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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit racist?

378 replies

EMS23 · 15/12/2014 19:46

Two friends from completely separate friendship groups have recently expressed a similar opinion to me. They have each moved their DC from a school because 'she was one of only two children not called Mohammed' / 'they were all Muslims - I don't want my kid being the minority'.

After the first one, I was pretty sure it was mildly racist, felt a bit uncomfortable about it but I rarely see her so just thought, whatever, bit of a shame but no great loss.
Then one of my oldest and best friends said the exact same thing and now I don't know how to feel. I love her and have always really respected her intelligence so now what?
Am I being hyper sensitive here? I'm a white British person so i don't think I feel offended for myself IYSWIM but I abhor racism in any form and never imagined myself as being friends with people that I knew were.

Re kids in school.

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 17/12/2014 14:23

Chocolate, in your post you first argue that role models don't matter, and then you argue that they do matter. Which do you think is true?

ghostland · 17/12/2014 14:41

Islam is not a race so definitely not racist.

It's up to the parent to have the best interests of their child at heart. Putting a girl in a class that is mostly boys and mostly religiously and ethnically homogenous (with little diversity, except for herself and one or two others) would not be good for her, she would not get to know a mix of cultures and ethnicities and religions.

CelesteToTheDance · 17/12/2014 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shaska · 17/12/2014 15:09

celeste I would like some examples and statistics for this statement if you can provide them?

"there are masses of areas that, thanks to mass importation of certain cultures, are now more backward than they've been since the Middle Ages and that effects everybody."

I also would like some rationale behind this statement - given that on the one hand you're saying the issue is immigrants, and the other you're saying immigrants don't want to go there? Also wtf has this got to do with food? Or did you just want to make it clear that you don't mind a curry from time to time?

"I feel sorry for anyone who has had their hometown turned into a satellite of Pakistan or Somalia, nobody moves to those places for a reason and it's not the food keeping the tourists/immigrants out."

ghostland · 17/12/2014 15:18

I remember reading a story a few years ago about a little Jewish girl at a primary school in Paddington that was horribly abused by the other kids who were Arab Muslims because she was Jewish (and the only Jewish kid in the school). Horrible to be the minority on the receiving end of such abuse.

Original poster

EMS23 · 17/12/2014 15:22

BreakingDad77 - no, the children were not being bullied or ostracised, that I know of.

In one case, the mum said
'She was one of only 2 kids not called Mohammed and I just felt she wasn't getting the best education she could be'.
The other mum said
'She'd be in the minority and I want her to be friends with kids like her and I want to be able to make friends with the other parents'.

I'm still baffled as to what exactly either of those comments actually mean.

OP posts:

Number3cometome · 17/12/2014 15:41

If my son was placed in a class where he was the minority I would move him and do not give a rat's arse if that is deemed racist.

Why? Even if he was happy and there was no issues?

Why would being a class of people of another race be a problem for your DC?

My children are mixed race in a mainly white area. Should I move them away from the white kids?

ArcheryAnnie · 17/12/2014 15:47

It isn't always clear to tell a kid's religion, or even their ethnicity, just by looking at them. Perhaps, to help the people on this thread who don't want their kids to be "swamped" by other kids of the wrong sort, we could devise a simple system to mark these "swamping" children out? Possibly a symbol sewn onto their uniforms would serve the purpose. Just for identification purposes, you understand.

Nokidsnoproblem · 17/12/2014 15:48

Islam is not a race. 'Muslim' is not a race either.

Can we please get this right?

shaska · 17/12/2014 15:48

ghostland that is indeed a sad story. I heard of something similar happening to a special needs child once. Must've been dreadful for her, and it probably proves that putting SN children into regular school is a bad idea, if things like that can happen.

Chocolateteacake · 17/12/2014 15:54

Where did I day that role models didn't matter? Its well documented that thete can be a negative effect on some boys lacking in a male role model.

KatherinaMinola · 17/12/2014 16:00

It comes under racism Nokids. In the same way that we can all (I hope) agree that Nazi Germany was racist.

Islamophobia would be covered under the RRA. (It's often 'colourism' anyway).

Chocolate and others - role models are important, I'm afraid (as any self-aware woman working in STEM will tell you). An exact match isn't important, but it's good for children to find a Black/male/female/East Asian/Muslim/whatever teacher or someone else in a position of authority.

Black British boys also underachieve (statistically), as well as WB wc boys - these are important issues but they're another complex discussion.

LonelyThisChristmas28 · 17/12/2014 16:00

annie in answer to your question, I see what glittery is on about and see her point that if you are white and have an opinion (just like op's friend) you are deemed racist when you aint

KatherinaMinola · 17/12/2014 16:01

x-post - Choc, it's this statement that we're reacting to:

"The colour of the teacher matters not a jot."

LonelyThisChristmas28 · 17/12/2014 16:02

Where as if you are a "Mohammed" (always going to quote what has been said) you can say what you like and no one will ever claim it as a racist comment so yeah I agree with glittery equality my ass

BreakingDad77 · 17/12/2014 16:02

If there weren't any problems, and they had friends seems some weak excuses for 'white flight'

LonelyThisChristmas28 · 17/12/2014 16:03

And katherina don't feel depressed for me because I am a TA! I am happy in life so do not need you feeling depressed on my behalf

KatherinaMinola · 17/12/2014 16:07

I'm not depressed for you, Lonely - I'm depressed that someone that holds the attitudes that you clearly do can pass the interview for a TA job - and that whatever training you've had doesn't seem to have had the desired effect.

I don't want to get into a row with individual posters - but I do worry that the recruitment procedures for teachers and TAs are not what they should be.

LonelyThisChristmas28 · 17/12/2014 16:12

If I wanted my child to be a minority I'd move to a foreign country. I live where I live because I like it and want my child raised in the same nationality and culture that I was. Most people feel that way and in your own country you're perfectly entitled to expect that. There's nothing racist or xenophobic about it

Finally someone is speaking sense well done Celeste

ArcheryAnnie · 17/12/2014 16:13

Lonely - do I remember right that your DC isn't white?

Chocolate - you said that the colour of the teachers "matters not a jot", but that their sex does. Role models are important for non-white kids of both sexes, as well as for white ones.

LonelyThisChristmas28 · 17/12/2014 16:14

It's not like I sit there and be horrid to multicultural children is it! As I've said they are lovely and it has a perfect balance because no one is outnumbered!!! As it should be

ArcheryAnnie · 17/12/2014 16:14

And Lonely, if you are white you can have any opinion you like, but if it's a racist opinion then you cannot be all that surprised when people see it as racist.

ArcheryAnnie · 17/12/2014 16:15

And just as a general point - for me I think it's helpful to call opinions racist, rather than people. People can genuinely think themselves not-racist (and they can genuinely want to be not-racist) and yet still hold racist opinions.

LonelyThisChristmas28 · 17/12/2014 16:16

annie no it wasn't me that said my child isn't white. I don't have a child yet I post on these forums for my job purpose and got interested in some threads :) but please understand I am not racist it's just how I feel

shaska · 17/12/2014 16:18

Lonely Do you see a difference between british-born muslim children and muslim children from a different country? Would you mind if there were lots of British-born muslim children at your child's school?

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