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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to just ignore Mil for the rest of my life

100 replies

Mmolly2013 · 15/12/2014 13:05

Over the years mil and SIL have done and said some evil things to me.

Now my big issue is that mil illegal took out a catalogue in dps name after he moved in with me (so post was going to her house still). She ran up a huge debt which went unnoticed until dp saw it on his credit file, he then went ballistic and she promised she would pay the debt off in June with a claim she was getting for a car accident. June came and went she decided to get her house redecorated and then went on to go on holiday in November with SIL, obviously paid for by mil.

So now we are in December she promised debt would be paid this week with a different claim she is waiting on a cheque to clear. Now what I can't get over is that because of this we have to wait an extra 6 months to apply for a mortgage be cause you can't have any defaults on credit file.

Me and dp recently had a little baby and are currently renting (expensively) and I am so bitter about the fact my baby will be walking by the time we get our own house and I don't think this house is safe enough for a toddler, the baby will also have no bedroom until we get our own house which obviously is really inconvenient All because of mil.

She thinks I do not know about is debt but really I want to corner her an get it into her head how much she has affected a lot of things in our life. Also my dp wanted to retrain for a new career but has to put this off because we need his full income for our mortgage application so he cannot drop hours to retrain just yet.

She came up to see us the other day and I could even look at her I feel so angry an bitter about the whole situation. Especially as dp let it go on so long. I think mil is a narc as she fails to see any repercussions of her actions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 10:41

She was paying lump sums off it, so not too sure. I will update later, fingers crossed

OP posts:

OnlyLovers · 18/12/2014 10:49

She's committed a crime against you. Just report her. She doesn't care about you, why should you care about her? The sooner you take action the sooner you can clear your credit history.

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 11:21

I don't care about her but I do care about my dp

OP posts:

eddielizzard · 18/12/2014 11:26

shocking. yanbu, in fact rather too restrained.

CakeLady1 · 18/12/2014 11:43

I don't know how you've kept your patience for so long! Whatever happens, do not let her think that she has "got away" with pulling this terrible stunt on you both - what's to stop her from doing it again to you both & set you behind again?!
She's an awful woman!
Your partner needs to be firm in his decision to choose the future of you and child as his family above her selfish needs

JamNan · 18/12/2014 11:56

Has she defaulted on the debt?
I think you should get in touch with the credit reference agency and ask their advice. You need to get this off your credit file asap.

It will also count against you in the future if you are turned down for a mortgage because of this debt.

Chances are it is registered with other credit reference agencies so you need to check them all.

I am angry on your behalf. I wouldn't rule out going the the Police either.

What a cow!

OnlyLovers · 18/12/2014 13:08

She has fucked your DP over too, OP.

NanaNina · 18/12/2014 13:22

I don't understand why everyone is talking about reporting this matter to the police, even anonymously. What do they expect to happen? For a police investigation to take place, there has to be a complainant, who makes a statement about the matter and this isn't going to happen. Even if the DP did do this it's debatable that the police would get involved and even if they did, the CPS are not going to take the matter to court. I sometimes think people have strange ideas about police activity and think they will go rushing round to this woman's house to charge her with fraud.

I still don't understand about this debt.........and many people in debt get mortgages so long as the debt is being paid off..........in fact the majority of people in the UK are in debt of some sort.

And what's the pot hole incident got to do with anything?

OP says she was "paying lump sums off the debt" so she is in fact paying off the debt. It all sounds a bit odd to me.

NanaNina · 18/12/2014 13:32

In your OP you said your MIL took out the catalogue account in his name after you moved in together, but in a recent post (yesterday) you said she did it before you moved in together. If this was the case then your present address will not be on any of the paperwork? Was he living with his mother at the time?

I wonder if DP knows more than he is letting on..........

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 14:08

No she did it before we moved out as they had a big fall out because of it so we moved out I then found out the following week I was pregnant. We didn't speak to her for 2 months then she got in touch but weren't we fools to let her back in

OP posts:

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 14:09

Nana Nina what is odd about it to you

OP posts:

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 14:09

I explained the pothole incident so everyone would understand what sort of nutcase she is

OP posts:

Mulderandskully · 18/12/2014 14:23

Nana nina there will be 2 problems
With this'debt-

From what I can gather, the person holding the debt according to the credit agencies (ops DP) has defaulted and missed payments or made late payments. This is enough to get a mortgage rejected by high st lenders and they will look at at least 2 years records,

Not 1.

Many high st lenders won't lend to someone who uses this sort of debt- high risk, expensive, unnecessary debt which is classically used by those who find it hard to manage their finances. Many high st banks won't touch those who have used catalogue debt or say, pay day loans, in the last 2 years .

NanaNina · 18/12/2014 14:33

Did you both live with your MIL then as you say she did it "before we moved out" but in your OP you did say she took out a catalogue account in DP's name "after he moved in with me."
You also said in your OP that the debt "went unnoticed until DP saw it on his credit file" yet now you say they had "a big fall out about it and so we moved out......" You also said somewhere that your MIL doesn't know that you know about the debt but that doesn't sound like it's the case.

I don't think the pothole incident proves that someone is a "nutcase" - maybe less than honest but it seems a trivial matter really and how can you be sure of what did or didn't happen.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 18/12/2014 15:36

NanNina - making fraudulent claims is not less than honest is is a criminal act and one which we all pay for in when the insurance companies hike our premiums to cover the cost of the crooks who do this.
It's not trivial. It's theft.

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 16:30

The debt was there for a few months. He signed up to a credit file company and saw his credit file, he pulled mil aside they then had a big fight and he moved out. I lived with my parents and I moved out. Why are yoy trying to find holes in my story I was angry when writing the messages but ive explained exactly whats happened.

If your going to come on hear just to annoy me then take yourself off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 16:33

And she thinks I dont know. so how would it be the case otherwise. She doesnt know he moved out specifically because of the debt they had issues aside this so why would she think I know. i didnt talk to her for months about a lot of things so she would put two and two together. Especially as she only thinks about herself and doesnt know how fucked up it all is, shes narcisitic.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 16:35

The pothole incident sil bragged about thats why I know.

OP posts:

Scrounger · 18/12/2014 17:18

Once / if its cleared contact the company and close the account. Call CIFAS and get your DP registered. DH did this after his cards were stolen and it warns any credit agency to contact the named person directly to confirm that the agreement / card application etc is legitimate. It puts an extra check in place that may stop your MIL doing this again. Redirect your post for a while so that she cannot get read his mail. Stop her doing this again.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/12/2014 17:58

I'm in the US so this may not apply, but having a debt reported and paying it off after it's on your file are two different things. Paying it off won't remove it from the file because the debt WAS delinquent. You can petition to have it removed for a reason, such as it's not your debt (OP's situation) or it was paid on time (erroneous report). To have it removed as fraudulent debt you usually have to submit a police report or documentation from the debtor that they've accepted it's not yours.

I don't think the OP can do anything legally as it's not her debt. If her DH doesn't want to pursue it or doesn't want her to make an issue of it, there's not much that can be done.

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 18/12/2014 20:24

OMG she actually paid it today was around 690 pound left to pay Dp rang up the company to explain the situation to see what they said. He has two options 1. Go to the police or 2. Dispute the payment through his credit file which may get it taken off as we have proof we weren't in the country when delivery for items was taken (we were in uni in England). So he's going to go with 2 and see were that gets him.

As for me I'm done with mil, she will think things are fine and dandy now it's all paid but no it won't be.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

OP posts:

FrancesNiadova · 20/12/2014 09:13

Well done Molly, what a relief for you.
Life can move on now & you can get your house.
Do make sure that all post is re-directed from MIL' s & that you keep on the ball with your family's finances; a leopard doesn't change its spots!
I wouldn't have anything to do with your MIL either.
Best wishes

AcrossthePond55 · 20/12/2014 12:49

What a relief. I agree that your MiL is NOT worth your time. Your DH needs to routinely check his credit report and should cancel any accounts that you two don't really use. She's just not trustworthy. People who do things like that then have no regret ("What? I paid it off, didn't I? What's the dealio?") are bound to do similar again.

Happy Househunting!

Siarie · 20/12/2014 12:57

I would have reported it as fraud to the company no matter who did it. Not my problem, people take responsibility for their own actions in life

Original poster

Mmolly2013 · 20/12/2014 13:42

Thanks Everyone. We are going to sign up tp CIFA which a previous poster mentioned, we are going to pay to get post redirected. Dp has reported the debt to his credit file company.

MIL hasnt contacted me directly in about 2 months and she had the balls to text me today asking if dp needed a new phone for christmas and if not what would he need. She also texted dp acting normal after weeks of ignoring texts et because of the debt. She thinks things are fine now its paid omg seriously.

I quickly deleted her text, she cant buy her way in with her claim money. Im changing my number after christmas. Dp can deal with her from now on Ive stated she wont be near the house to dp and he is respecting my decision.

Thanks again for all the advice

OP posts:

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