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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend really shouldn't have shown me the picture?

19 replies

Cubee · 19/12/2014 23:23

One of my friends has been seeing a new man for around 2 months. She came round for coffee today and showed me her phone saying "Look at this". I leaned in, expecting the latest cute puppy picture. It was a photo of this new guy, totally naked. And sort of posing.

AIBU to think this is way out of order? I quickly looked away and told her I tthought it was inappropriate as I assume he hasn't given consent for this to be shared with her friends. She was just laughing and called me a prude. My issue isn't with the nakedness fgs (although I would have appreciated some warning!). My issue is with the fact he presumably didn't intend for that picture to be for anyone else's eyes. I would be horrified and mortified if someone I was seeing showed naked pics of me to his friends.

She said it's different. Is it? How? Because he's a man? AIBU to think that type of picture stays private?

OP posts:
WineWineWine · 19/12/2014 23:26

Out of order. She shouldn't have shown you.
Equally, he is a grown man and if he doesn't want people seeing his naked picture, then he shouldn't share them with girlfriends.

nilbyname · 19/12/2014 23:26

You're right!

However I think it might be the norm, remind your friend that that kind of oversharing works both ways!

Fairylea · 19/12/2014 23:27

How weird of her. I'd be inclined to say you can't see anything until you get your magnifying glass.... Xmas Wink

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 19/12/2014 23:28

Sounds like he needs a nicer and more respectful girlfriend, tbh.

LadyLuck10 · 19/12/2014 23:30

Yanbu, sounds like this guy could do so much better than your friend. She sounds like a sleaze. I wonder if she would like the same done to her.

Saz12 · 19/12/2014 23:32

It is sleazy; no difference between showing naked BF pics or naked GF pics.

AuntieStella · 19/12/2014 23:33

Will you ever be able to look him in the eyes if you ever meet him? Xmas Grin

If he's sending premature cock shots, then he has to take the consequences though.

Pumpkinpositive · 19/12/2014 23:36

Equally, he is a grown man and if he doesn't want people seeing his naked picture, then he shouldn't share them with girlfriends.

Er, why not? He may have shared them with his girlfriend on the strict understanding they were for her eyes only. Which would make what she did a huge betrayal of trust.

Original poster
Cubee · 19/12/2014 23:41

I quite often see him on the bus Auntie Stella!

Glad I'm not the only one to think it's not right. Thanks.

FWIW, I think it was a photo she took of him, rather than something he sent.

OP posts:
SorchaN · 20/12/2014 00:05

I think some people still believe there's a difference if it's a man - somehow not as intrusive. I don't agree with this position, but I've heard people express it. I know my (male) partner would be devastated if I showed naked pictures of him to my friends. He'd see it as a betrayal of trust. But maybe some men are more exhibitionist than my partner...

BaffledSomeMore · 20/12/2014 00:09

Is she happy with naked photos of her being passed around his mates?
If not then she shouldn't be showing his nude pictures.

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 20/12/2014 00:26

That kind of thing happened among my friends (not me) quite a lot... when we were teens in college. Not grown ups. YANBU

Bulbasaur · 20/12/2014 00:56

I never took nude pictures for this very reason. It's unfortunate that people need to censor what they give to another person, because trusting the wrong person can have devastating effects.

Though, I did take a couple racy ones with a see through top with an ex. I'm sure he probably deleted them, since he's engaged now. He was a good guy though and wouldn't share them anyway.

gincamparidryvermouth · 20/12/2014 01:02

This is what happens when you send someone pictures of your genitals though. If you send someone a shot of your naked body I think you need to understand that this is what's going to happen with it, whether you're male or female.

MummyBeerest · 20/12/2014 01:11

That's really sleazy of her.

I feel bad for the guy.

StarbuckGalactica · 20/12/2014 02:09

Very inappropriate. I'm no prude but I agree with you, those kinds of pictures should be private. I'd never dream of showing a pic of my DH like that! For my eyes only!

WineWineWine · 20/12/2014 14:55

Er, why not? He may have shared them with his girlfriend on the strict understanding they were for her eyes only. Which would make what she did a huge betrayal of trust.

Yes, you are quite right, it could well be a huge betrayal of trust. My point is that it's not exactly unforeseeable. If he doesn't want his naked photos being shown around, the only way he can prevent that from happening is by not sharing pictures of himself naked. It doesn't make it acceptable for anyone to share it, it's about taking sensible steps to protect yourself.

Someone's phone could get lost, stolen, seen by someone else, backed up to a shared computer or backed up to the cloud and hacked. If you choose to share a naked picture of yourself, you run the risk of it being seen by anyone.

merrychristmasyafilthyanimal · 20/12/2014 15:03

I can't believe some of the previous posters saying well he shouldn't send pictures of his genitals! I wonder what the response to the OP would have been if it was a man showing his mates a picture of his naked girlfriend Hmm

YANBU OP, it's not fair on you to show you the pic without any sort of warning and it's unfair on her BF.

anothernumberone · 20/12/2014 15:10

Eeeeeeeeewwwwww how sleazy of her eeeeeeeeeewwww and it is not the nakedness, it is the sleaziness.

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