To be pissed off to my friends reaction to my migraines

[RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot]

And consider ditching her?

I have a very severe form of migraine that frequently put me in hospital.

It's meant I have had to cancel many a night out, many a catch up, take days off work etc etc. however I have one 'friend' whose response to these is 'you're over reacting they're only headaches surely they should be under control by now?' Along with 'lets go out and forget we're sick it'll do you good' and the classic 'it's not like they're that bad is it'

This is a person who claims she has migraines but then gets in her car and drives for an hour to a big shopping outlet centre, shops for 4 hours and drives home again during one.

I freely admit I don't know what's possible with a mild migraine so ^ may well be more than possible but to me if she had a genuine migraine, a genuine neurological debilitating life long condition, she wouldn't be so quick to tell me how to manage mine? So AIBU to be pissed off with her?

YANBU! Someone saying they have driven their car and gone shopping with a migraine, does NOT have a migraine!

I get 6-8 migraines a month, and when you get one, you just cannot push on through like you might with other sickness (I gave tried to do this twice, on both occasions it ended up with me bring violently sick in public). I have missed so many things, sometimes when tickets have been bought in advance or when it was a special occasion, but there is nothing i can do about it (apart from avoid 'triggers' the day before). My friends know I get migraines (although most have no idea how often), and if someone was arsey with me about it, well they wouldn't be a friend for much longer.

DH has migraines - they never involve a headache. He can't see properly, can't talk properly, becomes as confused as someone with advanced dementia and cannot understand a word anyone says to him. Thankfully, as he has got older they have become rarer but one one occasion it was so indicative of a stroke that we had to call 999 and he was hospitalised. He needed a CT scan to rule out stroke and a lumbar puncture because they thought it could be meningitis.

Your friend is a twat who wouldn't recognise genuine migraine if she fell over it. Dump her.

This is nuts of her. I do have 'mild' migraine. That means (for me) all of the visual disturbance (prevents driving, reading, tele, seeing faces properly) an exhausting sensitivity to light and sound (darkened room and not daring to move whilst it happens) but what amounts to very little pain. A headache, even a bad one, simply does not stop life in the same way. I was surprised by a migraine diagnosis to be honest because I thought the headache was key. But it is a whole lot of sensory pain.
Ignore her, I hope some progress is made through your appointments!

My sister gets migraines. Proper, in bed, feeling sick, can't lift head off the pillow attacks.

I've had two migraines in my whole life. I've had lots of headaches. They are simply incomparable.

Your so called friend has no clue in what she is saying. There's plenty of info on the Internet about migraines. She just doesn't believe you. Give her a wide berth.

I hope Id never be dismissive of people who say they have migraine as it is a spectrum disease. Unfortunately I'm like a couple of others on this thread and have hemiplegic migraine and also get normal migraine aswell. They're horrible. I genuinely wouldn't wish them on anyone

I have had hemiplegic why does my phone try to autocorrect that to hemipenis migraine only twice in my life. I really feel for you OP

Yanbu. I have only ever had 3 migraines, that's more than enough. They were excruciating, I felt like death. I feel very sorry for you if you have these regularly.

at hemipenis now I've got monty Python's Eric the half a bee in my head with slightly different wording

I hate my migraines as very few people are sympathetic and understand. Mine usually show no visible signs except oddly sometimes a bulging eyeball which freaked my mum out once

As for driving and shopping - well I get almost weekly migraines, diagnosed and treated by a neurologist. If my crisis meds work I can just about function. I wouldnt contemplate driving (too dangerous) but I can and have looked after 2 young children for example as I had no choice. I can definitely feel my brain working slower though and was careful in what we do as my reactions are slower etc. and it was hell but I did get through it.

My migraines hurt immensely but I cant imagine how bad it must be to be hospitalised

Anyone else find it really hard to sleep cos of the pain of migraines?

Deck, I mercifully become extremely sleepy, usually, when I have a more painful migraine, and if I'm lucky and take the right meds at the right times I can dull the pain long enough that I drop off to sleep and sleep through it. Often 12-14 hours, and then a day or so afterwards of drowsiness.

I get migraines, the whole visual disturbance, numb down one side kind of thing. Once I can see again, I can just about drive in an emergency. I have about a 15 minute window before the actual headache starts. I know that "pushing through" will leave me feeling like shit for at least a week, whereas going straight to bed in a dark room will only mean I feel rough for the next day or so. Fortunately I have only had to push through a couple of times.

Oh and I get the slurred speech/cant get words out thing. I thought it was cos I live abroad and speak my non-native language and being tired and in pain meant I couldnt talk easily. Then I read on MN that someone else had it so googled and discovered it is fairly common with migraines.

I can't sleep with mine and oddly need to have background noise going otherwise I get really panicky if I'm in silence.

I get pissed off with DPs reactions to my migraine, he's great at letting me go off and lie in a dark room with a cold pillow over my head, will bring me drugs etc but refuses to believe that you can have a migraine for 3 days.

Like its great going to bed early as your in pain then waking up with the same bloody headaches usually worse if the drugs have worn off.

If I can get drugs down me quickly I'm usually ok but it lingers in the background not really painful but still there.

Roasting - that's interesting. I don't sleep well normally, but when I have a migraine I can barely keep awake. The only time I can sleep past 5am is when I'm I'll.

sweetkitty I raise your three days to 5, your DH is a dick for not googling migraine duration.

I suffer badly, but those saying 'it can't be a migraine if you can do x, y, z......'

Er yes it can.
Migraine is a spectrum. Sometimes mine are so bad it is like a stroke, other times I cam push on with normal life. It hurts, I can't wait to get home to bed, but it is a migraine, as evidenced by all the other symptoms, aura, nausea, numbness and the like.

I push through my migraines, because I have to.
I have a two year old and two older boys, the older boys are self sufficient, but the two year old relies on me, I can't retire to bed, as much as I'd like to. Until DH comes home I still have to push through it, coping as best I can.
I've done the school run almost blinded by auras, with pain so excrutiating that I can't move move my head. Every noise is like a siren.
And I've had people telling me "Oh well it can't possibly be a migraine as you are up and about" Believe me if I had any choice I wouldn't be.
Once DH gets home he takes over and I can go lay in a dark room, but until then, I have to keep going.
I've been hospitalised with them too. I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. Well actually, maybe

So YABU/YANBU as I know both sides of this story, I have been 'out and about' with a horrific migraine, but I also know people who have most definitely never had a migraine, but proclaim every bad headache to be one.

I think the worst one I ever had, was a couple of years ago and I was 'blind' for almost 3 hours, I literally couldn't see a thing. I was in so much pain I thought my head would shatter. DH was an inch away from taking me to the hospital when my vision started to come back. Scary!

Oh god, the slurred speech. I don't realise my speech goes until some one tells me, It just doesn't register with me. DH took a video once to prove how bad my speech was slurring to show me why he was having trouble understanding me (it didn't help that I was crying too)
I couldn't believe that's how I sounded :/

Oh gosh, it is just so untrue that being able to function with a migraine means that it is just a bad headache. This makes me so mad!!

I have migraine, and have had them regularly for about thirty years. They always follow the same pattern, I have them upon waking and pain killers have little effect, they numb the pain a bit, and they always last for three days. I always get very down on the second day evening because of the relentlessness of it.

However I can function and I do. I cancel everything that is not necessary but just get on with everything else. Of course I don't have the same levels of pain as some of you, although I have had occasionally, but what I have is undoubtedly migraine.

I think the problem with migraines is that some people who just have a bit of a tension headache claim it is a migraine, just like people who get a common cold and tell everyone they have the flu.

I had my first ever migraine last month. I was so ill I went to the GP convinced I had suffered from a stroke. I could not drive there, so had to link DH's arm (DH cannot drive) and I staggered to the GPs like a drunkard. I could not believe it when the GP said it was a migraine. I could not work or drive for 4 days. I had no idea what day it was, what year it was or even my age. It was terrifying, the thought this was a stroke and I would never get better.

Migraines and strokes are linked, I think, aren't they? I'm surprises they didn't at least get you checked out to make sure it wasn't a stroke.

I suffer with migraines. Have only been hospitalized once but that was due to hitting my head as I collapsed. More often than not, migraines I get these days start with blurred and tunnel vision, followed by a mild to moderate headache. My point being, that there are a wide variety!

BingBong my husband's migraines also mimic a stroke - I always feel a right unsympathetic cow bundling him into the car dragging his leg and slurring while assuring people panicking around us that it's all perfectly normal and he just needs to sleep

He's not worked properly for over 5 years now with migraine and other headache conditions so no I feel your pain you are definitely NBU to expect at least some level of empathy for what you're going through.

On a different note if you are experiencing severe migraine regularly then have you tried to get a referral to Queen's Square? My husband is now under them and has regular nerve blocking injections that have made a huge difference to his quality of life. The waiting list is massive but once you can be seen (or if you can afford to see them privately!) there are a wealth of other treatments that may help you

First time I had a migraine I genuinely thought I had a brain tumour and was dying as I had no idea what it was.

I've also been admitted to hospital with a suspected stroke that turned out to be a migraine.

Vile, vile things.

YANBU. At all. In the slightest. Not even a little bit.