what comes from Santa and what comes from relatives are individual choices. As parents you have the right to make these choices for your children.

But surely stockings come from Santa! Not from Granny and they don't arrive at any time before Christmas Day (in the middle of the night!) because that spoils the magic.

MIL sounds very hard going if she is still trying to force a different tradition on your family after 7 years. Introducing it now would only be confusing for the DC.

Mehitabel6 · 22/12/2014 07:11

I find some families hard going! Like parents like children- it seems a battle for control.
After 7 yrs it is hardly confusing! They get presents from granny before Christmas that she puts in a stocking- I fail to see what that has to do with FC.
I know that what I wouldn't want as a child is parents battling grandparents and a mother who is all 'my children- my rules'- hardly the Christmas spirit!

pressone · 22/12/2014 07:29

I can't work out if the GPs have done this for the last 7 years and OP wants to put her foot down now.
OR
If OP has said no for the last 7 years, wishes to do so again but still getting pressure from MiL and is asking the vipers for an independent opinion.

In my opinion parents do not own their children they are on loan until they are old enough to make their own decisions, however it is the parents responsibility to do what is best for the child. Therefore in this case best stick with the status quo that has been established for the past 7 years or it will be confusing for the little ones.

BonjourMinou · 22/12/2014 07:31

YANBU - Father Christmas does the stockings, the night before Christmas. No one else! There are plenty of other ways gp can get involved and enjoy their gc without messing up your family Christmas! Is perfectly normal not to want children to open presents before Christmas, especially stockings! Can't imagine the reaction I'd give my MIL if she wanted to do this... but like you, it would be a firm NO Smile

Xmaslights · 22/12/2014 07:49

Hi all sorry I havnt made things clear I am new to this and will try make it clearer. The gps have wanted to do this for the last 7 years and me and dh have said no every year yet every year we have the same argument and we are not the only ones in the family who say no regarding there children too. But as pressone said above I was woundering what other individual opinions was. I try to make it a happy time for all but we have our traditions and want to keep them and thought after 7 years they would of got the message. Thanks to everyone replying

OP posts:
Xmaslights · 22/12/2014 07:54

May I also add when the children are older and don't believe in Santa etc they can choose if they would like to I arnt over controlling just believe stockings are filled Xmas eve by Santa where ever the stockig may be

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 22/12/2014 08:00

That just makes it worse! These GP are trying, year after year when they know it's not what the families do. That is either seriously controlling or seriously dense.

SantasBassoon · 22/12/2014 08:06

My MIL does the kids a stocking, and they open them before Christmas so she can see them enjoying it (we don't spend Xmas with them).

It doesn't take the shine off the presents they get from Santa or anyone else.