To be pissed off to my friends reaction to my migraines

[RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot]

And consider ditching her?

I have a very severe form of migraine that frequently put me in hospital.

It's meant I have had to cancel many a night out, many a catch up, take days off work etc etc. however I have one 'friend' whose response to these is 'you're over reacting they're only headaches surely they should be under control by now?' Along with 'lets go out and forget we're sick it'll do you good' and the classic 'it's not like they're that bad is it'

This is a person who claims she has migraines but then gets in her car and drives for an hour to a big shopping outlet centre, shops for 4 hours and drives home again during one.

I freely admit I don't know what's possible with a mild migraine so ^ may well be more than possible but to me if she had a genuine migraine, a genuine neurological debilitating life long condition, she wouldn't be so quick to tell me how to manage mine? So AIBU to be pissed off with her?

I get migraines on a monthly basis. They always start above my left eye and move down my face. Apparently, my eyes look odd according to my DH. I sometimes get vision problems and occasionally projectile vomiting.
They're obviously linked to my menstruated cycle and started in my early thirties.

One thing that has helped make them less severe/frequent for me is taking a high dose of feverfew daily. (1000mg) You can buy the tablets from Amazon. It takes about a month to build up in your system but it works for me. My GP actually recommended them to me as I get a regular prescription for triptan based meds.

Hope this might help someone else?

I've got a bit of a regime now (hormonal migraine, varying types, 2nd month on new regime):

I take nortryptiline 30 mg at night and gabapentin 600mg x3 daily, every day.

2 days before I'm due on I start taking frovotriptan and buccal prochlorperazine and I apply a 40mcg oestrogen patch. I continue this for 6 days.

Same goes for ovulation (2 days before for 4 days).

If I do get a migraine, I take 900mg aspirin.

The aim is to stop the migraine before it has a chance to start.

This month I have felt very poorly on usual migraine days (ice cold patches on one side of my head, lost words, sensitivity to noise, etc.) but no actual headache.

I'm hopeful that it could improve further.

Kali - I did actually conceive while on Topiramate. I had to get off it pretty quickly once pregnancy was confirmed though, I reduced down to nothing in 17 days (my dosage should take a month to reduce to zero) as I was scared for the baby. I felt awful the whole time though, Thankfully, DD is fine. I'm quite glad I didn't know about all the possible problems it could cause until I'd got pregnant though, or I wouldn't have risked it. And, the minute I told the doctor I was pregnant, they got me onto prescription dose folic acid to reduce the risk of neural defects, I was on them for the whole pregnancy.

DH & I have discussed it and, knowing the risks now, we aren't prepared to risk having another until we're in a position where I can give up work if I have to. I know for a fact if I stopped my meds now (to try for another child) I'd lose my job within a few weeks. DH is a f/t student so we can't lose my income. So worried I'll hit menopause before DH finishes uni & gets a job. It's crap.

Im so happy for you telephone!
Unfortunately i tried coming off it thinking the migraines had gone only for them to return ??
Im on another antiepileptic drug to, similar to gabapentin also, so i cannot get pregnant. Think my stress levels and pain levels would be too high to think about carrying naturally now.

That's so sad, Kali. Have you spoken with your doctor/specialist about it? I was told, next time DH & I are thinking of TTC, I'm to try & get a referral to my neurology dept, for support with my migraines until I'm pregnant. (As mine did mercifully go away while I was pregnant, so they probably will next time.) Doctor does at least recognise there is sod all chance of my conceiving if I have continual migraines, & would be unable to care for DD properly, even if I don't have the pressure of work by then.

Unfortunately that would mean seeing the very unsupportive neurologist again!
I have other health problems too. It's unlikely ill be able to carry anyway, im on strong painkillers that i wouldnt be able to come off.
Life just throws you a curve ball sometimes!

I've had two days off work with migraine that put me in bed. I just couldn't function. I then developed a flulike bug with muscle pain and a cold, so not sure if they were related. The migraines put me in bed, but the 'flu' certainly didn't. I just couldn't move for the pain. Not the same as a headache at all and I sympathise.

We also have one lady 'on our books' at work, who is being used as a case study for her severe form of migraine and she has been very very debilitated by it. Not fun, but the scientists are all over her case!

I thought I was quite 'ard. I've had 3 large babies without pain relief, had a complicated displaced fracture of my arm which I didnt find painful. Im never ill.

Except for the fact I suffer from migraines. I had my first at age 8 and even now at 42 - if i have one - they absolutely floor me. As well as the crazy pain in my head - I feel like a robot whos batteries are nearly completely of charge. Im just not able to function. Im confused and slow.

I dont think non migraine sufferers understand the level of pain involved.

The last time I had a migraine a relative (who previously thought they were 'just headaches') popped over and was horrified by the state I was in. She was trying to convince my DH to take me to hospital but since it happened has been much more sympathetic, telling the rest of the family how she thought I was dying.

People definitely use migraine as a synonym for headache.

I'm thankful I only get them a few times a year!

YANBU.

I think you should ditch her life is too short.

It's probably out of ignorance as she hasn't experienced a severe migraine herself - she'd know about it if she had (blackouts, dizziness, severe pain when any light source or noise is around, alien like halos etc) and probably thinks you're having the same kind of headache she is and just 'over egging it' which of course is ridiculous. The reason you should ditch her is if she does think this, she obviously doesn't think highly of you.

Not that I'm putting words into her mouth, but this is what I imagine her line of thought could be.

I've met many other people who try and play the trauma tango

P1: I had really bad morning sickness when I had DC.
P2: Oh yes so did I.
P1: Yes it was horrible! I couldn't eat for 5 days and was off work.
P2: Ahh yes it's horrible! The hospital stay was the worst!

Even if they have had it bad too, there's no need to fight who suffered the most.

There was a girl I used to know who used to claim she had any ailment that the person she was currently with had. I think she must have had some emotional issues or LDs as it was a daily occurrence and she was about 19 or 20.

I hope you are receiving good treatment for your migraines. One less headache is a friend who is not supportive.

Oh yes and as pp has said it's quite common to confuse a headache with a migraine and as there are many types of headache this is quite easy to do.

I've had what I believe to be 2, possibly 3 migraines.
I've had a fair few really bad headaches.
I've had many a minor headache.

Funnily enough my headaches either accompany, precede or proceed carsickness not sure if there is a link there but that's off the topic.

YANBU to be pissed off with her, and YANBU to dump her or at least downgrade her.

YABU, as has been pointed out, to say that she can't be having migraines; but your unreasonableness is a drop of water compared to the ocean of her unreasonableness!

My Dad has had migraines all his life, as did his mother before him, as does my brother and so do I. Mine have eased off dramatically since changing my diet; Dad's used to last 3 days but have almost disappeared now he's on BP medication, despite having been tested many times for raised BP and not having it particularly when younger. He's also been tested for many other things and been negative (aneurysms, clots, strokes, temporal arteritis etc). There are foods he has to avoid as they are migraine triggers for him; but it has definitely been interesting to see the reduction in them once he started taking the BP meds.

My brother used to get them as a child, used to go sheet white, and they didn't go until he'd thrown up. He still has them now but I don't see him any more so don't know how/if they've changed.

Mine are either side - sometimes the right side ones could be classed as just a bad headache, left side far from it :( - they're evil.
Having one for over a week while pregnant wasn't much fun! Lots of lying in bed and refusing to do anything unnecessary.

I should have read back more before posting - of course my pregnancy migraines were as nothing in comparison with some of you. You have my sympathies.