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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that friend shared pics of my wedding before I got chance

28 replies

ParkedOnTheFence · 15/12/2014 19:20

I am really in two minds about this so prepared to be told that I am being ridiculously precious! I very recently got married and some friends from a friendship group weren't able to attend. One of these friend, Friend A, has mentioned that another mutual friend, Friend B, has sent her some pictures of my wedding.

I am feeling a bit...well miffed that Friend B has sent on pictures of my wedding to Friend A and other mutual friends before I had chance to Sad I wanted to be able to send the photos round to my friends and tell them all about the day, and feel a bit sulky that Friend B has pipped me to the post. If it's relevant, Friend B has emailed the photos to Friend A and others, it's not as though she's seen them in person and would have been asked to show them some photos. No photos on Facebook or anything like that, again if that's relevant.

I know this really isn't a big deal on the grand scheme of things and I'm probably being really precious to even feel vaguely bothered by it, but I keep having this niggling feeling of annoyance that Friend B went ahead and showed my photos to our friends before I have.

Sooo. Am I being ridiculous and need to just get over myself? Am I mad for even being bothered by this?

OP posts:
TwoInTheMourning · 15/12/2014 19:22

You're not ridiculous. I get it.

LaceyLee · 15/12/2014 19:22

Yabu. Get over it, you can still show her the photos as well, not really an issue IMO!

19lottie82 · 15/12/2014 19:22

Yes YABU and you need to get over yourself (sorry you did ask).

EEVEElution · 15/12/2014 19:23

I'm on the fence, I can see how it would be annoying but it wouldn't bother me personally, unless it was a photo aimed up my nose or something.

IloveOreossx · 15/12/2014 19:24

YANBU imo. your day, your photos to share first. IMO its on the same level as sharing 12wk scan pics without permission. she should have at very least asked!

ChristmasJumperWearer · 15/12/2014 19:24

I get where you are coming from. It's a bit like posting a photo of a newborn baby or announcing a birth before the parents do so.

If I take photos at weddings, I only share the ones of my family on social media. I send those of the couple to the couple and let them choose whether to share them or not.

GooodMythicalMorning · 15/12/2014 19:27

Im not sure. It would have been nice for them to let you add yours first but at the same time its probably because you looked good and they had a nice time.

simbacatlivesagain · 15/12/2014 19:27

Are these photos that they took themselves? If so you are being very precious.

Nomama · 15/12/2014 19:28

YANBU to be thoroughly pissed off, it must be annoying to be gazumped on your own wedding.

But YABVVVVU to think about it for another second. Put together your e-scrapbook and send it out as though nothing is known about it at all!

Enjoy it Smile

DancingDinosaur · 15/12/2014 19:29

YABU Grin Sorry!

anothernumberone · 15/12/2014 19:30

Ordinarily I would agree with you OP but often people are dying to see the bride and groom on their wedding day particularly if they could but make it to the wedding for whatever reason. Let's face it not too many brides or grooms are on Facebook on the wedding day.

DH was at a wedding abroad a couple of years back, I couldn't go as the kids were in school and loads of friends out pictures up across the day it was lovely to see the day unfold. The bride looked amazing and loads of best wishes flooding into them across the day from others who couldn't travel.

But I do understand your disappointment.

monkeytroubles · 15/12/2014 19:31

If I were Friend B, I would probably have dropped you a quick message asking if it was OK to send the pics first, especially as you hadn't put them on Facebook or anything. Definitely not worth falling out over though.

BackforGood · 15/12/2014 19:32

I HATE people posting on FB just after, or even DURING !!!! the ceremony or Reception - I think that's really rude

but
a little while later I don't think it's unreasonable for your friend to share with your other mutual friend, photos of a day she enjoyed and would know your other friend would want to see. I think it would have been a bit churlish for her not to have, tbh, as if rubbing her nose in it that she couldn't be there.

Once everyone else is back at work and getting on with normal life, then I think you lose the right to be miffed at someone sharing their photos with one particular friend. I've asked to see photos of weddings where I didn't even know the couple (eg colleague at work's son was getting married) - it's just 'conversation', showing an interest.

Original poster
ParkedOnTheFence · 15/12/2014 19:33

simba haha yes they are, I'm guessing, photos that Friend B took so I know they're not 'my' photos. But I wanted to be the person to share them with my friends. >petulant face<

Nomama that is indeed sensible advice. It's not like I can do anything about it so I probably should just forget all about it. 'Gazumped at your own wedding' made me chuckle Smile

Thanks for the replies, interesting to see that there are mixed views on this.

OP posts:
Smudgeandpudge · 15/12/2014 19:34

YABU sorry!

Innocuoususername · 15/12/2014 19:34

Unless you have a deal for an OK! exclusive, YABU and slightly controlling.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 15/12/2014 19:34

Yabu.

DoJo · 15/12/2014 19:35

If it was photos that they took which they sent to a friend who would have loved to have been there, then I would say YAB a little bit U. They probably thought that you wouldn't have time to send any for a couple of weeks and knew that your other friends were excited to see how your special day went.

If your friend has form for trying to upstage you or steal the limelight, then I would agree that they shouldn't have shared, but if they were just sharing their photos of a day that your other friends were gutted to have missed, then I would just put it behind you and send your photos on too.

ajandjjmum · 15/12/2014 19:35

I think a personal email is a whole lot different to posting of FB tbh.

TimeWarp · 15/12/2014 19:41

Presumably these are photos taken by Friend B rather than your photos, and they were emailed to individuals rather than stuck up on the internet. I can see that you might want your photos to be the first out there, but I don't really think that Friend B has done anything wrong. She took personal photos of wedding that she attended and showed them to friends. Before there were digital photos and email people would get their photos developed and show them round to friends, this is just the same sort of thing. Your photos will be better and more glamorous as they were done by a professional.

HamPortCourt · 15/12/2014 19:41

YABU - these are your friends photos yes? Photos she took? So she is perfectly at liberty to send them to another friend.

There is a poster on another thread being a bit pathetic sorry about something/nothing that happened just after her wedding. I do think it's just the big emotional release after the huge build up that can leave some brides feeling a bit oversensitive.

Please don't fall out with your friend over this, I think you will regret it further down the line.

Congratulations on your marraige Thanks

Original poster
ParkedOnTheFence · 15/12/2014 19:44

So general consensus is that IABU and a bit silly,which I am happy to be told Smile I did think that was probably the case. And funnily enough just having a little moan on here has made me feel better about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
ParkedOnTheFence · 15/12/2014 19:47

HamPortCourt oh I quite agree, wouldn't dream of saying anything to Friend B, that would be mean and totally unnecessary.

Thank you for your kind wishes.

OP posts:
OddFodd · 15/12/2014 20:06

Often the B&G only post 'official' photos ages and ages after the event because the pro photographer is editing them.

So yes, YABU I think. And your photos will still be lovely :)

Mammanat222 · 15/12/2014 20:06

Got to agree with the consensus I'm afraid.

I also think the fact they were emailed privately to a mutual friend is very different to someone sticking them on FB.

I know some couples that haven't personally 'released' any pics until the professional ones have been finalised. .... so we're talking months down the line. No offence but not many people care months down the line about wedding photos.

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