to have my DS christened?

[ChampagneTastes]

I'd be really interested in responses from active Christians (if you know what I mean). Myself and my husband are both "culturally" Christian. We both were christened ourselves, married in a church and know a smattering of Bible stories. Neither of us are religious at all. I am agnostic and DH is firmly atheist.

We married in church because we both felt that the ceremony was a reflection of our culture and I felt that the religious aspect made it more formal and serious (NB: that's just for us; I completely respect other people who choose a non-religious ceremony).

DS is now 2. We weren't going to get him Christened because we felt that (a) it would be a bit hypocritical and (b) we didn't want to bind him to a faith he may not wish to be a part of. However, recently various friends have got married in churches and become Godparents and it has been pointed out that they can only do that because they have been Christened. I also want DS to feel part of a culture, even if he chooses to reject it later. Finally, and this is HONESTLY not the most pressing reason but it is a reason; the overscribed school that I'd like him to go to is, obviously, C of E. I have no idea if being Christened will make a difference to him getting in or not but I can't help but feel that if he did get in, he would be more a part of the community if he was Christened.

So: am I an appalling cynic and hypocrite if I do this? If I am, does it matter? I'm generally of the view that if there is a God he has better things to do with his time than worry about this sort of thing but I also don't want to make a mockery of the process by not doing it for the right reasons.

Anyway, flame away. I will try to listen to responses without getting all defensive and running away.

"So: am I an appalling cynic and hypocrite if I do this?" Yes.

And you are probably too late if it's a very popular school anyway- you often have to have been christened before 6 months. I think it's to stop people abusing the system.

YABVU. You and your husband are not religious. Let your dc decide when he's older.

Hak, that's only RC schools.

I'm not flaming but yes I think yabu.

As I'm Episcopal (Anglican communion) I do feel a bit offended that you'd want to do this. Lapsed is one thing, unbelieving is definitely another.

Meh. I'm an active Christian and it wouldn't bother me.

Have you sent off for brochures from all the religions? There might be one that suits you that you haven't though of yet. Islam is in the news quite a bit recently, as is Tom Cruiseism or whatever. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is gaining in popularity nowadays.
I'd suggest going for one that give you reincarnation. Years of playing video games has taught me never to pass an extra life.

Tiggy what an excellent idea! I shall create a points system immediately and decide that way.

Darkandstormy fair enough. I'm agnostic with occasional forays into faith. I don't really "get" religion but I tend to think that that's a failing within me rather than anything else.

My other thought is that all the actively religious people I know are so centred and calm and happy and nice. I'd like to be able to give DS that but I realise it's probably not that simple. Maybe if I could just get him to hang out with religious kids, that would help?

I am struggling to believe in a loving G/god at the moment after the appauling massacre in Pakistan of all those teachers and children. Both my children are baptised and I regularly lead Sunday school. Can I join you as hypocrite?

If you want to get your child baptised rather than service of thanksgiving then I suggest you attend church for a couple of months to get your head round what you are promsing to do.

Have you actually looked at what the CofE christening service consists of?

"Making decisions and promises

When you bring your child for Baptism, you will be asked to declare publicly on behalf of your child that you believe in God and that you will bring your child up to follow Jesus.

You will be asked to answer, on your child's behalf, that you have decided to turn away from everything which is evil or sinful and instead to turn towards Christ.

The declarations made by you and the child's godparents will be made in front of the church congregation; the local Christian community will promise to support you and pray for you and your child."

From: www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/baptism/your-baptism.aspx

I'm an atheist and have declined to be a godmother in the past, because although I don't believe in god, I respect those that do and couldn't stand up in front of the congregation and lie.

I think your reasons are sensible enough. I was baptised along with DS, and later confirmed. When I started going to church when planning my wedding, I felt that there was a gap from having not been christened. If you'd posted that it sounded like a good excuse for a new frock and party, that would be very different.

I understand where you're coming from as I've been in a similar position but with a very religious family. I promised my parents I'd christen both my dc when I had number 2, which we did this year.

In my private moments I consider myself to have faith but it's not something I'm comfortable discussing with anyone.

Dh is firmly atheist like yours but willing to go along with it as he understands the schools are good but equally he'd prefer dcs to go to a community school and we have good schools all over here .

I don't think the faith issue would have come up with me until I had genuine reason to need the support of the church (selfish) but children forces the issue. I didn't feel comfortable leaving them to go through life unbaptised. I still struggle with how far we are going to go with initiating dc's into the RC faith. Im conflicted.

Are you willing to start attending church occasionally? I can't see the point of a christening if there's no follow up? I've found a nice church group to take the dcs to which is just right for preschool. We've been going since ds1 was a toddler. We will do Christmas at church now he's old enough to participate, and go from there.

If you want him to have faith you need to guide him or find someone else who will. In my case my parents do it. Baptism doesn't equal faith. Think about who you know who will godparent. I chose people who are active in the church and who I knew would be able to offer guidance. Think about what you want to tell him about god. At the moment you sound wishy washy when talking about religious matters. You need a bit more conviction otherwise your ds will be confused and might lose interest. I can fall back on an entire childhood of indoctrination you don't have that language so might need to start to explore your own faith more so you can support him to grow within the Christian faith you say you want him to be part of.

I find your position even more confusing than my own. Is it your intention that your ds believes in god whilst you remain agnostic (?!) and your dh atheist? That's a bit odd. The school thing might explain it!

Zen I am VERY confused! I've got to go for tonight but I will post back tomorrow evening. Thanks all for the honest and thoughtful responses. I am taking them on board (even - especially! - the ones that say I'm appalling!)

Both my DC have been baptised purely for the reason that if they were to pass away early on in life then I wouldn't want to think of them being stuck in 'limbo' as the thought of that would haunt me.

What bunoffives and cakesnow said

YANBU
We did the same, I'm not really religious but am christened. DH is christened and confirmed and was a churchgoer growing up.
We married in church because it felt right. As you say, more serious. We are culturally C of E and wouldn't have felt married with a civil ceremony (just us- I don't consider friends married in civil ceremonies any less married!)
DS was christened at 6 months. We attend our local C of E church around 6 times a year. I enjoy going, I like a good sing! I'm getting to know local people and feel more part of the community that way. Our local school is a C of E school so going will help him get in but tbh we live so close anyway it isn't a major issue.
Our vicar is lovely and does a really nice family service. I can't imagine he would ever refuse to christen a baby, even if the parents weren't that religious. It wouldn't be very Christian after all!

I know its not a popular opinion on here, but YANBU. I am going to be totaly honest here.

I guess I am a 'cultural catholic' (great phrase!) - I was raised catholic in a happy home with a great catholic primary education (no being told I was going to go to hell for not eating all my lunch or whatever!). Honestly? I don't believe most of it now, but I wanted to get married in a Catholic Church, because......i just did, it was part of my upbringing and who i am. And although DH is firmly atheist he went with it (the priest knew he was not religious). Then I actually quite enjoyed going to mass again and meeting people, and now I take my kids and they enjoy seeing all the other kids and its quite a nice thing for us to do on a Sunday.

And yes, it does come in handy for school as well. It's moot now, as we have moved and my kids will be going to their nearest school, but if we had stayed where we were, I would have been very glad of the opportunity to get DS in the local catholic school as opposed to the nearest school.

Just get him christened - you won't regret getting him christened, but you might regret not doing it.

I find this bizarre.
Not convinced there's not an element of christenings that aren't just now an excuse for a piss up and a load of presents/cash. That's how it comes across anyway if you are not of the faith yourself. Bizarre.

You can be baptised when you are a bit older, it doesn't need to be done when you are a baby. I want my son to tell me when he's a bit older if he wants to be christened or not, as I think it's up to him.
I was christened as a baby, my husband wasn't, so we had a non-religious ceremony when we got married.

I think it's up to you as I have a friend that is not religious at ALL but got married in church complete with hymns, and had her DS baptised.

Op I feel very similarly to you and I did get mine christened. I would say I don't really believe in the bible, I hope god exists but not sure he does, and I would love my DC to have a faith. I do actually sometimes ask god for guidance in raising my family and very occasionally go to church (would like to be more part of it but don't feel comfortable because of my beliefs).

The people saying you are hypocritical are being pedantic and perhaps a but hypocritical themselves. Even the Archbishop of Canterbury said recently that he sometimes questions whether god exists, so surely the church can tolerate a few agnostics who want to give their DC the chance of faith?

I would compare it to politics. Not all members of the Labour Party agree with every single policy of the Labour Party. But they are still members because by getting together with other like minded people they have a much better chance of changing society. I feel that way about Christianity. Perhaps my beliefs would fit better with being a Quaker, but I have not been brought up that way, I don't know any Quakers, I would rather introduce my dc to the religion I know which is c of e.

I expect a lot of vicars dont believe everything in the bible.

Religion and politics........ I'm agnostic, leaning towards atheist. Husband is also. We're not christened, didnt marry in a church and did not even consider getting children christened. ...however at this time of year I must seem totally born again! Carol concerts, christingle service, nativity service. I just love the festive spirit and the ritual. Applying for Dd school place in jan and I bet the vicar must think I'm after a reference, im not putting any of our faith schools down as I actually don't want her to attend a faith school. I like the idea of her learning about all faiths without one been taught as the right one. Sil and bil did the marry in church and Christening thing but haven't been back since. In my opinion I think that makes them more exploitive of the church than me partaking of the annual 'hark the herald'! Maybe there is a christian inside me just desperate to get out but I just don't believe. I think YABU, you should be true to yourselves. Leave the kid to make up his own mind.

I was brought up in the catholic faith. Baptised, went to catholic school, church on a sunday etc. As I got older, I realised that I didn't actually believe in God, heaven etc. My dh is the same, but to a lesser extent than me. For example, I was deternined our ds would not go to a catholic school (bad memories of nasty nuns lol). Dh wasn't particularly bothered as long as it was a school with a good rep. Our problem was the pressure of our not practising catholic mums. I was adverse to having ds baptised but dm was convinced ds would end up in limbo if not inducted to the kingdom of God. We compromised and had a thanksgiving service in a c of e church whereby ds was introduced to the kingdom of this god, but if she so chose when older, she could reaffirm her faith with a full baptism. Tbh, it was a nice ceremony and because it wasn't a production line of 4 christenings/baptisms all at tge same time it was kind of special. But I still have to bit my tongue as ds is always telling us stories she has learned in her non secular school about how god created the universe

Apols for the typo's AND the length of post

YANBU

I don't see a problem with what you are proposing. If there is a god then he will welcome your children as Christians whatever your beliefs/doubts may be; if there isn't a god then no harm done

Not a popular view on MN though ;-)